Jozef began signing. I’m clean, you don’t need to worry about S-T-I’s.
“How do I know?” Shaun asked, her voice shaky with emotion.
Jozef gave her a stern look. I will never lie to you. I have always used protection with other women.
Shaun nodded. She believed him. “I’m clean too,” she told him.
He laughed, the sound strange and shocking. It was a bark, not loud, but sharp and unexpected. She realized how rare it was to hear him laugh and the sound was always off, like whatever happened to his voice had affected his laugh too.
I think it goes without saying that you are clean.
Shaun frowned at him. “That’s quite an assumption. I’ll have you know, I was quite the busy girl in my early years of med school.”
Jozef grinned at her, showing his even white teeth. Again, Shaun was surprised. She hadn’t seen this much joy from him. He was truly loving the after-sex moments, the banter, being with her. It gave Shaun a warm glow.
Busy doing what? Burying your nose in a book.
Shaun laughed and shook her head. “Nope, I had a pretty normal college experience. I was the queen of multitasking, juggling my books in one hand and the football team in the other.”
I admit this surprises me. His smiling face slowly became stern. Time to stop talking about your conquests though. You seem to bring out my jealous side.
“Really?” Shaun asked, the warm glow spreading.
She wanted to roll her eyes at herself. Here she was, blushing like a schoolgirl and eating up his compliments. She was a grown woman; she should be kicking his ass for not using protection.
Really, he signed. You make me feel things that I shouldn’t feel.
He looked serious and Shaun felt the moment shift from light to heavy.
“Me too,” she admitted. “It scares me.”
Jozef reached for her face and placed his hand over her mouth. She frowned from behind his hand, wondering what he was doing. He lifted her hands and held them aloft, wiggling them when she looked at him with confusion.
“You want me to use…?” he cut her off again with a hand over her mouth.
Shaun nodded. “Okay, but I’m rusty - “
He frowned and tightened his hand, indicating she wasn’t to speak again.
Shaun signed, this feels awkward.
He let out a growling laugh and she stared at his lips in wonder. The sounds he made meant different things. It wasn’t just one sound for everything. He had a barking laugh and a soft laugh. He had an angry growl and a sexy growl. Actually… all of his growls were sexy, but they had different meanings.
I like communicating with you this way, he admitted.
As the silence surrounded them, the warm glow of the fireplace bathing them, Shaun agreed, there was more intimacy in soundless communication. They were wrapped in a private bubble that belonged to only them.
I like it too, she told him.
Jozef relaxed against the headboard, pushing himself into the pillows and getting comfortable. He was completely confident in his nudity, unfazed that his now flaccid cock rested on his thighs. Shaun sneaked as many glances as she could without being completely obvious.
Talk to me, he signed.
Shaun grabbed a pillow and pressed it against her stomach. What do you want to know?
Anything. Everything. Tell me about your life in Canada.
Shaun thought about saying no; telling him that talking about her home country was too raw. Especially with her kidnapper. But she reconsidered. She felt the desire to share parts of her life with him. It couldn’t hurt. Maybe he would hear the love and longing in her words. Understand that it was wrong to take her away from the places and people she loved. Maybe he would let her go.
I have a cat, she signed.
He grinned, his face creasing in humour, dimples flashing in his cheeks. I remember the cat. His name is F-I-T-Z-Y and he’s a big orange tabby who eats the neighborhood birds.
Shaun stared at him, surprised he remembered the things she’d told him during their desperate van ride into the forest. She hadn’t thought he was listening.
What I didn’t tell you was how I came to own him. She grinned fondly at the memory. He somehow got into the hospital during a night shift. He was very mischievous, leading the security guards on a merry chase. I could hear updates on the PA system. Cat spotted in radiology. Cat is now in kinesiology.
Jozef laughed with her, mesmerizing her with his easy joy. She wondered if he was always like this when he was at home or if relaxation was rare for him.
Shaun continued her story. Of course, I had to adopt the cat after listening to his hospital escapades all night…
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jozef was in trouble.
He was falling for his fiancé, which was a problem. He could have no weaknesses in his line of work. Mafia wasn’t what it used to be, back when there were rules to govern behaviour. When it was a brotherhood. Now there were insidious commonalities among the vicious young mobsters who worked according to their own rules while attempting to set themselves apart. Family was now fair game, human trafficking was wildly popular and substance abuse was rampant. The brotherhood still existed. Krystoff insisted that his own organization observe the old rules. They did not target family; they did not peddle in flesh and they were controlled at all times while on the job.
Jozef lived somewhere between worlds. He had to be as harsh, brutal and unfeeling as the rest of his contemporaries if he wanted to stay on top of the game. Any weakness would make him a target. Drugs and alcohol were rampant but he limited himself to the occasional drink, joint, or line of coke.
He gazed down at Shaun who was curled on her side, pressed against his leg, her head tucked into his hip. He shifted until he was leaning over her and able to see more of her lovely face. He brushed his fingers down her ebony cheek and over her plush lips. She was so beautiful it made him ache. It wasn’t her outward beauty that captivated him, though she was certainly attractive, but her inner glow. It radiated out of her as an energy filled with kindness and purpose.
She epitomized everything he couldn’t be, but he was discovering he wanted in his life. He wanted to put her personality in a jar and keep it with him, so he always had her, even when they were apart. He knew keeping her was selfish. He could have found a way to keep her alive and let her go. He could put her on an airplane back to Canada right now and she would be safe on the other side of the world. Safe from him. Safe from his family.
He wouldn’t do it. Selfishly, he wanted to keep her forever. He wanted to hold onto everything that made Shaun special. He couldn’t bring himself to let her go. They’d only known each other a week, but he was captivated. He could feel his world shifting irrevocably and he couldn’t bring himself to regret it.
“Hey.”
Jozef looked down. She was blinking sleepily up at him with a quizzical look. He must’ve woken her when he touched her cheek. He looked at her, wanting to tell her to go back to sleep but not wanting to stop touching her to make the signs.
She wiggled against him and closed her eyes, sighing deeply. He thought she went back to sleep, but then she spoke, her voice quiet and serious, “What does it feel like to kill someone?”
Jozef froze at the unexpected question. Her eyes were open now, and she tilted her head so she could look at him. Her gaze was curious rather than accusing. Jozef thought about what to say. Did he tell her the truth, or did he tell her something that might make her feel better? Did he know her well enough to know what she might find comforting?