“It’s okay,” he said quietly. “She passed away last year,” he told me.
“I’m so sorry —” He cut me off with a pained smile and moved away, into the crush of people. “Oh, God. Why didn’t Hayes say anything?”
“He probably just didn’t think about it,” Averie said. “Men are like that. Graham doesn’t like to talk about it. When she got pregnant the doctor discovered she had breast cancer. She wouldn’t get treatment because of Mercy.”
I didn’t know what to say. It was terrible and noble and beautiful, and my heart ached for Graham.
“When we heard you had been in an accident and were in a coma, we were so scared. It was happening all over again,” Jeannie whispered. She swiped beneath her eye with a finger and stood up, clapping her hands to her thighs. “But enough about that. Have you guys set a date yet? For the wedding, I mean,” Jeannie asked. Awkward alert! All eyes landed on me, like I was the one who held the answers. Everyone grew quiet, waiting.
I looked at Hayes for guidance and saw that even he was waiting on my response. “I-I’m not sure,” I began. “We haven’t talked about what we had decided yet.”
“We were planning for June,” Hayes said. “After ball season ended. But we might need to move things up?”
“You think?” Reid, the second brother, smirked around a mouth of canapé.
Ava smacked his head. “Shut up, you! Women don’t have to get married if they get pregnant nowadays. It’s not like we’re going to stick a scarlet letter on her chest.”
“No, it’s okay. I’d like to, especially if we were already engaged. I don’t think I’d done any planning, though. I’m not even sure where to begin.” I wasn’t even sure how long we had been engaged. I made a mental note to ask Hayes about it. I’d like to know the story of how he asked me to marry him.
“Let us help!” Jeannie bounced in her chair. “We could have it here. Something small and intimate.”
I looked at Hayes, who held his hands up in the universal gesture for surrender. “I am leaving all of that one hundred percent up to you, Mini. Just tell me where and when and what to wear and I’ll be there.”
“Okay.” I looked back to his mother and sisters. “Let’s do it.”
“Fabulous! Let’s have some eggnog.” She pinned me with a look. “Apple juice for you, of course.”
“We’re actually about to leave, if you’re ready?” Hayes appeared at my elbow and curved a hand around the back of my neck, massaging gently. I groaned and let my head fall back.
“Um, yeah, bruh. She’s ready,” Averie joked. She hugged me, followed by Ava and then the rest of the family.
Hayes waggled his brows and led me to the door, pausing to slide my coat on over my shoulders. “And on that note, we are saying good night.”
Their laughter followed us out into the night, resonant with the sound of family and home.
“Do broken pianos play broken songs? Do they have busted melodies for busted hearts? Is there a song living inside it that's waiting to get out? Her keys are shattered and her notes long since silent, but I can still hear her song. Just listen, just listen.”
Tyler Knott Gregson
December 19│Birdie
OVER THE NEXT SEVERAL DAYS HAYES AND I SETTLED INTO A RHYTHM OF SORTS. We made love at night. We woke in the morning and made love again. He went to work, as they were now in winter session and he still had a class. I hunted the elf, trying to piece the scenes Hayes placed it in together with other things I knew about my life. So far, the elf had shown me that we liked camping, reading, and tacos. I went to work or stayed in my studio and worked on signs. We ate together in the evening and worked on things around the house. We watched Netflix movies and the History Channel together.
Then we went to bed and started all over again.
I was settling into the feeling that life had always been exactly like this. Full. Not particularly exciting or eventful, but full of an ordinary sort of contentment.
Complete.
Now in my studio, I sorted through my book and the small baskets on my desk for a new series I wanted to do for the new year. I had an idea to add a delicate tracery of leaves into each design to symbolize new growth. New beginnings. I just needed to find the right words for each.
When I pulled the basket of paper scraps to me, I found Hayes’s mysterious list. I’d completely forgotten about this. I re-read the words on it.
Kiss her. Check. And check. Hayes was not slacking in the kissing department.
Decorate nursery. Check. Best surprise ever.
Elf. Check. I smiled, thinking about all of the places I’d discovered the little red elf. The latest was a bouquet of cookie roses, the elf presiding over them all like the star in a synchronized swimming event.
Tell her.
My smile faded. I drummed my fingers against the paper. What did he need to tell me? And where was my ring? I didn’t even know what it looked like.
Making my mind up swiftly, I sent Hayes a text.
I’d be bringing his lunch by today, and I wouldn’t be leaving until I had some answers.
I found my way to the math building easily enough. It was snowing again, but lightly enough that the roads were okay and the accumulation was low. I wouldn’t stay long, just in case. Or maybe I’d even get Hayes to drive me home.
The halls were mostly empty when I entered, and I could hear the distant sounds of lecture coming from behind the closed doors that I passed. When I reached the one that Hayes taught in, I peeked through the narrow rectangle of glass built into door and saw the risers full of students listening attentively. Hayes stood at the front, his back to the class as he scribbled on the gigantic board that took up the front of the room.
I took a moment to appreciate how good he looked. His gray pants were a shade too snug over what was a very defined backside, and the black vest he wore over his dress shirt accentuated the broad shoulders and trim line of his waist. His shirtsleeves, rolled up to the elbows, showed off powerful forearms, the muscle in them flexing as he stroked the chalk across the board.
“May I help you with something?”
I jumped and turned to the speaker and felt a spear of pain in my temple at the movement. The voice belonged to the blonde from the restaurant. As then, she was dressed now in a form-fitting sweater top and a pencil skirt that landed above her knees — tasteful but undeniably sexy. “Serena.”
She wrinkled her forehead. “I’m sorry, have we met?”
Exsqueeze me? I drew back, annoyed. What game was she playing? She knew well who I was. Aside from the awareness I could see in the depths of her eyes, there had been that active dislike at John John’s. One didn’t have contempt for someone one day and forget their existence the next.
I decided to call her on it. “I believe you know we’ve met.”
“It must have slipped my mind. Anyway, can I assist?” She inclined her head toward the door. “I’m Hayes’s TA.”
Hayes’s.
There was something in her voice...something intimate. Something victorious.
“Are all TAs on a first name basis with their professors?”