“No. You do. You don’t understand what you saw —”
Anger flared, bright and burning and I gave it its lead. “I understand it perfectly well. What I saw broke my heart, Hayes. Not once, but twice. Once when it happened, and again when I remembered it. Do you even know why I was there that evening? I had just found out we were going to have a baby, and I couldn’t wait to tell you. I was so happy.” I stabbed the button for the elevator. Once. Twice. A third time. “And then I saw her.”
Hayes was suddenly between me and the elevator, his large hands gripping my upper arms. “I tried to tell you then, and you ran. I tried to explain when you remembered, and you ran again. You’re not running today, Birdie. Listen to me.” He bent and glared, his words urgent and impossible to ignore. “You didn’t see what you think you saw. I would never do that to you, love. Never.”
I rubbed my forehead, weary suddenly. “We’ve been over this before, Hayes. I told you. I believe you. It doesn’t change the fact that you lied to me. And it hurts.”
“Lied? I told you the truth, Birdie!”
I looked at him in disbelief. “You knew, Hayes! You knew the circumstances behind my accident and you never told me. You hid the truth behind my memory loss and if I hadn’t remembered on my own, you never would have said a word. That’s a lie.”
“That’s not true.” His voice was tortured. “I was going to tell you. I just needed you to love me again before I did. You needed to have a reason to stay.”
I pulled my arms gently from his grasp and put distance between us. “Well, congratulations. You succeeded in making me fall for you all over again.” My voice broke and I swiped at a tear angrily.
“I’m sorry, Birdie. I never wanted to hurt you.” Hayes sat again on the sofa and patted the cushion beside him. “Please. Sit. Talk to me, and when we finish, I promise if it’s what you want, I’ll let you go.”
An image of Serena in the shop days earlier flashed across my mind. After a brief hesitation, I sat. “Talk.”
I folded my hands on my lap to still their trembling and I waited. He stood up and began to pace in front of me, almost like a lawyer presenting his final argument.
“Okay, so I’ve already explained what happened. You’ve indicated you understand, and that you believe me. Is that correct?” He looked to me for confirmation and I nodded. I did. I believed him. He drew in a breath and continued. “When you left, I asked myself where I fucked up. It took me a little while, but eventually I figured it out. It wasn’t...it isn’t...a question of trust. It might have been initially, but you know now. I don’t see anyone else but you.” As he spoke, he darted searching glances my way, as if to check that I was listening. “It wasn’t a matter of trust. Regardless of whether you trust me or not, you have every right to request that I not work in proximity to a woman sexually harassing me. I would ask the same of you. More than likely after I kicked someone’s ass.” He stopped to stand before me, making me lift my face to look at him. “It took me a minute to figure out that it was about something very different a question of choice. I didn’t choose you; I chose my job.”
I closed my eyes. I hadn’t fully realized until later that’s what I had needed. I had lived most of my life feeling the opposite of chosen. Mom had chosen a fleeting love affair over loyalty to her family. My father had chosen his grief over me. More recently, my mother had chosen to move and begin a new life rather than stay with me.
And Hayes. Without even realizing he was doing it, he had chosen his career. At least…he had until he apprehended what that meant, how I would perceive it.
I felt him drop to his knees in front of me. Never releasing my hand, he took hold of my hips with both of his and dropped his head to my lap. “I’m so fucking sorry, baby. I had to get you here. I had to show you that I choose you, today and everyday hereafter. I’ll always choose you. Please —”
I grabbed his face and lifted it to mine. “It’s okay.” I kissed him, quick and sure. “You didn’t know. I didn’t even fully comprehend that’s what I was upset about until later. You couldn’t have known. The fact that you got there without me telling you…” My hands slid down his neck, to his shoulders, and back again. “That’s all I ever needed.”
Our lips clung for several blissful moments before he pulled back. “Wait. I brought you here for a reason.” He stood and walked to a consul table against the far wall, picking up a folder from its surface. “This is a documented, detailed accounting of every time Serena Hansen made unwanted advances toward me. I even included a few notes she left in my office. I spoke to Assistant Dean Hansen personally a few days ago and requested that she be removed effective immediately as my TA, but he asked me to bring in physical copies of my request. I wanted to show this to you before I slipped it into his mail slot.”
I looked at the folder he placed in my hands and brushed my palm over its surface. “She showed up at the shop a couple of days ago,” I told him. His face darkened. “No — it’s okay. She was angry. Accused me of getting her fired. I wondered. I kept expecting you to call.”
He rubbed the back of his neck, expression sheepish. “I was trying to give you space. Time to think.”
I nodded, then handed the file to him. “And then you decided the best thing to do would be to hang up Lost Fiancé posters and have perfect strangers blow my phone up.”
He bent, placed another lingering kiss on my lips before straightening. “I was lost, Birdie. I needed you to find me.”
“I love you, Big. Even if I never get my memory back, I’ll never forget that I love you.”
He exhaled and slid the folder into Hansen’s mail slot before turning back to me. He took both hands in his and pulled me to my feet. “I don’t deserve you.” Pulling me close, he rocked me back and forth, his arms around my waist. “And I really, really want to get you naked.”
I gave a mock gasp and laughed. “What’s stopping you?”
His eyes roamed the room. “I just wouldn’t be surprised if there were cameras.” His face grew serious. “Will you wear my ring again, Birdie? Will you marry me?”
A searching glance. A shaky smile. A nod.
Hayes moved the hands locked around my waist to my hold my left hand, and I discovered the ring held securely in one fist. He slid it on to my ring finger, then raised it to press against his lips. “I love you, Smalls.”
After another lengthy kiss, we entered the elevator. We were still smiling foolishly at one another when we emerged onto the first floor and found Remi waiting. She grinned when she saw us.
“Does this mean all is well?”
Hayes pulled her in to a tight bear hug that had her squealing. “This means you better get ready to catch a bouquet.”
“Hard pass on that, but you know I’m down for my maid of honor duties.”
I wrapped one arm around her waist and the other around Hayes as we walked out of the building and down the steps to the parking area. “Sometimes you don’t get to choose, babe. Sometimes, you’re the chosen.”
“I Remember It,