Mum and Dad continued to be a big help to us in the weeks after the performances. Mum felt that Houston was great for us. She was positive about my support network and could see how admired and loved Li was in the city. ‘He’s a superstar here,’ she noted.
Li took the opportunity to talk with Neil George about doing an accounting course. He had always been interested in finance and knew that one day his own dance career would come to an end, too. Li also felt he had to step up and start preparing for the future. With Sophie’s ongoing medical costs and me not working, things could become difficult for us financially. Our medical insurance with the Houston Ballet was quite generous and allowed us to cover the cost of Sophie’s deafness. However, if we left the ballet, she would no longer be covered. I could sense that Li was feeling apprehensive about our future and wanted to ensure that we were financially secure.
It was time to get on with teaching Sophie to speak, but the feeling of isolation became worse. Sometimes it was more than I could bear. Li saw this and suggested that I return to the studio occasionally to coach him. It would provide some brief respite between speech therapy lessons. I thought it was a good idea – I had always been interested in teaching ballet since Miss Hansen took me on to help teach the younger classes in Rocky. But Li and I knew that there was another reason: to keep my sadness at bay.
‘Mary, can you have a look at this solo I’m doing?’ he’d ask. I would then watch his solo in the studio and discuss what he needed to do. I began advising him on footwork, lines and elevation. ‘Point those feet faster and longer . . . Don’t worry about landing,’ I’d say. Eventually, I became his private coach, and he continued to allow me to be his teacher for many more years. It was a very generous and brave thing for him to do. He understood I needed it, and in a way he did, too.
At the end of each day he would offer to take care of Sophie, seeing how tired I was. I was grateful and would ignore his terrible accent as he’d sing, ‘Rain, rain, go away’ and ‘Incy Wincy spider’. With Sophie he also endlessly watched videos of a popular Australian children’s TV program called Play School that Mum had sent from Australia. Over this period, Li became very mindful of his accent and pronunciation and syntax. He paid more attention to me as I was teaching Sophie, and his English improved enormously.
I fell pregnant quite quickly. I was excited, but nervous about this baby also being deaf. Once you have a deaf child, there is a one in four chance of having another. But we were willing to take the risk.
I was also anxious to know what sex the baby was. For some reason I felt that having another girl so close to Sophie could be difficult for her as girls usually attain language early. So, a baby girl would surpass Sophie like a bullet. I worried that the comparison could become a disaster for their relationship. Boys usually acquire language slower than girls and I was so relieved to learn we were having a boy.
A little brother for our girl! A boy for Li to rough-and-tumble with! Apart from the worry about his hearing, we were both deliriously happy and excited.
Sophie and I worked harder, making the most of the time we had left as a twosome. By this time, her vocabulary had not expanded to more than fifty receptive words – words she could comprehend and respond to. A two-year-old hearing child would not only have vastly more than fifty receptive words but also could express those words. With her third birthday not far away, I became more aware of Sophie’s lack of language and concepts. I paid special attention to other little children and analysed what they were doing. Many had started asking ‘Why?’. I learned that hearing children’s language snowballs after the age of three. Progress with speech therapy was painfully slow and Sophie could only recognise my voice in a quiet, close environment, so how would I ever teach her this concept?
As if that wasn’t enough, we decided to move house. With our growing family we needed more room – including an extra bedroom for the baby. We enjoyed living close to the ballet studio and theatre so that Li could dash home quickly. I looked around our neighbourhood and found one house for sale just up the street. Perfect! It was in an ideal location. We bought 423 Euclid Street, a nicely renovated double-storey house with a wraparound porch at the front and a small yard at the back. There were lots of trees and a trampoline. The kitchen was new and flowed out onto the backyard. The carpeted bedrooms upstairs were quiet and there was also a cute little library nook great for reading.
Moving was an undertaking. Li had so much stuff. We hired a van and Li’s good friend John Grensback and some other company dancers came to help. I desperately wanted to get rid of some things, but Li just wouldn’t throw anything out. There were old papers, diaries and letters from right back to his days at the Beijing Dance Academy. There were also programs, posters, photos and videos in the thousands from just about every ballet he had danced, and artefacts like the Buddha heads he’d bought in Bali. On top of this, there was a garage full of hardware: nails, old chairs and even windows and doors. These were from Niang and Dia trawling garage sales. Li was very suspicious if I tried to throw anything out. If something couldn’t be found, I’d be blamed. Luckily, we also had a garage at the new house. But the cars wouldn’t live there, just all Li’s junk.
Eventually we settled into the new house. We were glad to move into a bigger space. The thought of two children running around the yard as they grew up filled me with happiness. I couldn’t wait to see my little girl and boy bouncing together on the trampoline and climbing the old trees in the backyard. It brought back wonderful memories of my own carefree childhood.
But moving house was difficult for Sophie, as I wasn’t able to explain it to her – everything had to be lived through for her to understand it. She didn’t know what was happening and she was stubborn. I’d also been having a lot of trouble toilet-training her. How could I ever explain what the toilet was for if she didn’t have the language yet? Because her life was so visual, whenever we moved or changed anything, any little thing, the only way she could control the situation was through her bowels, and that’s what she did when we moved. She wouldn’t go for a whole week!
Another big thing was to get her into her own bed. She had been sleeping with us for about a year, but now it was time to make way for the new baby. We set up the little room next door to our bedroom. It was a lovely room with her favourite toys and a window that looked out to the leafy neighbourhood. However, Sophie was having none of it. She loved being in her room, but not to sleep alone. Often she would get up and follow me to our bed.
I was very conscious of how difficult it was for Sophie to understand new situations. A birthday party would be unfathomable to her, with all the new language it required. So, I decided we wouldn’t celebrate Sophie’s third birthday. Then my friend Virginia Trier called. I had met ‘Ginya’ just before Sophie’s diagnosis. She was a good friend of Ava Jean’s, with a six-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son of her own. She was surprised to learn that I was not celebrating Sophie’s birthday. ‘Mary, I’d love to organise a party for her. Let me do that,’ she offered. I could hardly refuse and was deeply touched by her generosity.
It turned out to be a beautiful Sunday afternoon at Ginya’s place. She bought a pretty cake, decorated the house with balloons and streamers and invited all the Monday Mad Mothers and their children over to swim and have cake. The husbands came too. Li and some other dads swam with the children in the pool and he quickly developed a good friendship with Ginya’s husband, Clayton, a CEO of a successful company. I had to take out Sophie’s hearing aids for her to go in the pool, which gave me an afternoon of no teaching stress and instead I relaxed with the Mad Mothers. Unfortunately, though, Sophie developed a stomach-ache and was holding her tummy all afternoon.