“In my room,” I said. “Are you going to the pool afterward?”
Henry laughed. “Dude, the wedding is tomorrow. No pool for a minute. I’d get your ass up here and try your own tux on.”
I muttered something like maybe and hung up. Okay, Sam, Mason, and Henry might be busy, but what about Keegan?
* * *
Mac: Where you at?
* * *
Keegan: Banquet hall. Come over.
* * *
That sounded a bit more promising. After asking directions from an employee, I went in search of my tall friend and prayed that Jules wasn’t with him.
He was sitting at a white-clothed table on his phone in the middle of a massive, high-ceilinged room filled with tables, a stage, and a dance floor. Unfortunately, sitting next to him was Jules. She was talking to him, ranting about something. She fell quiet when she saw me approach and an annoyed expression landed on her face.
“What do you want?” she asked. Keegan looked up at her tone and grimaced at me.
“Hey Mac,” he said.
I ignored Jules completely. “Mornin’ mate. What are ya doing in here?”
He snorted. “Morning? It’s well past that.”
“All relative.”
He shook his head. “Well, to answer your question, I came in with the girls to check out the space.” He nodded toward a door. “They’re in the kitchen.”
As the words left his mouth, the door swung open and a collection of the last people on Earth I wanted to see right now came out.
Sarah and Beck led the way. Behind them followed Mariana, Alice, and for some unholy reason, Margot. They were laughing like someone just finished telling a joke and looked way too happy about it.
Three out of five sobered once they saw me standing there. I ignored the abrupt change in the air and grinned. “Afternoon ladies,” I said. “Prepping for tonight?”
I watched Alice, but she wouldn’t meet my eye. Mariana seemed overly interested in the centerpieces adorning the tables. Only Margot maintained steady eye contact. But it was Beck who answered me.
“Yep! Remember, the rehearsal dinner is at six. Did you go to the fitting with the guys?”
“Yeah,” I lied. “Everything’s looking good.”
A silence descended that was equal parts awkward and terrible. My easy smile somehow persisted.
“Well,” Beck said, after a solid three beats, “we’re going to go check on the flowers. Feel free to hang out if you want.”
I nodded. “Thanks,” I said. Then I turned to Alice. “Can I talk to you? Just for a moment.”
Her eyes flicked to Beck’s and then to mine. There was confliction there, but then she nodded. “Sure. Just for a moment.”
I turned and walked back toward the hall, hearing her soft footsteps following me. This hadn’t been part of the plan. But, like usual, there wasn’t really any plan. I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to say to her.
Once we were out of eyesight in the hallway, I turned to face her and immediately bit back a wince. It was maddeningly difficult to be alone with her. My feet wanted to take a step closer. My mouth wanted to cover hers again. I held them both in line.
“So…” I started.
She crossed her arms and looked down. Those brilliant browns wouldn’t meet my eye. “What?” she asked.
“You left this morning.”
Her mouth tightened into a straight line. “Yeah,” she said. “Sorry. I just… The wedding. There’s been a lot to do. I couldn’t stay.”
It was an excuse and we both knew it. If she wanted to stay, she would have.
“That’s fine,” I lied. “I didn’t expect you to.”
A strange expression passed over her face, one that might have been regret or maybe it was disappointment. However it just as likely could have been relief. I apparently wasn’t as good at reading Alice as I thought I was. Last night I’d really thought she would stay.
“Great,” Alice said briskly after a beat. “Thanks for understanding.”
“Great,” I repeated. Another beat. This one longer, worse, than the previous. I couldn’t stand it for much longer. I turned to go. Where exactly I wasn’t sure, as long as it wasn’t here.
“Wait a minute,” she said.
I turned, raised an eyebrow.
“What was last night?” she asked. That look was back on her face, fixed there, not fleeting, yet still just as unreadable.
What did she want me to say? What did I want to say? I remembered reaching for her in the darkness, feeling the still-warm indent where she’d once been. Waking up alone. It was fine if I expected it.
But I never again wanted it to come as a surprise.
“It was fun,” I said, shrugging. “I’d be up for it again. But I hope you don’t think…” I trailed off as she shook her head emphatically.
“Of course,” she said. “Yeah. It was fun.” She was silent. So was I.
“Well, I’ll see you around,” I said.
“Of course,” she said again.
I turned and walked away, not looking back, feeling a cavernous ache more painful than a bat to the head. Shit. This was what I was trying to avoid, goddammit. I needed distraction. Immediately.
I turned the corner and ran directly into Margot. Good god…
She had her hands on her hips and mouth open, ready to tell me something that I was sure was supposed to make me tremble in my boots. I raised a hand, cutting her off.
“Not in the mood,” I said. “There are about a thousand rich guys you could go bother. Please leave me alone.”
I brushed past her and walked quickly down the hall before she could try and stop me. I hoped she finally got the hint.
My feet found the rest of me a bar. It was one I hadn’t stumbled upon yet and reminded me of the dark Irish pubs back home in New York. I chuckled a bit at the thought as I ordered a glass of my own label and put a foot on the rail. Back home in New York. When had I stopped considering Ireland my home? When had the American knock-off of an Irish pub become the standard in my mind?
It was probably somewhere around the time when I realized there was nothing left for me in Ireland. Just angry, thieving siblings, a drunk and disappointed Da, and friends that I didn’t even recognize any longer.
The latter shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise. The boys had been wild, young and reckless. We’d felt invincible, but we were far from it. Just kids trying to beat back the world from encroaching on our own.
And once Sammy, the de facto leader, up and split with his girl, it was like all our luck went with him.
Charlie got nabbed by the cops after a robbery gone bad and got sent up river for twelve years at Portlaoise. Dan Boy got shot in the head after a wild night turned a fight into murder. Looking for firm leadership, Freddy Three Fingers and Squash got more and more wrapped up in the local chapter. At first I was right there alongside ‘em. Until Squash bungled a drop and got beat so bad he ended up a vegetable and then dead himself.
I was only nineteen and two of my best friends were dead, and a third might as well have been. I was done with the life. Didn’t want to be the next in the casket. Freddy and I had gotten into a drag-down, knock-out brawl when I told him I was heading out and that he would come with me if he knew what was good for him. He accused me of being a coward. I’d set him straight and walked out of Dublin on foot with seven euros to my name.