George’s pale cheeks pinked up. “Um, can I ask you something personal?”
“Of course.” He had an idea what the question might be but he let George find his own words.
“How do you, uh, prefer to have sex?”
“I like having sex all kinds of ways, depending on my partner at the time. Who they are and what they’re comfortable with.”
George flashed him an exasperated look. “When you have sex with men, Levi. Do you top or bottom, and what do you expect from me?”
Levi loved this assertive side of George. “I don’t expect anything from you except honesty and mutual respect, in and out of bed. And if you’re looking for an easy label, then I would consider myself versatile. I like to top and bottom for men. I also love what we do, and I would be perfectly happy if you never wanted to try penetration in either position. I know that penetration is the end goal of most porn, and that you’ve watched a lot with your job, but it’s not the end goal of all relationships. Some couples are perfectly happy never going there.”
He ran his fingers through George’s hair, enjoying the way George leaned into his petting. “What are you interested in trying, George?”
“I’m not totally sure.” George bit his lower lip in the most adorable way.
“What are things you’ve fantasized about?”
“Topping.” His cheeks flamed brighter but George never looked away. “I’m curious how it feels. But I’m scared because sometimes it looks like bottoming hurts, and I’d never want to hurt another person. Not even by accident.”
He kept stroking George’s scalp. “The good news is I’ve had enough anal sex to know how to do it carefully. And if we did do that, you topping me, I would absolutely speak up if something hurt. I’ve...” Levi struggled to find the right words without lying to George. “I’ve been hurt a few times in the past, and I never want you to have the same regrets I do.”
Anger flared in George’s expressive blue eyes. “I’m sorry someone hurt you. Were they punished?”
“Not by the law, but I like to think that karma or the universe has caught up to them.” He wanted to tell George more, to share this part of his past, so he led him over to Levi’s bunk. They sat, holding hands, George watching him intently. “The same day I found my cats on the side of the road, I took them to a vet in a small town. His name was Dr. Grant Clark, and we flirted a bit. He told me about a campground nearby. I decided to stay close while the kittens were young. Eventually, we started dating and sleeping together. I fell in love with him.”
When Levi didn’t continue, George quietly asked, “How did Grant hurt you? Did he...attack you?”
“Emotionally, yes.” Old hurts flooded back, and Levi fought to find his center. To get through this conversation without losing his temper in front of George. “He betrayed my trust. He asked to film us having sex one night, said he thought it would be super hot to watch us together later. I thought he was just being extra kinky, and I trusted him so I said yes. I’m not sure what changed after that but our relationship began to go south. He became distant, rude, and he’d pick on me for my beliefs. My jogging and meditating. I finally had enough, broke up with him, and hit the road again.”
“He didn’t like you leaving.”
Levi sighed heavily and pressed his shoulder to George’s. “That’s putting it mildly. He went the revenge porn route and posted our sex tape online.”
“Fuck.” More fury darkened George’s expression. “Shit, I am so sorry.”
“I felt extremely betrayed but mostly I was embarrassed for my father and the rodeo, because they were named in the description. I sent takedown notices but I couldn’t prosecute Grant because I’d agreed to make the tape. A few months later, I heard from Robin again for the first time in years, and I knew that leaving had been the best decision I could have made. Hearing from my brother, that he was happy and safe, put me back on my path. And eventually that path led me here.”
“I’m glad you’re here.” George brushed soft lips over his. “I’m sorry for what you went through.”
It wasn’t the worst thing Levi had gone through in his thirty-four years, but that wasn’t a story for tonight. “Thank you. Grant was the first person I truly thought I’d fallen in love with, but looking back, I think I fell in love with the idea of him. Being with someone. Having that one great love like Robin and Xander had. Except human beings are capable of infinite kinds of love, because now Robin has Shawn, and they are insanely happy together. They give me hope.”
“Hope you’ll fall in love for real?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve never been in love before.”
“I know.” And I don’t know if I’m meant to love you but I’m willing to take the chance. The words couldn’t make it past Levi’s lips. They were too much for this early moment. “It’s scary and exciting, and totally worth it with the right person. I believe that.”
“You believing helps me believe it. I know I’m only twenty-three, but I feel so old sometimes, and I want a life. I want Orry to have a life. I want us both to have a real life, even if it takes us away from each other for a while.”
“The great thing about the time we’re living in? Even if you’re ten thousand miles from someone you love, you can still see them face-to-face with your phone or tablet. I can tell how much you love your brother, but maybe it’s time to put your own happiness first.”
George didn’t speak, only held his gaze for a long time, before kissing Levi. Levi willingly went to his back, giving George all the control. They kissed for ages with George slotted between his spread legs. George didn’t initiate more, though, and Levi didn’t press. They kissed until exhausted, and after going through separate bedtime routines, curled up together in Levi’s bed. Sharing one space for the first time, with George snuggled up against Levi’s back. The big spoon.
Levi fell asleep dreaming of the day George slid home inside his body. He knew to his bones that the experience would be spectacular.
* * *
George experienced the unique sensation of coming awake pressed up close to an adult male body, and he smiled at the back of Levi’s head. They were still in the same positions as when they fell asleep, and while George’s left arm was a little numb, he was glad. He liked being snuggled up to Levi’s broader body. George felt safe and protected in his arms, and he was grateful to hold Levi for a little while. To offer comfort after Levi had shared something personal and painful with him.
George wasn’t generally a vengeful person but if he ever stumbled across this Grant Clark character, he was likely to give the asshole a swift kick to the nuts for betraying Levi like that. And while the majority of the subtitle work George did was for name studios, it made him sick to think he could have ever accidentally seen Grant’s video.