Orry quirked an eyebrow. “Why? Did you meet some hot chick while on vacation?”
“No, I didn’t meet a hot chick.” Now or never. George steeled his spine and said, “I’m dating Levi. I’m gay.”
Orry stared blankly, then pulled his hand away from George’s. “You’re dating Levi? He’s like, a bazillion years older than you.”
“Eleven years.” And George was a bit turned around by the fact that Orry wasn’t reacting more strongly to the whole I’m gay announcement.
“Eleven is a lot, dude, especially when you’ve never dated before. Like, literally never dated anyone.”
“Well, who have you dated?”
“I don’t know, a few girls casually. Have you ever even had sex?”
George’s face went hot all over. “Um.”
“Oh fuck, forget I asked.” Orry rubbed his palms into his eyes. “I don’t need any mental images of my baby brother having sex with anyone of any gender, thank you very much.” He put his hands flat to the table and adopted his big-brother stare. “Are you guys being safe?”
“Yes, we’re being safe.” They hadn’t reached a level yet where condoms were essential, but Orry said he didn’t need those details, and George left it there. “I really care about Levi. He’s kind and considerate, and he has this inner peace that makes me feel comfortable. Safe. I had the best time with him this week, and we agreed to keep seeing each other. I think you’ll really like him if you get to know him.”
“Okay.” Orry frowned. “Twin question. How long have you known you’re gay?”
“Known? Maybe a year or two. Suspected? All the way back to skating. Admiring other boys way more than the girls. And not just for their technique. And since we’re playing this game, when did you know you’re straight?”
His brother laughed. “Fourth grade, when Megan Winkler hit puberty and her boobs got kind of big, and I really wanted to know what they felt like.”
“Well, that’s vivid.”
“Yeah.” His mirth faded away beneath another serious frown. “I just need to know you are absolutely okay with everything you’ve done with Levi. I know the stuff I did when I was sixteen was out of desperation and drug addiction, and I remember how much some stuff hurt. I don’t ever want you to be in pain, George.”
George stood, moved around the table, and knelt beside Orry’s chair. Pulled Orry down to the floor so they were facing each other on an equal level. “I promise you I have never felt pain while I’m with Levi. He is careful. Generous. And yes, he’s my first, so maybe it won’t last forever with him. But I swear that I am safe with him no matter what. I believe that with my whole heart.”
Orry searched his eyes for several long moments before saying, “Okay. I trust you, and I believe you. I do want you to be happy, I swear. I guess I’ve spent seven years trying to protect you, and I never really thought about what would make you happy and safe, rather than just safe.”
“Probably because I could never look beyond the boundaries of our apartment. I was terrified of being controlled and manipulated again, and I hid from everyone. But I don’t have any of those fears when I’m with Levi. He is...everything I never knew I needed. And I want to be with him for as long as he’ll have me. Or for as long as I believe our relationship is healthy for me.”
“Good.” Orry brought George’s right hand up and kissed his knuckles. “That makes me feel better about this whole thing. Not the gay thing, I don’t care about that. I just needed to hear you say you want a healthy relationship.”
“Because of Adrian?”
“Mostly. You let him in the apartment this past summer.”
“I know, and it was a stupid decision. But I promise it won’t happen again. He has no more power over me. He’s a ghost, part of my past. And if he rings the bell again, I swear I’ll call the police.”
“Good.” Orry hauled him into a hug. “I love you.”
“Me too.”
“So you went on vacation and snagged yourself a cowboy, huh?”
George laughed as he pulled back, beyond grateful for his twin’s easy acceptance of his truth. “I guess you could say that. I think we were both nudging in that direction, but the close proximity kind of forced the issue. In a good way. No bad force.”
“Good. So am I allowed to be mad at you for telling Levi you’re gay before you told me?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I mean, I’m not mad, but I’m glad I have the right to be if I want to.”
“You’re not?”
“No, dummy. You’re my brother and I love you no matter what. I’m glad you’re finally starting to get a life. I know how badly Adrian hurt you, and I love knowing that he doesn’t have a hold over you anymore. You’re living the life you deserve.”
George blinked hard as his eyes burned. “We both are, brother. Finally. No more letting the past control us, right?”
“Right. So when do I get to pull the whole ‘you hurt my brother and I hurt you’ speech on Levi? It’s kind of my duty as your twin.”
“You only get to do that if I get to pull it on Zoey.”
“Never. Got it.”
“Exactly. And maybe the four of us can even go out on a double date.”
Orry’s eyebrows went up, even as his lips twisted into a grin. “Like in a restaurant? You actually want to go out?”
“Eventually. Being at the ranch this past week and around other people in a safe environment...it was something I needed.” George was beyond proud of himself for everything he’d accomplished this week. And maybe he’d struggle with anxiety for the rest of his life but he knew deep down he could manage it. It didn’t have to control him anymore. He could find new ways to control it. “I mean, I’m not ready to go hit up a crowded bar on a Friday night, but a small casual place sounds nice. Maybe even a movie.”
“Who are you and where is my actual twin?” But the excitement in Orry’s eyes was everything in that moment. He hauled George into another hug. “I am so fucking proud of you. To be honest, now that I’m seeing Zoey, I’ve been thinking about a way to bring up you getting out more. Meeting people. I guess you took care of that all by yourself.”
“By rescuing a cat.”
“And visiting the ghost town. And agreeing to Thanksgiving dinner. You made those choices. You took those steps. You can do anything you set your mind to, you always could. I think you just forgot how for a while.”