“Where?”
“Into the city to talk to George. It can’t wait until tomorrow. It’s waited long enough.”
“Well, drive safely and get there in one piece, okay?”
“I will.” He passed Shawn coming inside the house just as he was barreling out and tossed him a quick, “Hi, bye,” as he hightailed it to his truck, desperate to talk to his boyfriend.
* * *
George mostly deconstructed the grilled chicken sandwich Orry had brought him for dinner, too stressed and upset to eat. Orry had a rare evening off, and he wolfed down his own sandwich and fries, while also texting. Probably with Zoey. The pair was in each other’s back pockets whenever possible, and their joy only made George more and more jealous.
Jealous and stupid, because George was the idiot who wouldn’t simply talk to Levi about his fears. That he knew about Levi taking over Lucky’s next year, and he was terrified of being dumped. But George had never been in this sort of position before, and he loathed confrontation. He didn’t know how to tell Levi what he knew or to demand answers and clarification. His anxiety monster insisted he was going to lose the best thing in his life soon, and he didn’t want to face that.
So he moped when he was alone and tried to shine when he was with Levi, and the whole thing had left his stomach a mess this weekend. He’d downed antacids several times today, and the few bites of his sandwich he’d managed were not sitting well. Thankfully, Orry was distracted enough by his phone that he didn’t notice.
It also hurt a little that he didn’t notice. Orry had always been attuned to George’s bad moods. But George also wasn’t the sole focus on Orry’s life anymore. George had to learn to share his big brother’s attention.
Still hurt.
Orry left the table first, phone in hand, and went to his room. George scraped the rest of his sandwich into the trash, the simple sight of it making him queasy. He was ahead on his current assignments in preparation for Levi picking him up in the morning for their weekend, so he spread out on his side on the futon and watched TV. Whatever was on, mindlessly flipping channels during commercial breaks, unable to settle on one particular thing. Work was even proving a challenge some days. His mind wandered during scenes and he’d miss the dialogue—such as it was, sometimes—and have to go back.
He’d started dozing during a rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond when the doorbell buzzed. They almost never had visitors, and George trudged to the call box. Fully expecting it to be Zoey, he hit the button to unlock the front door and trudged back to the futon. But Orry didn’t emerge from his room. George’s gut cramped. Had he made a mistake not asking who it was? What if he’d just let Adrian into the building again?
He jumped when someone knocked, his heart pounding hard. George inched closer to the door. “Who is it?”
“It’s Levi,” was the unexpected, muffled response.
“Levi.” George turned the deadbolt, opened the door, and gaped at the unexpected sight of Levi on his landing. “You’re here.” And way early.
“I need to talk to you about something important, and it couldn’t wait.”
His insides shriveled up. This was the moment Levi confessed about taking over Lucky’s and leaving him. He took a step back, allowing Levi to come inside. Orry popped his head out of his room and said, “Hey, dude, I thought we were meeting up tomorrow morning.”
“Change of plans,” Levi said. “I really need some privacy to talk to George.”
“No sweat. I’ll chill downstairs in the living room.” Orry flashed George a curious look on his way out of the apartment. George had no idea what his own face looked like. Probably a combination of glum and terrified.
“I know what you’re going to say.” George moved to put the futon between them, needing the physical barrier and unsure exactly why. His hands started shaking. “You’re going away with Lucky’s next year, aren’t you?”
Levi took a single step closer, hands loose by his sides, his expression determined. “I have not made that decision, George. It was wrong of me to keep this from you for as long as I have, and I own that mistake. I accept and acknowledge your hurt, and I am so sorry for causing it. My father did offer me the chance to take over running the rodeo next season after he retires, but I did not give him an answer.”
“Why not?”
“Because of us. Because when Dad offered, we were still feeling each other out. Still becoming an us that made sense.”
Annoyance crept up to overcome some of George’s fear. “How long ago did he offer?”
“Christmas Day.”
“That was almost three fucking months ago!” He hadn’t meant to yell, but what the actual fuck? Three months of sitting on this secret?
“I know, and I am so sorry. And I’m even sorrier you found this out from Shawn and not me. The only person I told was Robin, and he obviously let something slip, and that’s not an excuse. I didn’t turn my dad down flat on his offer, so I should have told you about it sooner. Especially after I said I love you. I owed you that truth and I know I broke your trust by not sharing it.”
George wanted to rage at his boyfriend for keeping something this important from him but he didn’t have the energy to do it. All he had was anger and defeat, and defeat was winning. “You didn’t tell Doug no because you’re considering it.”
“It’s my family’s legacy. I loved my time with Lucky’s. I love being on the road, on the move. But I also love you, and I love living in Garrett. I suppose I foolishly hoped all those loves could come together somehow. I didn’t want to disappoint my dad or disappoint you.”
The conflict in his heart played out all over Levi’s face, and it dimmed some of George’s anger. Not all but some. He circled the futon and sat on one end. Levi sat on the other, a long distance between them. “I think I understand why you didn’t say anything in December,” George said. “We were still feeling things out, falling in love. But these last few weeks, Levi? I didn’t expect you to keep a secret this big from me. Stuff about your past, sure, those things are private, but something that affects both of our futures?”
“You’re right.”
“I know.” George picked at seam of his jeans. “But I’m also wrong. When Shawn first let it slip, I should have said something to you about it, instead of letting it fester. You always say people shouldn’t keep things bottled up and I did that. Just like I let Orry get away with the Thanksgiving lie for weeks before I confronted him. I don’t like confrontation. It always ends badly.”
“It didn’t end badly with Orry.”
“True. I guess I keep comparing everything to my last encounter with Adrian.”