Dean smiles softly. “Your mom texted me. She said you were awake.”
“My mom was okay with you seeing me?” I wonder through a frown.
“She saw what a wreck I was. I was losing my damn mind the night they brought you in. I thought you were gone.” He shifts on the bed, pulling me closer. “Your mom took me aside and said it would be better if I stayed away for Mandy’s sake, but she’d keep me updated on your condition. Trust me, Cora, if it were up to me I wouldn’t have left your side.”
I raise my hand and press the pads of my fingers to his cheek, grazing them down his jawline. I watch his eyes flutter in contentment. I’m overcome by the feelings sweeping through me, wondering how something so beautiful, so powerful, so right, could be so very wrong.
But right or wrong, I know one thing is for certain. “This is real, isn’t it?”
I’ve been trying to deny it. I’ve been pushing away the blinding truths, telling myself we’re still trapped in that emotional prison of Earl’s basement. These feelings aren’t genuine, they aren’t real—they were manufactured by trauma and isolation. This was all a part of Earl’s twisted plan, and he succeeded tenfold.
Only… it’s getting harder and harder to believe that. The truth is in the way Dean holds me, the way he sings me to sleep and silences my demons with a gentle stroke of his hand. It’s in the way my heart beats differently when he’s near. It’s in the way I envision a future, a future I can never have, and he’s there. He’s always there.
It’s in the way he’s looking at me right now.
Dean studies me, his eyes darting over my face, memorizing every fine line, every crack and crease. A smile touches his lips, as if we’re finally coming to terms with what we both already knew. “Yeah, Corabelle. It’s real.”
I bury myself into his chest, nuzzling my nose to his shirt and breathing him in. “Can you hold me until I fall asleep?”
“Of course.”
He hums a song against my hair like a soothing lullaby as I soak up his warmth and let it fill every cold, empty pocket inside me.
I cling to what will never be mine.
As my eyes close, my body calm and my mind in a temporary state of peace, I find myself drifting out to sea. I’m back on that beach, running into his arms, watching the seagulls fly overhead as he spins me around beneath the setting sun.
I’m still not sure where the words came from.
Were they a whisper on the wind in a magical dream? Or were they spoken into my hair, a soft confession, a haunting promise of everything that will never come to be?
Either way, I let the words sink in. They breathe new life into me as I fall into a restful sleep.
“I love you.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
“You should come out with me tonight.”
I’m sitting with my best friend in our favorite local coffee shop, sipping on a latte like I didn’t just attempt suicide two weeks ago.
I glance up at Lily, cupping the warm brew between my palms, considering her offer while nibbling my lip. “I don’t know. I go back to work on Monday—I should probably just rest up and relax this weekend.”
Lily fiddles with her long, dark braid hanging over one shoulder. “I think it will be good for you. You’ve been a hermit ever since…” She lowers her eyes. “Well, you know. I feel like it’s only been taking you down a black hole of despair. You need fun and friends.”
I instinctively reach for my wrist, catching myself before I start scratching at it. I finger my necklace instead. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know those words. Are they new?”
She shakes her head with a laugh. “Come on, Cora. I’m meeting Amy and the guys at the new brewery downtown. Everyone would love to see you.”
“I’m a mess, Lily. This morning was the first time in weeks I put on pants that didn’t have an elastic waistband and nautical dog patterns.”
“Exactly. It’s time to put yourself back out there.” Lily shoots me a mischievous wink from across the bistro table. “Jason will be there.”
Ugh. Jason.
“That’s not a good idea. I know you’re just trying to help, but…” I squeeze my coffee cup a little too hard and cappuccino starts leaking out the top. “I’m kind of emotionally involved with someone else right now.”
Crap. I finally said it. I finally admitted my awful, salacious truth.
Lily doesn’t know about Dean. She’s about to flip out and do that thing with her mouth.
“What? Who?” she wonders, craning her neck back with disbelief.
I cough into my hand. “Dean.”
“Irene?” She blinks. “The science teacher with the sideburns?”
I cough again. “Dean.”
“Stop coughing!”
“Dean,” I finally say, loud and clear, then slink back into my seat with reddening cheeks.
Lily does that thing with her mouth, gaping at me with her eyes bugged out. “Please tell me this is a Supernatural reference. I know those Winchesters seem so real sometimes when we’re all alone at night with our vibr—”
“Dean. Dean Asher. Dean, my sister’s ex. My almost brother-in-law, my long-time nemesis, the source of nearly every single migraine I’ve ever had over the last fifteen years, the reason I have a complex about spaghetti… and the only reason I’m still alive right now rambling off my sinful secret to you.” I say it all in one breath, placing both palms against my flushed face. I inhale deep, both shame and longing battling it out inside me.
The shame is for dodging his calls ever since I was released from the hospital, even though he’s the only person in the world I long to hear from. I’ve sent him a few texts to let him know I’m doing okay so he doesn’t worry, but I keep them brief and unemotional. And I completely ignored his text from last night asking if we could grab lunch this weekend and talk.
Lily is rendered speechless, which is uncommon. She stares at me with copper eyes, processing the absurdity I just spewed at her. “Wow.”
“Yeah. Wow.”
“That’s…” She blows out a breath.
“I’m broken.” I slouch further into the chair, hoping it’ll swallow me up. “I’m broken, right?”
“Maybe a little.”
Oof. I pick at the fuzzy snags on my sweater, then pull the sleeves down over my hands. “I don’t even know how it happened,” I whisper softly.
Lily takes a sip of her chai tea and sets the cup down on the table. “I got some vibes at Mandy’s New Year’s party, but I figured it was just tension bubbling over from everything you guys went through. I never thought…” She fills her cheeks with air and lets it out, then averts her eyes with consideration. “I mean, I guess I can see it. He’s hot as sin and he’s always been weirdly protective of you.”
I frown. “No, he hasn’t. He’s always been an ass.”
“Yeah, but in a cute way.”
“No.”
“Come on, Cora. You guys have always had chemistry. You just acted on it by torturing each other.” Lily shrugs, tapping her nails against the side of her paper cup. “And obviously, circumstances wouldn’t allow for much else.”