Mandy flusters a bit and shrugs her shoulders, her eyes flickering back to me. “I’m guessing Dean told you?”
Just the mention of his name makes me flush. “It’s all over Facebook. You changed your relationship status to ‘single’ and have been posting sad, depressing quotes every few hours.”
“Helps me cope. So, you’re saying he didn’t mention anything about it?”
Something in my chest pitches and my cheeks flare with heat. “I didn’t say that.”
“I figured as much,” Mandy says flatly, turning back to the kitchen to sort through the food. “He said you had a connection. A bond. He said you were both forced to do fucked up shit.”
Oh, God.
Bile rises up my esophagus, and I choke it back down. “I-It’s complicated.”
“He said that, too.” Mandy spins around, holding out something wrapped in tinfoil. “Two steak tacos, no cilantro.”
I swallow, taking a few more hesitant steps toward my sister, and reach for the tacos. “Thank you.”
Her smile is strained. Forced. Mandy unwraps one of her tacos and takes a bite, nodding her head at Jude and Penny curled up in the corner. “What made you get two dogs?” she asks, swiping a dollop of sour cream from her lip. “Protection?”
I set my food down on the kitchen island, feeling too queasy to eat. “Companionship, I guess. I planned on getting a dog before… well, before everything happened.” I scratch the back of my head. “They’re the dogs that were confiscated from his property.”
Mandy pauses mid-chew. “That psycho’s property? You adopted your kidnapper’s dogs?”
“Sort of.”
“That’s fucked up, Cor.” She resumes her chewing and hops up onto my table, swinging her legs back and forth. “You seem to be having a hard time letting go of the things that connect you to that basement.”
Her eyes cut to me, knowing and pointed. She’s not just referring to the dogs. I slink back like the coward I am. “It’s not like that. They needed a home, and I needed a distraction from the pain.”
“There’s a million other dogs out there you could have taken.”
Pretty sure she’s still not talking about the dogs.
Shit.
“Mandy…”
She hops off the table. “Your food is getting cold.”
I watch my sister parade around the kitchen, pulling a wine glass from the cabinet and digging through my refrigerator. I feel hysterical tears stabbing just beneath the surface, ready to blow. I gather a slow, calming breath, trying so hard to rein in my fear and nerves and guilt as Mandy saunters back over with a full glass of wine. She leans forward against the kitchen island, elbows to countertop, facing me as I stand behind the opposite side.
I wring my hands together as she stares at me over the rim of her glass. There is only a small kitchen island between us, but it feels like a continent. “I appreciate you stopping by with dinner. That was nice of you.” God, I’m pathetic.
Mandy arches an eyebrow, sipping on her wine. “You haven’t touched your food.”
“I’m not that hungry. I’ll bring it to work tomorrow for lunch.” I smile as sweetly as I can, but I’m pretty sure I look like I’m about to start ugly crying.
Mandy taps a perfectly painted fingernail against the glass, her gaze shifting between me and her beverage, as if she’s trying to string together her next sentence. Her eyes are hazel and hollow as they linger on mine, her head tilting slightly to one side. “So, what fucked up shit were you forced to do?”
She asks the question so casually—so nonchalant.
But it thunders through me like a typhoon, wreaking havoc on all of my fragile insides. My skin tingles, my hands clam up, my legs start to wobble in place. I latch onto the edge of the countertop to keep myself steady as I hold my breath. I hold it for a long time, afraid that my oxygen alone will spill out all of my secrets. I hold it until I feel dizzy and sick and lightheaded, and then I let it out like a harrowing confession. “I-I don’t want to talk about it, okay? It’s personal and traumatic, and I’m trying to forget those three weeks ever even happened…” I bite down on my lip to stop the words from flowing.
Mandy’s eyes narrow as she chugs down the rest of her wine. Then she slams the glass down on the counter, making me wince. “Something happened down there, Cora. I need to know.”
“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”
“Tell me.”
“I can’t!” The tears start spilling, my voice catching and breaking. “I can’t.”
Mandy is about to bite back when my cell phone vibrates between us on the island, resting only a foot away. We both look at it.
Dean’s name lights up the screen with a text message.
I glance at Mandy. She glances at me.
Then we both lunge for the phone at the same time, with Mandy coming out victorious. I practically scream in defiance. “No!” I race around the island to where Mandy is reading the message with her back turned to me. I wait for her to face me, my shoulders heaving, beyond horrified and nauseated by what she may be discovering right now.
Mandy lets out a gasp that sounds an awful lot like betrayal. She whips around, her eyes watering, gleaming with rage. “You bitch.”
I rip the phone away from her, my hands shaking as I skim over the message in a panic.
Don’t want to fight. Scared. I get it. Last night was everything. Slower. Start over. In this together.
Last night was everything.
“What happened last night, Cora?” Mandy demands, her tears erupting like rainfall. “Did you sleep with him?” Her voice changes in pitch, sounding more desperate and shrill with each word. “Did you fuck my fiancé?”
“I…”
“Tell me!”
I shake my head, a cry breaking through my lips.
“I want to hear it from your lying, filthy mouth.”
I’ve never seen Mandy so upset. I’ve never seen her radiating blind hate like this. I feel like I’m going to throw up or keel over and die from abject humiliation and all-consuming guilt. “We… we were forced to have sex in that basement.”
Mandy pales, her eyebrows creasing. “What?”
My chest expands, up and down, hard and fast. “Earl put a gun to Dean’s head and made him do it. We didn’t have a choice. We…” I dig my fingers into my scalp and tug my hair back. “It was awful and sick and beyond depraved, but…”
“But… ?” Mandy sounds horrified. Appalled.
As she should.
“But something happened, okay? Something changed between us, and I can’t explain it. I thought the feelings would go away when we returned to our normal lives, but the connection is still there. We can’t shake it. I never wanted this to happen, Mandy…” I continue to crack and break and splinter, my entire body shutting down. “I never wanted any of this!”
Mandy’s eyes assess me with a quiet rage. Her chest is beat red, the heat climbing up her neck and staining her cheeks and ears. “Did you have sex last night?”
I pull my lips between my teeth to keep them from quivering. Then I lower my chin, unable to look her in the eyes as I whisper, “Yes.”