“Savannah, if you don’t trust me, we don’t have anything.” Gabriel’s face was anguished. “I thought you knew me better than that.”
Savannah shrugged. “I thought I did, too.” Sadly, she said, “Let me save us the trouble.”
“Save us what trouble?” Gabriel asked.
“It’s over, Gabriel. If seeing your ex makes you want to move out of my house when I thought we were building something great together, well, I don’t want to be with you.” Tears now ran down Savannah’s face in a steady stream.
“What?” Gabriel’s voice cracked now. “No, kitten, don’t do this.”
“Oh? I’m kitten again, now?” Savannah spat the words with so much sass they were almost unrecognizable as her own. “I haven’t been kitten since you came inside, but now I am again.”
Gabriel shook his head. “It’s not even like that. You’re taking this out of proportion. Like, I need you right now. Don’t turn your back on me because you’re feeling a little insecure. It’s normal, Sav. People feel that way. I told you the truth. I told you what I needed. I didn’t mean like, an official break. I meant I need a break, as in time to myself. Not time to be single. Don’t you see that?”
Savannah shook her head. “Gabe, I can’t do it. I spent my whole life doubting that anybody loved me. Right when I finally feel like I’m really loved, that security was taken away and I’m back to doubting it.”
“Don’t doubt me, then.”
Savannah shook her head. “I’m really sorry, Gabriel.”
“But I love you, kitten.” Gabriel’s face held outright disbelief as he struggled to understand what was happening.
Savannah stood quietly, eyes downcast and lips turned downwards. “I love you, too, Gabriel,” she whispered. Then she turned and walked quickly out of the living room, heading towards Jay’s room. When she got there, she opened the door without knocking.
Savannah was thankful Jay was in his bed. She closed the door and flung herself into the bed next to him and started crying.
A confused and half-asleep Jay held onto his sister as he had during their childhood, and quietly stroked her hair. Jay knew there was no sense in asking Savannah what was wrong. She would tell him when she finished crying. Or, if she cried herself to sleep, Savannah would tell him tomorrow.
Chapter 15
“Idon’t know, mijo. I think you made the wrong decision.” Gabriel’s mother sat at the kitchen table. Gabriel had gotten off work, and the events of the day before still reeled in his mind.
Gabriel sighed. “She took it the wrong way, Mama. This isn’t what I wanted.”
“Well, it’s what you got, isn’t it? So, no use in worrying about what you wanted. You need to worry about what you can do with what you have.” His mother nodded. “So, what will you do?”
Gabriel shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t want to go back with Marissa, but it's obvious I still have some kind of feelings for her. I feel wrong being with Savannah if I can’t give her everything. But she doesn’t get that I wanted to get away to save our relationship, not ruin it.” Tears threatened to spill from Gabriel’s eyes but he held them back. He didn’t cry, and he wasn’t going to start now.
Mrs. Cano shook her head, making a soft clucking noise. “Listen, mijo, you want my advice?” Gabriel nodded. “Those feelings you have for Marissa, they aren’t real. Those feelings are because she’s Rio’s mother... because you two have history. They will never go away, but they aren’t what you think they are. They are only the memory of a love you had.”
Gabriel nodded. “That makes sense. It’s what I thought, too, but I wasn’t sure.”
His mother nodded. “Savannah, she makes you happy. She’s good to Rio, and we all know she has been in love with you since she was in diapers.” Mrs. Cano smiled, laughing softly. “To me, she is the better choice. I like her better.”
Gabriel chuckled. The woman his mother liked best was probably a better choice. For as loving and kind as his mother could be, she was a force to be reckoned with when she was angry. Gabriel had been hit with one too many chancla to believe otherwise.
* * * * *
Savannah felt sick to her stomach. Her eyes felt dry. That was the way she’d always felt after crying herself to sleep. Savannah sat with her cup of coffee at the small table and wondered what she’d been thinking. Why did she have to do that? Gabriel had been right. It was only a little insecurity because of Marissa. She was Rio’s mother, after all, and Savannah knew Gabriel and Marissa went way back.
Gabriel had first met Marissa in eighth grade and they’d started dating freshman year. They’d broken up for a few months during eleventh grade because Marissa said she wanted to see other people. They’d both seen plenty of other people, and then they’d gotten back together before the end of the school year.
That had started an on-again, off-again relationship Savannah hadn’t managed to keep track of. One thing Savannah knew was that Marissa had never liked her. Even when Savannah was only a kid, Marissa had teased her without mercy. She hadn’t wanted Savannah to call Gabriel, either. Not before Savannah left for college, and not during.
Savannah sighed. The on-again, off-again thing was what drove her to the stupid decision to break up with Gabriel. He always went back to her, no matter there had been times he shouldn’t have. Savannah knew Gabriel had been cheated on at least once. She vaguely remembered hearing about one time where Marissa had tried to hit him with her car. Still, he always went back. No matter what.
Savannah sighed and stared into her coffee. Still half full, the normally energizing liquid didn’t have the same effect today. She was so lost in thought she didn’t hear her brother enter the kitchen, nor did she notice him getting his cup of coffee. When Jay sat at the table across from Savannah, she jumped.
Jay looked at her with black-rimmed eyes streaked with red. He hadn’t slept much, either, and Savannah knew it was her fault. She felt bad, but Savannah knew she’d needed Jay and he’d never minded being there for her. It was the kind of thing older brothers did.
Jay looked like he wanted Savannah to say something, but when she didn’t, he prompted her. “So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Jay sighed. “It's obvious Gabe’s got something to do with it, because he’s not here and neither is any of his stuff.”
Savannah shrugged and sniffled, trying to keep her tears in check. Her head was already pounding from the force of last night’s crying, and she didn’t want to make it worse. “I broke up with Gabriel.”
“What? Why?” That wasn't the answer Jay was expecting.
“Marissa showed up.”
Jay grimaced. He’d never particularly liked Marissa. The only real arguments he’d had with Gabriel had been either over Marissa or because of her. “After all this time? Why?” His face dropped. “He didn’t go back to her, did he?”
Savannah shrugged. “I don’t know. She showed up and they went outside to talk. Then, he came inside and said he had to think about some things. He said he was going to stay with his parents while he did, and he needed a break.” Jay nodded but said nothing so Savannah continued. “I broke up with him because I thought he meant he wanted like, a real break. But he begged me not to, said he only needed time to think, not a break-up break.” Savannah sniffled and a few tears ran down her face despite her best efforts to keep them locked away. “Oh, Jay, I’ve made a terrible mistake!”