“It’s not selfish to grab onto happiness when it’s right in front of you.” Nathan lifts his hand like he wants to touch my cheek or hair before thinking better of it and letting the hand drop to his side. “I can be patient, Meredith. I can give you all the time you feel you need to straighten everything out in your heart and head. If you want casual, I can do casual. For me, it’ll be a relief to be more out in the open like that. I won’t have to hide or feel guilty that I feel this way in the first place because you’re someone else’s girlfriend. I know Jay doesn’t believe in the metaphysical or past lives, but he’s a part of this just as much as we are. We can figure it out together this time. All three of us.” Nathan grins. “And will you please promise to get that damn cup of coffee with me already? I’ve been asking forever.”
I laugh. “Fine. But only one cup.”
“I’ll take what I can get.”
We somehow laugh until we fall back together on the bed. Nathan kisses me, and I melt into him, feeling as if I’ve been denying myself something my soul has been craving for far too long. I know we’ve kissed before, but that felt secret and hidden and guilt-ridden. Now I’ve taken a step back from my relationship status with Jay, I don’t have that burden of guilt when I’m with Nathan. I feel free. I could definitely get used to this.
I bury my face in his chest. He smells like laundry detergent and dry erase markers. I smile to myself, embarrassed that ice princess Meredith definitely seems to have taken a permanent vacation with both Jay and Nathan. Did breaking out of my box by making choices for me and me alone really create such changes in a short amount of time? I should have done this years ago.
But you didn’t know Nathan years ago, a voice in my head whispers. That’s true. Maybe now is the right time. Maybe I wasn’t ready before, and now I am. There’s no time like the present—that’s a lesson I learned from the past. Seize the day and all that.
“What are you thinking about?” Nathan whispers.
“You mean when I can string a coherent thought together?” I prop myself up on my elbows. “I was thinking about all the things I’ve learned about myself in a short amount of time. All the soul-patterns we’ve recognized and corrected. I didn’t know I was going around in a circle until the truth was laid out in front of me. I know I’ve made more mistakes than I care to admit, Nathan, but I promise not to make the same mistake twice.” I swipe my finger across my heart in an X gesture. “Cross my heart.”
Nathan presses a kiss onto the center of my forehead when I lean into him again. “We all learn from our mistakes. It just took us one hundred and twenty years to learn from ours.”
I sigh and cuddle closer to Nathan. The Night That Changed Everything—that changed my life four years ago—also brought me so much more. I can see that now. I used to think being a medium made me a freak. Now, I see it gives me the ability to help people. Those people may not be alive, but they need help all the same.
There is also that nagging thought that I haven’t brought up with Nathan since the day at the hospital—who or what pushed him over the railing? Who wanted to be sure we met and changed the future? Am I brave enough to find out?
But I can’t be afraid anymore—not of whoever stalked us to make sure we met, or of the graveyard. This gift that I used to think of as a curse can bring them peace and closure. Why should I hide from that? The ghosts around this town need me. I can’t turn away from my new responsibility.