Trying to keep my hips still, I leaned my hands on the back of the lounge and closed my eyes. He hummed around my cock, and the vibrations ran right through me. The suction increased, and he pulled me further into his throat.
My breath caught, and I had to concentrate so I didn’t push forward and make him gag. He pulled back and released my cock with a loud pop. Shifting down a little more, he leaned his head back on the lounge and pulled at my hips as he looked up into my eyes. “Fuck my mouth, baby.”
Oh dear God, the man is going to kill me.
I shuffled my knees forward to get in a better position and tapped my cock on his outstretched tongue. His eyes begged me for more. I pushed in slowly, not wanting to hurt him. Impatiently, he grasped my hips and pulled me forward until my cock hit the back of his throat.
Jesus Christ.
All delusions of self-control lost, my hips began to thrust with no conscious thought from me, the wet heat encompassing my cock dragging me further in. As I held myself in as far as I could, Nick swallowed around me, the look of complete debauchery almost enough to tip me over the edge. I reluctantly pulled back. It killed me to stop, but I didn’t want to finish yet. I sat back on his thighs and leaned forward towards his lips. He met me in a messy desperate kiss.
“Nick?”
“Baby?”
“I don’t want to finish like this. I…. I want you to fuck me.”
Nick blinked but didn’t respond. He blinked again.
“Please.” I didn’t think I would have to beg, but I was willing to. Now that I had started to think about it, it’s all I could think about. I needed to feel it. I needed to feel it with Nick.
“Are you sure? I would hate it if I thought you were doing this because you thought I wanted it. I don’t want your first time bottoming to be something you didn’t really want. That would kill me. It would kill us.”
And just like that, a wave of cold water crashed over me. My throat constricted, and I felt cold, naked. Nick must have noticed something because his hands ran up my back. “Baby? You okay? I’m not saying I don’t want to—I just...”
I stood quickly from his lap and fumbled with my pants to do them up.
“Ky? Baby? What did I say wrong?” he pleaded.
I shook my head. “Nothing, nothing… I… damn it, where’s my shirt?”
Nick stood and went to reach for me, but he thought better of it and pulled his hand back. I could see the hurt in his eyes and froze. “No, Nick, no, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one that did something wrong. I did. And I hate—I hate that I ruined this.”
I didn’t think he believed me, and I felt a little out of control. Before I knew it, I threw my arms around him and buried my face in his neck. After a moment’s hesitation, he wrapped his arms around me. The rhythm of his hands running up and down my back soothed me. He didn’t say anything else, probably scared.
Eventually, I pulled back. “Could you get dressed? I… I need to tell you something about me. And I don’t think I can do it while you’re naked.”
A quick nod. He picked my shirt up first and handed it to me before pulling his own clothes on. Once he was dressed, he looked at me. Waiting.
I looked around the room, then sighed and gestured to the couch.
He sat silently, giving me time to organize my thoughts. I had never meant to make him think I hadn’t ever bottomed before. But now that he thought it, I couldn’t take that step with him while he believed the lie. My chest hurt. I knew Nick and I started as simply sex, but there was more between us now. I didn’t want to lose him. But I honestly couldn’t see this conversation ending any other way. My eyes burned, and I blinked back the tears I stubbornly refused to let fall. I heard Nick swallow, but he still hadn’t said a word.
I took two more slow breaths and then looked at him. “I need to tell you something, and I need you to let me say it all without you interrupting.” I paused, more to take another breath than really expecting an answer, but he nodded anyway. “I didn’t mean to give you the impression that I had never bottomed before…”
“But...” He caught himself, cutting off whatever he was going to say.
“No. I said I had never met anyone I wanted to bottom for, not that I had never done it. I did some stuff when I was younger I’m not proud of. At the time, I didn’t think I had a choice. Maybe I did, and I chose wrong, I don’t know. I need to tell you, but I don’t know how…”
One more deep breath. I had never told anyone this. I swore I never would. Ant was the only one that knew, only because he was there. “You know Mum met Tim when I was sixteen. Before we moved in with him, we struggled. A lot. Mum had some health issues after I was born which made it really hard to keep a job. Anyway, even once she was doing better, money was tight. She worked as a cleaner. I know I already told you. I’m going to repeat some stuff… but anyway… We struggled to pay for rent and food. Mum had no one to help her. There were days she didn’t eat so I could. I got a part-time job, but it wasn’t enough.”
I played with my thumbnail. “Where we lived wasn’t great, but it was close to the city, which meant Mum could get to jobs on the bus. When I was fifteen, the rent went up twenty dollars a week. I spoke to the manager, who let me do odd jobs to pay for the extra rent. Then it went up another twenty. He offered another way to pay the rent. And I… there was no way Mum could work more than she was. It was killing her. And I hadn’t told her the first time the rent had gone up, so I couldn’t tell her this time. So… I did it. I nearly threw up the first few times. I mean, it wasn’t the first time I had given a blowjob. But still. Don, the, uhh, the manager, suddenly started fixing the stuff around the place that needed fixing, and Mum was so happy. The communal clothesline got fixed. And the leaking toilet.
“So then one week Don tells me I owe a mate of his instead of him. And then it happens again. When the washing machine in the laundry broke, and Don said he didn’t have the time or money to fix it, Mum stayed up handwashing all our clothes. Some days her hands were bleeding from cleaning all day and then washing our clothes at night. I helped as much as I could. Anyway, it’s a long stupid story, but after he passed the debt on to friends a few times, it didn’t take long before I was working for him. Until then, I didn’t know he had a side business as a pimp. At first it was only handjobs and blowjobs. But then the money to let them fuck me was there. And it seemed so easy. It, uh… wasn’t.”
I got up, filled a glass with water, and raised it to my mouth with a shaky hand. I was almost surprised Nick was still sitting there when I walked back. “That’s how I met Ant. He was living on the streets, and he worked for Don. It was safer than working the corner. Anyway, he looked after me and told me which jobs to refuse no matter how good the money was. I hate to think how he knew. Mum thought I was still working at Coles. I… I did that for about eight or nine months until Mum started talking about moving in with Tim. I was terrified he was going to find out. Mum had only gone on a couple of dates I remember before Tim, but guys didn’t really like the idea of a teenage kid. Tim was different. But still, no one wants to be with someone whose kid’s a whore.”
“Don’t. Don’t call yourself that. Ever.” Nick’s voice was harsh, and I closed my eyes. I couldn’t look at him.