“I only bottomed a few times when we were really desperate for money. But that doesn’t change the fact that I did it. I’m not… I mean, I know you thought… I… I’m sorry… I wish…”
I didn’t know what else to say. And honestly, I couldn’t have kept talking even if I did. My stubbornness wasn’t a match for the tears that time. “I’m so sorry,” I croaked.
“Can I talk now?” Nick’s voice was cold.
I knew what was coming. There wasn’t really much else he could say. I nodded weakly, exhausted. Resigned.
His voice was still harsh as he continued. “Whether you ever want to tell me more about what happened is up to you. But don’t you ever, I mean ever apologise to me or anyone else for being forced to do what you had to, to help you and your mum survive. There is nothing inherently wrong with sex work. What is wrong is that you didn’t feel like you had a choice. You were a kid. I hate what you had to do, but that is very, very different to me hating you for doing it. Do you understand?”
Honestly, I didn’t understand, so I shook my head.
“Come here please,” and he opened his arms. I hesitated and then leaned towards him slightly. His arms engulfed me, and he held me in a tight warm cocoon until the tears stopped. My breathing shuddered in my chest as my tears subsided. Nick’s warm arms were still wrapped around me, and one hand rubbed slow soothing circles on my back. It took me a moment to realise we were laying on the lounge; I didn’t remember him stretching us out.
I sniffed, an incredibly unattractive sound. “Sorry, I need to grab a tissue or go wash my face or something. Nick, I’m...”
He cut me off. “Don’t you dare.” He nudged me to sit up and then grabbed a couple of tissues from the end table.
I still felt awful, so I headed to the bathroom to wash my face and stared at it in the mirror for a long moment. My eyes were puffy and red, my face blotchy. I looked and felt like crap. But I had told someone and survived. And for some bizarre reason, he was still here. He hadn’t run. Yet. Maybe he was just in shock, and he would make a polite excuse to leave. But strangely, I didn’t think so.
I leaned on the counter and gazed at my reflection, trying to work up the courage to face him again. When I turned, I cursed and jumped: Nick was standing in the hall leaning against the wall watching me. I looked at the ground, not wanting to meet his eyes.
He held a hand out to me. “Come on, baby.” He led me to my room. He must have felt my hesitation because he held both of my hands in his. “I’m going to undress you, okay? Just so we are more comfortable. Jeans do not make the best pyjamas.”
I nodded, and he slowly took his own shirt and jeans off, leaving himself in his briefs. The way he had to wrestle to remove his jeans almost brought a smile to my face. He then gently lifted my shirt over my head and undid my pants, pushing them down until they fell to my ankles. I was about to kick them off when Nick knelt and lifted one foot at a time to get them off.
Now that I was naked, Nick pushed his briefs down and kicked them to the side. He gestured for me to lay down, and he laid beside me, manoeuvring us until I was laying on his chest with his arms around me. We didn’t speak. Nick only continued to rub circles on my back, soothing me to sleep.
When I woke, it was later in the afternoon, based on the angle of the light coming through the window. My eyes felt puffy and my throat sore.
Nick was still holding me, but his hands were still. I assumed he had fallen asleep until he whispered, “How are you doing?” I shrugged. He kissed the top of my head. “Thank you for telling me. I know it wasn’t easy for you, but I’m glad I know.”
“I’ve never told anyone before. You’re the only person other than Ant.”
“Did you know you talk in your sleep?”
I froze. Mum said I did when I was little, but I didn’t know it was still true. I cringed. “What did I say?”
“Nothing bad,” he chuckled. “Actually, it was more like murmurs this time. Sometimes I catch a few words and I try to work out what you are dreaming about. It’s adorable.”
“I’m not adorable,” I complained.
“Yes, you really are. But Ky, you are also beautiful. You must know how hot you are based on the attention you get when you go out. You don’t always acknowledge it, but you must notice. You are kind and generous and protective and sweet. You are giving, and you are incredibly smart. I think you are probably way smarter than you give yourself credit for. And Ky? Being forced to make horrible choices as a fifteen-year-old kid doesn’t take away from any of the other million things that make you, well, you. You shouldn’t have had to do that. But more importantly, you really need to stop thinking you are a bad person because of it. Okay?”
My stomach tingled, and a weird heat spread through my chest. I kissed him. “Thank you.”
He smiled, reaching his left hand up to scratch my head through my short hair. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. When his hand drifted down to my neck, I turned my face and kissed his chest where my head had been. And I continued kissing his chest. Only light kisses, up his chest to his neck, where I sucked, but not hard enough to leave a mark and embarrass him at work on Monday. I kissed along his jaw as he tilted his head up to give me better access, and then finally I kissed his sweet soft lips. He kissed me back, but without heat, not pushing for more.
I was still drained from the stress of our earlier conversation, but I needed more of him. I needed to feel closer. Continuing to kiss him, I leaned over and slowly lifted up so I was lying on top of him. I rested on my elbows to keep some of my weight off him, and my legs straddled his. When I needed more air, I broke the kiss and mouthed my way to his ear, where I nibbled and sucked on the lobe. I traced my teeth down his neck, and when I bit harder, his hips thrusted up into mine.
“Fuck, sorry, ignore my body. I think there is some kind of peculiar nerve pathway that leads right from that spot on my neck to my groin. It’s involuntary.”
“Really?” I looked into his eyes “That’s interesting. I should investigate further. You know. For science.” And I bit on the same sport and sucked. His hips did in fact give a twitch, and the response of my cock was not so little anymore.
I adjusted my position slightly so our cocks lined up together, and I kept kissing and nibbling on his neck, rotating my hips enough to glide my cock along his. Taking my time, I worked my way back up to his lips, where our leisurely kisses became hotter and deeper. My cock was almost completely hard now, and he wasn’t faring much better. I tweaked one of his nipples, and he hissed in surprise, breaking the kiss.
Leaning my forehead on his, my hips begin to move faster, our combined precum enough to smooth the friction of our cocks moving together. Nick’s hands moved down to my hips, not controlling, only digging his fingers in as my arse flexed with each thrust. I kissed him one more time, hard, and whispered, “Nick, please. Please tell me you’re still willing to fuck me.”
“Fuck, Ky, I hope you are sure because I want you so much, baby.”
He looked at me, obviously trying to decide if I was being sincere, and I offered him a small smile. “I want to feel you inside me. Please.”
Moaning, he closed his eyes and thrust his hips up against me. I reached over to the bedside table where the lube sat out. Nick was the only other person that came in my room, so hiding it seemed pointless. The condoms, however, were in the bedside table where I put them this morning. I ripped the plastic off and opened the pack, grabbing one out. I straddled Nick again, and before I could open the condom, he grabbed it, ripped it open, and rolled it on.