“A month is a long time…”
“I know. I don’t want to go back either.”
She turned to look at me. “Then why do you?”
Even if I could, I’d never leave her there by herself. “Because I have to.” I stepped away from the doorway because this conversation couldn’t continue. “It’s time to leave. Come on.” I walked to the elevator and hit the button so the doors opened.
She joined me, her head slightly down, still depressed after I’d shown her my mutilation. Her eyes were puffy even though hours had passed, like she shed tears when she was in private because it continued to haunt her.
We got into the elevator and then the car and began the long journey back to the camp.
She was quiet for much of the drive, like she didn’t feel like talking as much as I didn’t feel like it. But hours later, she said, “What do you think will happen with the guards…since you took me away?”
“They’ll be mad. But they’re always mad at me.”
“Will they try to hurt you?”
With one hand on the wheel, I kept my eyes on the road. “Probably. But I don’t care.”
She turned her head to look at me. “How do you not care?”
“Because they can’t kill me.”
“Because Fender is your brother?”
“No. Because every time they’ve tried, they failed.”
“Every time they’ve tried—”
“Don’t worry about me.” I didn’t want to continue this. “I’m more worried about you.”
She looked out the window again.
“I’m going to give you one of my blades. If Alix or anyone else tries anything, kill them.”
She turned back to me. “But then they’ll know you gave it to me—”
“They should have assumed I would give you something in the first place. That’s their fault.” Alix was furious the day I left, and I wasn’t sure when his next rotation was, so he’d probably be there when I got back. He might not try to kill me because that was clearly pointless to attempt, but he might hurt me more by going after her. I was afraid the rest of them would corner me and Alix would go after her alone…and finish what he started.
I’d rather die than let that happen.
“If I kill one of the guards, they’ll kill me.”
“No, they won’t.” Fender would be pissed off at me, but he was already pissed off at me, so I didn’t care anymore. “Do what you’ve always done—everything you can to survive.”
She slept through the rest of the drive and then woke up to ride horseback with me. We rode through the night with her arms around my waist, holding the bright flashlight so the horse could see where he was going.
We made it to the cabin at sunrise, and after locking up the horse in the stables, I escorted Raven to her post to continue her job like she’d never been gone. The guards were there, their faces hidden, but their gazes unmistakable.
I didn’t give her any special treatment in public, so I turned away and walked off.
I went into the main cabin, collected all the data I’d missed, and got back to work.
None of the guards spoke to me.
It was like I never left.
When I went to my cabin, it was exactly as I left it. But I added another bolt to the inside to make sure no one could get through if she was in there alone and I was elsewhere. My time was split between catching up on everything I’d missed and fortifying the place to keep her safe. My obligation to her was even more intense than it had been before, and I quickly felt gripped by an identity crisis.
Because I really didn’t know who I was anymore.
At the end of the workday, I escorted her back to the cabin and gave her dinner.
She must have been hungry because she sat on the floor in her work clothes and immediately started to eat.
“I’m going to be out for a while.”
She turned to me and finished chewing her food. “Where are you going?”
“I’ve got a lot to catch up on.”
“Okay. I’m really tired, so I think I’m just going to go to sleep.” She turned back to her food. She hadn’t been the same since I’d told her what happened to me. It’d been a day and a half, but since she hadn’t had a full night of rest, it felt like the same day.
I came closer to her and withdrew the sheathed blade from my pocket. I’d taken it from the weapons room, but they wouldn’t know it was missing. Even if they did, I’d deny it, and there would be no punishment. If they tattled to Fender, it would just annoy him because he had more important things to do with his time.
She stared at it for a moment before she took it.
“Keep it on you at all times when I’m not around. You remember how to hold it? Like I taught you?”
She nodded and slipped it into her pocket.
“When we have time, I’ll teach you how to fight.”
“I’d never win against someone like you or Alix. You’re too big.”
My eyes narrowed on her face. “Don’t say that shit again.”
She stilled at my words.
“The bigger fighter doesn’t necessarily win. They’ll underestimate you, and if you hit them where it counts, it’ll give you enough time to run. I’ve never seen you give up, so don’t start now. It’s not the woman I know. It’s not the woman I…” I cleared my throat. “Just don’t act like that.”
“I’m sorry. I just… It’s been a hard day.” She bowed her head and looked down at her food as she moved it around with her fork.
I knew she was sad to be back here and she was disturbed by what I’d told her that morning, so I gave her a free pass. Wordlessly, I left the cabin and locked the door behind me before I went back to work.
The product wasn’t shipped out when I wasn’t there because I was the only person Fender trusted not to steal. We timed my departures with large deliveries, so nothing had to leave the camp until I returned. That meant I searched every cabin belonging to the guards, along with the common areas. I took the dogs while the guards were in the clearing, letting the dogs sniff out every place since they were better searchers than I was.
I never found anything.
The guys were either loyal or smart.
After I did my checks, I went into the communal cabin.
The guys were gathered around the table playing poker.
They didn’t acknowledge me.
I didn’t acknowledge them.
I went into the weapons room and did my checks even though a blade was missing—that I’d taken.
I headed to the front door when I was done.
“Got your own little whore now?” Alix looked at his cards as he addressed me.
I didn’t just walk off like I normally would. This time, I faced him, ready to gauge his mental state.
He placed his cards on the table and won the hand. “You know, I had my eye on her first, if your memory serves you right. She should be mine, not yours.”
“I didn’t choose her—she chose me.”
He lifted his gaze and looked at me. “Because you bend over backward for her like a pussy.”
“Because I do things for her, just like the rest of you do things for the prisoners you sleep with.”