He pulled the chips he won toward himself. “Escape is not something we give to any prisoner.”
“She’s here, isn’t she?” It would make my life much easier if Fender would let me remove her from the camp but keep her as a prisoner. Every time I brought her back here, it would ignite their fury again. But I understood why Fender couldn’t cave…because he’d risk losing control of the entire camp.
“In your cabin, with a fucking guard dog.”
I was her guard dog, and I’d protect her with my life. “Let this go, Alix. The only reason you want her is because you can’t have her.”
“Exactly.” He grabbed the deck of cards and started to deal. “And there’s nothing I can’t have.”
When I returned to the cabin later that night, she was asleep.
She was against the wall like nothing had changed, her body straight and taking up the least amount of room as possible. From underneath her pillow, the hilt of the blade poked out because she slept in just her underwear since it was much warmer there than in Paris.
I stared at her for a second before I looked at the laptop.
It was untouched.
It was hard for me to trust her because I wasn’t a trusting person, but I knew she wouldn’t betray me again. I needed to learn to trust the one person who really had my back…and that was Raven.
She was the only friend I had in the camp right now.
And since things were bad with my brother, she felt like the only friend I had in the world.
I showered then returned to the bedroom.
She was awake, lying on her back with heavy eyes, like she’d been stirred from sleep by my entrance.
There was no way to truly be quiet in such small accommodations, so it was inevitable. I pulled on a fresh pair of boxers then sat at my desk, looking through my email to make sure Fender hadn’t sent anything over.
I felt her stare on my back. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s okay. How’d it go?”
I shut the laptop and didn’t confide any details. “Fine.” I left the chair and came to bed. It was a twin-size because the cabins were too small for full beds. Fender was the only one who had a bigger bed because he had the biggest cabin, even though he was almost never there.
I lay on my back and looked at the ceiling. I was tired because I hadn’t slept in thirty-six hours. Coming back to the camp was always difficult because we had to arrive in the evenings so no one would follow us.
She came close to me, her arm hooking over my stomach, her face on my shoulder.
I didn’t cuddle, but I didn’t ask her to move. I assumed she wanted to cuddle after sex because that was just how women were, but she cuddled now even though we were both too tired…and depressed.
She pressed a kiss to my shoulder then closed her eyes.
My hand moved over hers on my stomach…and I fell asleep.
Eighteen
Bullet to the Skull
A week had passed.
Three more to go.
I’d never counted down my time to freedom in the past, but now that I had something to look forward to, I wanted time to rush by in a matter of seconds as opposed to weeks. I didn’t want to have to look over my shoulder all the time.
“Why don’t you kill him?” Raven leaned against the wall on the bed with her head turned to the TV. She was snacking on nuts, not because she was hungry, but bored.
I sat at the desk with my back to her, working on my laptop. We still didn’t talk much, even though we were confined together in the small space, because there was nothing to say. We were both waiting for time to pass so we could go back to Paris…and have a somewhat normal life. “It’d piss off Fender.”
“You could just replace him with someone else.”
“Not really. It’s hard to get guards we trust. We can’t hire just anybody.”
She turned quiet, her teeth cracking the nuts in her mouth.
Alix and the guys hadn’t tried anything, but I didn’t drop my guard. I knew it was only a matter of time.
“What if you killed him outside the camp?”
My eyes froze on the words I was reading.
“When he rotates out, you could kill him, and no one would suspect you.”
I leaned back against the chair because it wasn’t the worst idea.
“Where does he live?”
“Nice.”
She continued to eat the nuts. “What do you think?”
It would fix my problems, except it would create new ones. “Fender would want to investigate who killed him, and if it had anything to do with the presence of this camp. It would worry him, and I’d have to lie to him and mislead him…”
“So?”
“I won’t lie to him.” I wouldn’t put him on a false trail and waste his time. I wouldn’t make him feel insecure about this camp when there was no need to.
It was quiet, but the energy in the room had changed.
She spoke again. “Why are you so loyal to him?”
“Because he’s my brother.”
“If my sister were a murderer, I wouldn’t be loyal to her.”
“I doubt that.”
“If she was hurting innocent people, damn right. Does he have something on you?”
This conversation was going in a direction I didn’t want to take. “What are you watching?”
She paused. “Did you seriously just try to change the subject?”
“Yes.” I raised my voice slightly. “Because I don’t want to talk about this.” I shut my laptop.
“Now—or ever?”
I stared at the wall, my thoughts turning dark. “Ever…preferably.”
We became domestic partners who developed a routine.
She showered after work, and I showered in the evenings.
Sometimes we ate dinner together, but most of the time, we didn’t.
In the evenings, she watched TV, and I worked on my laptop.
She didn’t ask me questions I didn’t want to answer.
She hadn’t initiated sex, and neither had I.
My attraction to her was undeniable, but being in this place curbed my arousal. I suspected her abrupt change in desire was a result of my mutilation. It made her sick to her stomach, and she couldn’t look at it again, not because of the scars or the appearance, but because it was directly her fault.
I didn’t take it personally.
I got out of the shower that night then walked naked into the bedroom to grab a pair of boxers from the drawer. Another week had passed, but we still had two more weeks to go. I didn’t hide my nakedness from her. She could look away if that was what she wanted. I turned to the bed when I was clothed.
She sat up against the wall, wearing one of my t-shirts that fit her loosely. The deep look in her eyes suggested she had something to stay.
I stood next to the bed, waiting for her to speak her mind.
“It’s not that I don’t want you. It’s not that I think less of you. I just…feel so terrible every time I think about it.” Tears welled up in her eyes instantly, and she sniffled then wiped them away before they could fall. “It’s like this wall that I can’t climb because I know when I see it, I’ll…think about what happened.” She took a deep breath then stilled her emotional response, getting herself under control.