She had an interview today. Since she wasn’t gonna get the job, it wouldn’t help with her ticking clock on staying in Austin, but knowing she had less than seven hours left before she had to be shaking someone’s hand for an interview unsettled her stomach anyway.
First things first. Get up. Help Vivi. Finn collected her sports bra, shirt and briefs, wished she didn’t have to pull dirty clothes back on, but got over it. She washed her face with one of Vivi’s fruity soaps and used the spare green toothbrush from her migraine visit. Finn hadn’t been able to keep from smiling when she’d seen it still sitting on Vivi’s sink. Finn owned a toothbrush, obviously, but she liked this one better.
Vivi stood at the stove, stirring a pot of something that smelled like oatmeal. She glanced up when Finn walked in.
“What can I do?” Finn asked.
Vivi just smiled. She smiled for so long, Finn wondered if she had toothpaste on her face, but she also couldn’t help but grin back. She was in Vivi’s apartment. Vivi wore nothing but a silky-looking robe that was only loosely closed in the front. Finn approved of this entire situation.
“Sorry I woke you,” Vivi said. “This is done, do you want some? My grandma always made it on the stove. Allie’s been threatening to do a blind taste test on me but I swear it’s different than when you make it in the microwave.”
Finn made a mental note to learn how to make oatmeal on the stove. First she had to get a stove. “Sounds good. Thanks. You should have gotten me up.”
Vivi shrugged and gestured at the cabinet door behind her. “Get the bowls? You need a regular sleep schedule for your migraines.”
Finn got the bowls, and it took her only two guesses to find spoons thanks to the kitchen being so small. She took a barstool and perched on it, wondering whether she should bring up her interview. No, she decided. Disappointing Vivi again so soon when it didn’t pan out might be more than Finn could handle, and she didn’t want Vivi feeling like she had to fix any of Finn’s problems.
Vivi spooned oatmeal into the two bowls. She pushed a small blue ceramic pot over to Finn. Brown sugar. “How is your head, by the way?”
Finn felt herself pull back a tiny bit while she took a few bites of the oatmeal. It wouldn’t be the first time someone had second thoughts about how much management her migraines needed. Dark rooms, noise-canceling headphones, avoiding certain foods, and oh, the endearing pharmaceutical copays. Finn generally did ninety-nine percent of the management herself, but she’d failed spectacularly the other day. Maybe now the giddy confession stage was over, Vivi was contemplating the future and didn’t care for what she saw.
“You’re okay with all this, right?” Finn asked, pointing to her head. She didn’t know if she wanted to hear the answer. This had been going so well for, like, ten whole hours.
Vivi cocked her head, spoon halfway to her mouth. “What? Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” Before Finn could answer, Vivi’s eyes narrowed. “Has someone else not been okay with it? Do I need to pay them a visit? Because I will educate the holy hell out of them until they’re begging for mercy.”
How could Finn not adore this woman? Which could be a problem if Vivi was backing off. “It was a long time ago. I’m over it, I promise.”
Vivi shook her head slowly in disgust. “That is ridiculous. It’s a health condition. You’re not doing it to make other people’s lives difficult. I only asked because this last one was so bad.”
“So long as you’re sure.” Finn needed to hear it one more time. “If we’re going to be—”
“Living together,” Vivi supplied.
Finn dropped her spoon and had to catch it as it skittered along the top of the island. “Sorry. Say again?” Surely she hadn’t heard right.
Vivi’s face fell. “Oh. I assumed… We’ve wasted so much time, and if you move in, you wouldn’t have to sleep on a couch.”
In this situation, there was only one thing to do. Finn got off the barstool, walked around the island, and tilted Vivi’s chin up gently. Then she bent down and kissed her. Brown sugar and warmth. Perfect.
Now for the harder part: saying no. This wasn’t her Austin solution. Finn couldn’t use Vivi or put that kind of pressure on their relationship. If Ilsa was going to kick her out, Finn would cross that bridge when it happened.
“The idea sounds amazing,” Finn said, trying to sound approving, not cold or commitment-shy. She stroked Vivi’s cheek as a reassurance. “And as a lesbian, I am no stranger to the U-Haul phenomenon, but Vee, I can’t pay rent or bills or even for my own food.”
Finn knew Vivi was gearing up to argue before she opened her mouth. It was in the shoulders. “I’m already paying the rent! And you barely eat anything! I ate lunch with you five days a week for two years and you never cleaned your plate!”
“That was prison food. There was a reason I warned you to keep bringing your lunch instead of having them bring one up for you, sweetheart.”
Finn hadn’t intended the endearment as a distraction, but it worked. Vivi ducked her head like she was trying to keep a little special joy to herself. Finn slipped her arms around Vivi and let Vivi snuggle into her.
“All I’m saying is,” Finn continued, “let me have some pride here. Plus, you’ve got a decision to make, not a lot of time left to make it, and one option might impact your space needs as well as your expenses.” She hoped she hadn’t come across as telling Vivi her business.
Vivi took in a long, slow breath, and pushed it back out as if it was a lot of work. She stepped back from Finn. “Yeah. Okay. We should probably eat.”
The air didn’t have the happy expectation tingle it had when Finn had walked in. She tried not to be obvious about watching whether Vivi was eating her food or just pushing it around.
Vivi eventually put her spoon down and rested on her elbows. “I have a lot of plans for the next few years. I did legislative advocacy with the Texas Nurses Association last session, and hell yes I want to be down at the Capitol again giving those people a reality check. I also want to get qualified to train other nurses in competent care for LGBTQIA-plus patients. I’m not sure I want to put any of that on hold or slow it down to raise a child. Not yet. Which sounds selfish, but I love my work.”
“Having an abortion isn’t selfish. Who are you afraid is going to judge you?”
Vivi smiled bitterly. “The dominant culture?”
Going out to kick a bunch of politically active conservative evangelical Christians in the shins at this early hour wasn’t practical, and wouldn’t fix anything anyway. Probably.
“I know it’s not everyone.” Vivi leaned more heavily on the counter. “Trust me, I’ve seen the opinion polling. But it feels like it, and now you’re here, but I don’t have time to get used to this before I have to decide, and I know I shouldn’t... Dammit. Are we still doing total honesty?”
Finn nodded.
“I don’t want to expect anything from you. About us. Even though part of me feels maybe like this is, I don’t know, a gift? Or a sign. You showing up now instead of a month from now. Fuck, I’m sorry, that’s way too much to put on you.” She looked away, biting her lip.