“I’ve thought about this so many times,” he confessed. He kissed me passionately before I could respond. The tip of his cock paused at my entrance, and in one smooth, gentle motion, he buried himself inside me.
My fingernails dug into his back as a cry escaped my throat.
“Are you okay?” He stilled, waiting for me to reply.
Before I knew it, my chin trembled, and tears slipped down my cheeks. “I need a minute.”
“Dammit. I hurt you.” His lips brushed against my damp face.
I shook my head. “No. I mean, it’s been a while, and you’re bigger than … I didn’t take this step lightly. It’s the first time I’ve willingly been with someone. Before I left Arkansas, it had always been forced on me or for survival, not because I wanted it.” I dried my face with the back of my hand.
He kissed the tip of my nose and made eye contact with me as his thumb stroked my lower lip. “I love you,” he whispered.
More fucking tears escaped. I’d never experienced such a deep connection to someone, and it was overwhelming me. His touch, his words, his gentleness left me speechless, yet wanting more: more of him, his mind, his soul, and his body. In return, I would willingly give him everything inside me. No more walls, no more hiding. Just him and me.
“I love you so much,” he whispered again. “I won’t hurt you. Just let me love you.”
I’d never felt so wanted and cherished. Layne had just given himself to me. For the first time, I held someone’s heart in my hand, and I swore I would protect it. There was no turning back. He’d unlocked all the emotions I’d kept tucked away. Layne Garrison held the key, and all I needed to do was say yes.
“Yes,” I whispered.
He moved tentatively inside me and I leaned up to kiss him. I ran my hands up and down his back, my fingers dancing over the rippling muscles in his ass.
“You feel so good,” I said, relaxing into him.
He picked up the pace as our bodies and hearts continued to connect. All the pain of the past and all the fear of the future simply slipped away while I surrendered to this man. I rocked my hips against him, and sweet sensations spiraled through me.
“Layne,” I moaned. “I … I …” I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him deeper inside me. “Oh God. I’ve never …” I panted. “Oh …” I clawed at his skin, my body igniting from the very core of my being. My pussy clenched tightly around him, and my head tilted back as I screamed his name.
“Jesus,” he cried, shuddering and tensing as we climaxed together.
Satisfied emotionally and physically, I went limp, and so did he. He planted kisses on my neck, chin, and mouth. We locked gazes, and I melted.
“I love you, Ten.”
“I’m falling for you too. But I’m scared out of my head. Please don’t break my heart.”
“I promise.” His entire face lit up with his gentle words.
“Besides, you’re the first man that’s ever made me come during sex.” I giggled as Layne grinned like a happy fool.
14
Layne tossed the condom in the trash can near my window, then crawled back into bed next to me. “Come here.” He wrapped his arm around me.
I nestled my head on his chest, loving the soft rise and fall of his breathing. It was calming and peaceful.
His fingers toyed with my hair, and for a painful moment, my butchered flagpole haircut flashed before my eyes. Pushing the memory out of my mind, I reminded myself that he’d seen me at my worst, yet there he was next to me.
“Have you ever considered trying to find your family?” he asked.
I propped up on an elbow and stared him down. “That’s a really intense thing to ask me right now.”
“I didn’t mean for it to be. I’ve been meaning to ask you, but I didn’t want to step on your toes. If you wanted to do Ancestry.com or something, I’d do it with you. I hear the results are posted online, and I’d love to be a part of you reuniting with your family. If that’s what you want, I mean.”
“Really? Why?”
His jaw tightened briefly. “Because I’d give anything to have Nicole back, and if you have a chance to find your mom, dad, cousins, aunts, and uncles, I’d encourage it. And if you wanted to find out who they were but not meet them, that’s all right too. I just know how important my family is … was. I wanted to offer to help was all.” He stroked my hand with the pad of his thumb while he spoke. Then his eyes clouded with regret. “Maybe it’s not the best idea I’ve ever had.”
“No, I get it. You’ve lost part of your family, but you still have a loving and supportive mom and dad. It wasn’t like that for me. Dad skipped out when I was three years old. I never heard shit from him. He made his choice.”
Layne twirled a strand of my hair around his finger. “What about your mom?”
“My mom sold me to her dealer for heroin.” The door of my heart slammed shut as the words left my lips. I’d never been able to forgive her for it.
Layne bolted upright in bed, a look of horror twisting his face. “Shit. I had a really bad idea, babe. I’m so sorry. Your mother doesn’t deserve to see what a beautiful and wonderful woman you’ve turned out to be. Holy fuck.” He ran his hands through his hair, his mouth opening and closing as if he were struggling for something positive to say, but the words were beyond his reach.
“You didn’t know.” I sat up next to him and pulled my knees to my chest, the dark-green sheet still covering me. “I was twelve,” I whispered, unwilling to look at him. “Mom was jonesing really bad when her dealer showed up at the house with a fix, but then she admitted she didn’t have any money. Before I knew it, he’d slapped his big, gruff hand over my mouth and jerked me out the front door. I never saw Mom again.” My words fell flat and lifeless, almost as though I hadn’t been the one to live the trauma. I wasn’t sure if it was normal to shut down in that way or not.
Layne’s breathing came in short bursts as he clenched his hands into fists.
“He tried to rape me, and I fought him with everything I had. He beat me to a bloody mess, then raped me. I was in and out of consciousness the entire time. When he was finished, he tossed me in a dumpster full of trash. I didn’t even know where I was, nor did I care, but it was the first night I prayed to God to let me die. He ignored me. I stopped praying after that.”
Layne pulled me into his lap, enveloped me in his arms, and rocked us slowly. I wasn’t sure if he was comforting himself or me. I’d lived with what had happened to me for years, but he’d just heard it for the first time.
“I swear to you, Tensley Bennett, I will never allow someone to hurt you again.” His voice was stern and protective.
I didn’t reply because, although I understood where his heart was, I knew shit happened that was completely out of a person’s control, and so did he. We were both living proof.
We held each other for a while, allowing the silence and the nightfall to comfort us. Maybe sharing the agony of the past would allow us to heal. Even if it didn’t, no one had cared enough to share the weight of the pain and memories so deeply and intimately.