“How are your classes, Izzy,” Colton asks and Izzy looks relieved with the distraction.
She grins at her best friend before addressing Colton. “They’re good. Much more detailed than undergrad.”
“Tell me about it,” Sophia muses.
Sophia, I discovered, planned to get her graduate degree. Izzy on the other hand had to shift things around after she found out she was pregnant, not wanting to start a new job only to need a leave of absence. She’s been working her butt off in the classes she’s taking this semester, knowing if she doesn’t get ahead, she’s going to struggle once the baby gets here.
We’ve talked a lot over the last couple of days since I told her my desire to be involved in the baby’s life. I wish I could make things easier for her, but she seems to be taking everything in stride and determined to give our child the best life she possibly can.
“The semester just started,” Izzy continues, “and I’ve already written two papers. I had no idea there was so much involved on the administrative side.”
Colton nods. “Sophia has been pretty busy too.”
With his words, Sophia turns her head and whispers something in his ear. It’s clear by the way his face lights up that whatever she told him was sexual in nature, and for the very first time in my life, I’m jealous of another man’s relationship. Lawson has Delilah and she’s amazing, but I never saw them together and thought that what they have was something I desired myself.
Not until Izzy.
But getting something romantic started between us isn’t smart. Our future doesn’t resemble that of any of the other couples around here. The Cerberus guys leave for work and return, usually within a couple of weeks. They aren’t facing any long-term separations. Wanting a relationship with Izzy is selfish, and not a bridge I’ll cross.
“It’s why the boys have been over here more than at home,” Sophia says, and I look up to realize I’ve once again gotten lost in my head and missed part of the conversation. “Because it’s hard to focus on school while they’re smelling up the place.”
“Amelia gets pretty active in the mornings,” Izzy says about her little sister. “I usually nap when she’s most active and get work done when she goes down for her nap. I’ll do the same thing when this little guy gets here.”
Her words feel like a crushing weight because I know I won’t be around to help her with that.
“You’re supposed to sleep when the baby sleeps,” Simone says as she makes her way across the room, her little boy asleep in her arms. “You’ll go insane if you don’t.”
I grin at the little boy in Simone’s arms as they continue their conversation about sleeping habits with newborns. Realization that I’m going to miss all of this hits me like a ten-ton truck. My court date is two weeks before Izzy’s due date. I’ll be in prison, fighting for my life, surrounded by some of the evilest people in the world by the time my son takes his first breath.
“You okay?” Izzy asks, her hand on my leg, concern marking her pretty face.
“Yeah,” I lie because dwelling on something I can’t change doesn’t make any sense. We both know what’s in store for us, and we’ve been avoiding that specific topic since our conversation by the pool. “Do you need anything? Another root beer?”
“A foot massage,” she counters with a smirk.
“I will,” I promise. “But that may bring more questions from everyone than answers.”
“They’re going to ask the questions anyway.”
She wiggles, making a move to lift her feet into my lap, but isn’t quite able. I bend, lifting her feet to my lap, but the front door opens before I can slip her shoes off.
A team of exhausted looking Cerberus men begin to pile into the room, each one weighed down with huge duffel bags.
Jinx and Rocker head straight for Simone and the baby, wide smiles on their tired faces.
Rivet doesn’t even make eye contact with anyone as she arrows toward the hallway leading to the rooms. Cannon got up and walked away fifteen minutes ago, so he must’ve known how close they were to being home. There’s no doubt in my mind what’s going to be happening in their room in less than five minutes.
I massage Izzy’s calf while we both watch Jinx take River from his mother’s arms. He peppers the baby’s face with kisses, the little boy waking up from hearing his name with giggles and a scrunched nose, no doubt his daddy’s beard tickling him.
I must not be smiling because Izzy’s hand covers mine before she claps it and drags it to her stomach.
She’s consoling me, letting me know without words that she understands what I’m feeling watching Jinx with his little boy.
“Well, isn’t this cozy?”
Izzy frowns when she looks up, and I’m not surprised to see Apollo standing near the edge of the sofa glaring down at my hand on her belly.
“Hi,” she says, making no effort to get away from my touch or get up to greet her friend. “Glad you’re back safe.”
I see his jaw flex, see the irritation in his eyes, and I get it. I honestly do. Izzy is an amazing woman. He knows it just like I do. He knows what he’s missing out on, and I feel guilt over that as well.
You’re not worthy of her yet. Right now that man is Apollo. Hound’s words come back to me, and they may have been true a week ago when he told me that in his truck, but they don’t hold the same weight they did then. Although I’m in a different head space, I know Apollo can give her everything I can’t.
The man glaring at my proximity to Izzy can be there when the baby is born. He can be around to help her when she needs a nap and the baby won’t settle. He can keep her stocked up with Reese’s and listen to her when she moans happily with each bite.
But I’m here now, and I promised myself I’d be around until I couldn’t be, although not in a romantic sense.
Am I keeping her from him? Am I causing problems between the two people who are destined to be together once I’m no longer in the picture? Maybe I should take a step back? Maybe not being around is what’s best for my son? Maybe being here is causing more harm than good?
But fuck my life if I don’t feel territorial right now, like I need to hunker down and growl until he walks away. I want to put her behind me and dare the man to keep looking at her, and warn him he’s in danger if he tries to touch her.
“Maybe I should go,” I say instead because this isn’t about me and my feelings. I want her to have the best. I need my son to have the best, and there’s no way to cut this situation where I’m the answer.
“Stay,” she whispers, her fingers holding my hand tighter to her stomach.
“Go take care of your gear, Apollo.” That demand comes from Sophia, and even as nosy as the girl is, she just gained a few brownie points in my eyes.
With an angry huff, his boots carry him away. I keep my eyes on Izzy, assessing her reaction to see if her friend walking away causes her distress. Besides the small frown tugging the corners of her mouth down, I don’t see anything else that would cause alarm.
“That man—”
“Enough, Sophia,” Colton erupts. “Stay out of it.”
“Please,” Izzy adds before turning her face up, a new beaming smile there. “Hey, Dad.”