“You going to sit out here all night or are you just waiting for Apollo to leave?”
I stand when Hound speaks, only partially because I learned early on in prison that difficult conversations don’t happen when someone is sitting. It puts me in a weakened position, and even though I highly doubt Hound is here to kick my head in, that doesn’t mean he’s exactly happy with my reappearance.
“Will it take all night for him to leave?” I hedge, trying to get more information. “Or would it be better to just come out in the morning and watch him walk away?”
I catch his eyes narrowing in the low porch light.
“Are you trying to say that my daughter would disrespect me enough by messing around with someone under my roof?”
“She’s grown. Would you even consider it disrespect?”
“Drew,” he warns. “Did you disrespect me?”
“I didn’t sleep with your daughter in your house, Hound.” I take a seat, falling back into the rocking chair on the porch.
He steps around the bushes, joining me in the second one. “You broke her heart.”
“I know.”
“Are you here to put it back together?”
“Are you here to warn me about trying?”
“Are you always going to answer a question with a question?”
I chuckle. “I doubt she wants anything to do with me.”
“You have a baby together.”
“Yeah, a kid who is calling another man dada.” I’m not even capable of hiding the bitterness in my words, so I don’t even try.
“Jameson calls me dada when I come home. He’s an observant child. I come home. I kiss my wife. He calls me dada. Apollo spends a lot of time at our house. He comes in, kisses—” I grunt my disproval. “—kisses Izzy on the forehead. He sees what Jameson does, and he does the same. It’s more like they’re twins than uncle and nephew. You should see them when all the kids get together. Amelia can’t keep up even though she’s the oldest when those two are joined with River and Cooper.”
“So they aren’t a couple?”
“If you came across the street for the egg hunt, you’d know that Apollo brought a date.”
I nod, hating that I missed it, more that I didn’t get to watch my son hobble around and pick up eggs in the yard. Who am I fooling? Seeing Apollo there with someone other than Izzy would’ve calmed a lot of shit in my head.
“She’s still over there, in fact.”
“Yet, Apollo is in your house.”
“He helps a lot with Andy. You can’t fault the man for being around. He’s a good man.”
I manage enough to nod in agreement, but I don’t use any words. I’m too petty to admit that Apollo is a good man out loud. I know he is, that’s why I sent him the letter.
“Back to you breaking her heart. What did you tell her in that letter?”
“So many horrible things… unforgivable things.” I lean forward, the rocking chair squeaking under my weight as I place my head in my hands.
“Why?”
I shake my head, emotions growing in my chest. It’s reminiscent of the way I felt in that courtroom, seconds before the judge sentenced me.
“I’m a fool, an idiot. I wanted her to move on. I didn’t want her hurting.”
“You hurt her with whatever you wrote her. She was devastated.”
I swallow thickly. “I know.”
“Do you remember you wrote me a letter as well?”
I can’t answer him. I poured my heart out to the man, focusing, at the time, on the bond we forged with hundreds of hours in the shop across the street. He was the father of the girl I loved, but then he was also someone I could look up to, a father figure of my own. I respected him, and in doing so I told him everything in that letter. I wrote about my failings, my disappointments, the love I’ll always have for his daughter, about the guilt I felt for not being man enough to be a good dad. All of my fears, my weaknesses, I laid at his feet in that letter.
It looked nothing like the one I sent to Izzy.
“The man that wrote that letter was one of the strongest men I’ve ever met. There aren’t many men willing to hold their heads high and do what you did in that courtroom that day. I don’t know that I could’ve done it.”
“Act a fool and nearly get charged with new offenses?”
He chuckles. “I don’t think you would’ve done that if Izzy hadn’t been so upset and going into labor.”
He has better faith in me than I do. I was seconds away from spinning around and begging for mercy before she cried out in pain the first time.
“Do you still love her?”
“Of course I do. I thought about her every single day since I left.”
“Because you love her, Drew, or because you didn’t have anything else to focus on? Because there’s a difference. The last thing I want is you getting involved with my daughter and then figuring out this isn’t a life you want. You have a child involved. I’d never keep you from your son, but that relationship and the one you have with Izzy are separate. There are several scenarios you have to consider here.”
I sit up straight and face him.
“You can walk away, forget Izzy and Andy exist, but with that, I’d ask that you sign over your rights, make a clean break and never show your face again. Andy is young now, but he doesn’t need some strange man dipping in and out of his life every couple of years making promises only to back out of them.”
“I—”
He holds his hand up. “Listen to me. Option two is being involved in his life with absolutely no expectation of having anything but a co-parenting relationship with Isabella, and that needs to be talked about in detail with her so she knows where to place her expectations. With that, it means no flirting, no touching, no kissing, nothing that even resembles romance. You do things with and for Andy only unless it’s a group activity.
“The last option would be to work on getting her back because you want a future with her, and that doesn’t just happen tomorrow. I can’t speak for her, but I know how badly you hurt her. If she even considers building something with you, that’s not going to happen anytime soon. She’s as stubborn as I am when she’s been hurt. I still can’t look at her mother without seeing red and wanting to spit fire.”
“I want—”
“Do you want option one?”
“Fuck no,” I hiss. “I’m not here to manipulate—”
“Then that leaves option two or three. Wait. Maybe it needs to be a combination of those options. I don’t think going over there and—”
Noise from Hound’s front door draws both of our attention.
Of course, Apollo, being the trained special secret ops whatever guy he is, knows two people are sitting over here. Like he owns the place, he walks toward us with a swagger in his gait that I loathe. He stops in the same spot Hound was standing in when I first noticed him earlier.
“Drew. Glad you’re back.” He holds out his hand for me to shake, and I look at it like it’s going to poison me if I touch it.
“Go on,” Hound urges, nudging my shoulder with his hand.
I stand, shaking Apollo’s hand, feeling a little better that I’m elevated above him. He squeezes tighter than necessary because he just has to, I guess. He draws me in close as if he’s going to tell me a secret, but Hound has great hearing, and it’s too quiet out here for anyone to talk and others not hear.