He doesn’t strike up conversation with me, only speaking to me when he has questions about his son’s day. The lack of interaction is killing me, and I hate myself for being a little jealous of the time Andy is getting with him.
Drew hasn’t grown bored or made an excuse as to why he can’t show up. He’s been here. Every. Single. Day. Most days, he simply washes his hands before rushing over, leaving the scent of motorcycles and hardworking man in his wake when he leaves. Those days are the hardest on me, the nights spent recalling his scent while trying to resist fulfilling urges that have compounded since he got out of prison.
Other days, he takes a shower before arriving, and I’m not disappointed in the woodsy scent on those days either.
He’s gotten his haircut recently, the floppy curls no longer hiding his bright blue eyes, and the first time I opened the door to him, it was alarming. He stood, waiting for me to step out of the way for a solid two minutes while I just stared at him. Of course he didn’t say anything about it, didn’t tease me for gawking, because that isn’t what we do. He comes to spend time with Andy and then he leaves.
It’s exactly what I wanted, and I flipping hate it.
“Doo!” Andy yells, his tiny hands waving in front of him as Lawson pulls up to the front of his house.
Drew’s smile is contagious as he sees his son waving at him.
“Doo!” he screeches again when the passenger truck door swings open.
Drew doesn’t even bother swinging the door closed before he’s rushing across the yard. He swings Andy up in his arms eliciting another squeal from him.
“Hi, Doo!”
Drew nuzzles his neck, making him laugh, and seeing the two of them together like this is what I always wanted. Watching Drew leave and not getting so much as a high five from his son the first couple of days was heart breaking, but he didn’t force the issue. After a couple of days, Andy was more comfortable around him, initiating contact and sitting in his lap while Drew read him a book or they played with toys.
Now, Andy waits by the door in the evening saying Doo over and over, waiting for him to arrive.
“Did you have a good day?”
I bite the inside of my cheek, frustrated like I’ve been every time Drew asks Andy a question he knows the kid can’t answer. It forces me to speak to him without him directly talking to me. It’s another thing I asked for. He’s giving it to me, and it only makes me wish I never opened up my mouth.
“He had a timeout for throwing a toy. Avery was gone today.”
He nods, but keeps his eyes on Andy and the child climbs all over him. Drew is careful, keeping both of his hands on him at all times, but it still makes me nervous to watch.
“You can’t get upset when your friend is gone, little guy. Avery wouldn’t want you in trouble.”
Andy settles as he places his palm on Drew’s cheek.
“Okay?”
Andy nods, and it’s as if he actually is listening to what he’s hearing. The little promise to behave makes my heart smile a little.
“Good man. Now, what are we going to play today? I see your blocks up on the porch.”
Andy doesn’t bother to look back at his toys. Exhausted from misbehaving all day at nursery school, he drops his head to Drew’s shoulder and closes his eyes, little feet swinging under Drew’s arm.
God, I wish I had a camera ready.
With his eyes closed, Drew leans his head, resting it on top of his son’s and it’s the most serene I’ve ever seen the man.
There’s no doubt he loves this little boy, and Andy is better for it. Keeping Drew away from him was never my intention. I’d hoped when I sent the updates that he’d change his mind, mostly for Andy, but deep down I knew I was doing it because I couldn’t imagine my life without a little part of him in it.
“I’m going to the festival tomorrow,” I offer, unsure why I’m bringing it up now. I’ve been planning to attend since I saw the flyer weeks ago at the grocery store.
“Want me to watch him?” I know he doesn’t make the question lightly. Not once has he asked to keep him without me, an issue he could honestly force at any moment. He has just as many rights to our little boy as I do.
“I’m taking him with me. They have a little area for smaller children to play and a petting zoo. Amelia went last year and spent the next month asking about it. Gigi is planning to take Jamie. Simone will be taking River and Cooper.”
“I bet he’ll have a good time.” His eyes find mine for the first time since he stepped out of the truck, his hand rubbing soothing circles on Andy’s back.
“I was thinking, I mean… if you wanted to go.”
“You want me to meet you there?”
“We could ride together.” His head tilts as if I’ve just spoken a foreign language and he doesn’t understand.
“I’m sure Andy would enjoy both of us being there.”
“Together? What about Apollo?”
“They’re going to be out of town working.”
His face falls a little, and I catch the disappointment before he can school his features. I don’t correct his assumption that he’s a consolation prize, but honestly he isn’t. I didn’t think of even asking Apollo to go. It just seems like something we would do as a family.
You’re co-parenting. We’re not a family.
Knowing this makes me frown as well.
“I’d love to go. It may take two of us to keep this guy out of trouble.” He rubs his son’s back a little longer before walking closer, making to hand him off. “I was hoping to spend a little time with him this evening, but it looks like he’s not up for it.”
“You could stay.”
Jesus, Izzy. Eager much?
“I mean, since he’s asleep. You could sit out on the porch with him while he naps.”
“Really?” The surprise in his voice makes me feel like a jerk.
“Yeah, I mean, he can’t nap long because he won’t want to go to bed, and I don’t want you to miss out on seeing him.”
Drew swallows, his eyes searching mine, and I have to look away. I don’t want him to see the vulnerability there. I’m not ready for what it could mean.
Drew follows me across the porch, taking one rocking chair while I sit in the other. We don’t speak as he rocks back and forth, his son in his arms, but the silence isn’t awkward either.
When Dad gets home twenty minutes later, he pulls Andy from Drew’s arms, waking him up with raspberries on his little belly, leaving the two of us sitting on the front porch in silence as the sun sets.
When my stomach growls, Drew stands to leave.
“Thank you for offering me the chance to go tomorrow. What time should I be here?”
“Early. It starts at ten, and I’d like to be there before the crowds swarm.”
“I’ll be here.”
His eyes sweep over my face one more time before he walks away.
It takes everything I have not to call after him and beg him to stay just a few more minutes.
Chapter 38
Drew
I seriously think she’s trying to kill me. First it was the sight of her in a cute little sundress, then when I got close enough to grab the diaper bag from her before leaving her house, her perfume hit me in the face. In addition to the flowery scent threatening to make me hard, I have to see her bare shoulder all the while resisting the urge to touch her soft skin.