My eyes close too and I lose myself in the same slumber boat that ferried him away moments ago.
I’ve never felt safer than when I’m in his arms.
“Lily!” Willow calls. “Lily, come on. Hurry up.”
I sit up, feeling clammy from the warm air.
“Lily, seriously, Mom’s waiting for us, she’s getting annoyed.”
I climb out of bed in my nightgown and race to the window. My ottoman is beneath it, the fabric covering made from a dark green velvet, full of my toys and stuffed animals. I rest on it on my knees and peer out into the darkness. I swear Willow’s voice came from the front yard. But why is she awake at this time? She’s scared of the dark, there’s no way she’d go out there alone.
“Lily,” a hissed voice comes from behind me, breathing across my neck and across the back of my head.
I jolt and turn, pressing my shoulder blades to the windowsill.
My room is empty and still, there’s nobody in sight but the shadows painting the pink walls.
“Willow?” I whisper, clearing my childish thoughts. “Willow, is that you?”
I step down from the ottoman, letting my toes wriggle in the soft plush rug on my floor. My heart rate spikes. I don’t feel good.
I run across the room and dive into my bed, clammier now than before and I pull the blanket over my face, breathing harshly in the dark pocket of space between my knees and head.
Footsteps creak in the hall. Tapping sounds on the door. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. A constant noise, like the point of metal hitting wood.
When my door creaks open, I cover my mouth and stifle my sob. I’m so frightened. So scared.
“Lily,” Willow whispers, pulling black the blanket suddenly, showing me the room now full of angry eyes.
Men twice my size stand along the walls glaring at me, their bodies dripping blood, their necks snapped, their eyes lifeless.
I scream but she covers my mouth with her hand, stopping me from making a noise. I thrash as she climbs into bed with me and presses my face into her chest.
“It’s okay,” she soothes. “Just ignore them. Look at me. Ignore them. They can’t hurt you. They can’t hurt you. They’re dead already. Ignore them.”
I sniffle and sob, trying to keep quiet, terrified they’ll get me.
“They’re dead,” she breathes. “They can’t hurt you now. They can’t hurt any of us.”
I groan and roll onto my back, feeling sweaty and gross. My heart is pounding so loudly I can hear it over my ragged breath.
“What’s wrong?” Nokosi asks, leaning over me to brush my hair from my sweaty forehead.
I bat his hand away and look around his bedroom, different to the one in my dream. “I need a shower.”
“What is it? Talk to me.”
“You don’t talk to me,” I point out petulantly and he doesn’t argue with that. “Look, I just need a moment to gather myself. Okay?” Without waiting for an answer, I pull on his T-shirt and make my way downstairs. Nash is sitting on the couch drinking a beer with Joseph.
“Hey, pretty lady,” Joseph calls but I ignore them both and lock myself in the bathroom.
I can’t breathe. The dream… it felt so real… it’s my paranoia speaking to me, telling me that my time here is limited. Nokosi will leave me when he knows what I’ve done.
I let the cold water splash over me, it’s fucking freezing, but it helps to rid me of my nervous shaking, only to replace it with cold trembles.
Those I can deal with though.
Nausea roils my stomach so badly I have to fight the urge to vomit.
When I make the water warm, I’m feeling a little better though not much. It’s not often I dream but when I do it’s usually a fucking nightmare like that, or something equally as disturbing.
I hate it.
There’s a knock on the door. “You okay in there?”
I don’t answer. I just don’t want to be around people right now. I need space to sort my head out.
Exiting the bathroom, I move past Nokosi, keeping my eyes forward, and head upstairs to get my things. Nok follows hot on my heels.
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
“I just need space,” I admit, hopping on one foot as I pull on my pants. “It’s nothing you did.”
“Hey,” he coos softly, taking my elbow and turning me to face him. His eyes search my face for something… anything. “What is it?”
“I just… I need to go home.”
I leave my bra and wifebeater that I wore here and race from the house with car keys in hand.
Nokosi watches me go from his front door and I feel guilty for a moment, but then the feeling in my chest intensifies again and there’s nowhere I want to be than with my sister.
She’s waiting for me, likely sensing my distress from the second I park the car outside, and we curl into bed together as my anxieties crush my chest, making it impossible for me to breathe.
“We killed them,” I whisper as she holds me tight. “We killed them, Willow.”
She strokes my hair. “I know but they deserved it. They can’t hurt us anymore.”
I inhale her scent; she smells like sugarplums and vanilla. It’s sweet and soothing and I don’t want to ever be anywhere else ever again.
The memories resurface, awful memories of her lying beside me, reaching out to my hand as they forced a vodka bottle down her throat, chipping her tooth as they pushed it in. Her eyes were wide and bulging. She couldn’t breathe.
I scream into her chest, scream louder than I ever have, scream until my throat is sore and tired and my voice nonexistent.
They defiled us. They ruined us.
They took everything from us.
“I’ll always be here for you,” Willow breathes against my hair. “I promise.”
“No, you won’t,” I cry, hating myself for being so weak. I don’t cry. It’s not me. Willow was the crier, she was the baby, she was the weak one.
The sun set an hour ago, as I was driving home from Nok’s, it took all my happiness with it, plunging it into the darkness as my fear and grief overwhelm me. It’s not fair. I didn’t ask to be attacked. I didn’t ask for any of it.
When there’s a knock on the door I’m not in the mood to answer it, but then I hear the sound of a radio and a deep voice I recognize but can’t place.
“If somebody doesn’t answer this door, I’m afraid I’m going to have to break it down.”
I scramble out of bed so fast I trip and almost face-plant the floor. I stumble down the hall, down the stairs, and grasp the handle, all the while crying out, “Just a second!”
When I pull open the door a flashlight beams its brightness directly into my eyes.
“Shit,” I curse, blinking and using my hand to shield myself. “Dude. What the fuck?”
“Sorry, miss,” the officer says, lowering the light and looking over my shoulder.
I recognize him immediately and glance at my sister who is sitting on the stairs. She looks as tense as I feel.
“Officer Deacon, right?” I put on the charm, fiddling with my hair that’s likely a nest on my head. I’m so not attractive enough right now to try and be charming.
“Ahhh, the little mud shark,” he says and grins as his pale eyes creep down my body, stopping at my cleavage for a long moment. “I’m here to investigate a disturbance.”