Which was what again?
Willow
I look at the white walls. They need a second coat, maybe even a third.
I’m stalling for time.
“Looks good,” Nokosi says around a loud yawn. I know how he feels, these days I constantly feel as though I’m fighting to stay awake.
“It could be better.”
“Does it matter? She’s painting over it soon anyway,” he grumbles and yawns again.
I look at him, it’s only ten but he’s clearly exhausted. “You can go.”
He raises a brow. “Are you dismissing me?”
“Could you maybe take me to the store first? I’ve got a major craving for some Hershey’s.”
Hesitating, he seems to think about it for a moment before looking around the room. It’s pure brilliant white though you can’t tell in the dim lighting. We only have an old lantern that was left behind by the prior tenants. “Sure, why not?”
“Yes!” I cheer and take the arm he offers. “Thanks, Nok.”
“No problem, I figured that the nicer I am to you the more likely you are to stay.”
Laughing I slap his chest and shake my head. “Everybody has an agenda I guess.”
“Of course, life would be shit without one. Can you imagine not having a goal in life?” He shrugs his shoulders. “I bet you have an extensive bucket list.”
He has no idea. “There’s just one thing left on my list.” Pulling open the truck’s passenger door, he grips my hips to help me inside and for the first time ever I don’t feel repulsed by his touch. I don’t fully welcome it either but it doesn’t make me feel sick.
“What’s that?” he asks after rounding the truck and climbing in.
I tap my nose and look ahead.
“Maybe I can help you achieve it? Maybe we all can?”
“I doubt it,” I mutter and check my pocket for my wallet. “How are things with my sister now? She’s hardly been home for the past couple of days.”
“Good. We got past whatever happened, she’s happy again.” He looks me up and down when we stop at a red light. “Are you happy? You can always join us.”
“One step at a time,” I say, placing my hand on his for a few seconds, until he clears his throat and pulls his away.
Well, he’s definitely loyal to my sister.
I start coughing, I can’t stop. It’s not so much that anything is on my chest it’s just what happens sometimes. My chest feels so tight. I stagger on a breath that I try to pull in and pain pops in my throat.
This sucks.
“Fuck, Willow, are you okay?” He rubs my back until I’ve calmed myself, his eyes shining with concern.
I nod and sit back. “Fuck this illness, man. I’m done. I feel like I’m fading away.”
We don’t speak for a while. What is there to say? I’m dying. There’s only so many times one can tell me how sorry they are as I suffer through the symptoms and side effects of my ailment, and the drugs I have to take for it.
“I have an idea… it’s unconventional and it defies the laws of modern medicine… but…” He suddenly pulls over, startling me and I tense, not liking being taken by surprise. But then he taps on his phone screen and puts it to his ear. “Auntie, is Elisi awake?” After a pause where he listens to a feminine voice reply, he starts speaking in another language and at the end he’s smiling.
“What’s going on?” I ask weakly, trying not to cough again.
He puts the car in drive and makes a U-turn. “How’d you like to meet my grandmother on the res?”
My breath catches in my throat. “I don’t know… I’m not good around people.”
“She’s a healer,” he insists gently. “Not the kind you know but she’s saved lives. I don’t believe in it more than a placebo but if it can help you then isn’t it worth a try?”
“I guess,” I mutter, suddenly feeling like a lost little girl again. I don’t have a weapon, or mace spray, or even my phone. “Will you… protect me?”
“Protect you? From what?”
“Everybody?”
His brows pull together with confusion and his hand goes to my thigh. “I promise, nobody will hurt you while I’m with you.”
Resting my forehead against the cool glass, I take a deep breath and mutter, “Okay. I’ll go.”
“Did somebody hurt you before? Is that why you don’t go anywhere?”
I consider telling him to fuck off. I consider berating him for prying. But something inside of me screams to let it out, to trust somebody with just a tiny part of me. It begs me to. It begs me to feel human again.
“Not just me, but my sister too.”
He tenses, his body becomes cement. “Somebody hurt Lilith?”
I nod once, trying not to let the grief I feel overwhelm me and trigger my own anxiety. Lilith isn’t the only one with issues.
“What happened?” he asks urgently. “Who hurt you?”
“It doesn’t matter… they can’t hurt us anymore.”
His urgency becomes concern and confusion. “Willow… what did you do?”
I don’t reply and that in itself is reply enough if one is smart enough to read into the silence. Nokosi is definitely smart enough to do that. He’s also smart enough to let it end there. He doesn’t push or pry and I respect that.
No more questions are asked, and we drive through the trees to the woodsy part of the reservation, away from town by far. It’s quiet in the truck for the longest time. Nothing but potent pain swirling between us, making the atmosphere thick and heavy.
“Still like me?” I ask, unable to control myself. For some reason the thought of him not liking me makes me feel things I don’t want to feel. I don’t care what he thinks. I don’t care what anybody thinks. Or at least… I didn’t.
“Somebody hurt me once too,” he confesses quietly. “So whatever you did, or whatever you wanted to do, I get it.”
Somebody hurt him too.
We share a look in the darkness when we pull to a stop, lighting up a dark house with strong headlights.
“Wait here.” Pushing open the door, he jumps out of the truck landing steadily on both feet. The door to the one-story home opens as he crosses the distance with powerful strides. I spy an older lady with a hunched back and white hair pulled back into a tight bun. It’s difficult to make out her features.
Nokosi speaks to her for a moment as another woman appears behind the older one. I’m guessing it’s his grandmother and aunt, but I can’t say for sure.
He comes running back after a long moment of me scanning the dark area with tired eyes. There are more homes in the distance, all different shapes and sizes to this one. I wonder if they were built by them.
“Come on,” Nokosi urges after opening my door. He takes my hand and helps me down, then keeps hold of me as we make the journey to his grandmother’s home. I approach cautiously. I don’t feel secure anymore. I feel on edge and guarded. Like I’m being watched and judged silently by devils in the trees, ready to take my soul to the underworld and torture me for an eternity.