“I know, it’s a little much isn’t it,” Darius says, and I nod, not trusting myself to be able to form words that will make any sense.
“You’ll be okay. I have a feeling that the security detail won’t be going anywhere this time. It just might not always be me, but you’ll be okay. I promise you, Luna, there are plenty of people wanting to keep you safe. Trust me,” he says, and I want to tell him that I do trust him.
Because I do, but trust won’t keep me safe, neither will blind faith, praying really hard, or hoping that this year will be better. There's only one thing I can really do, but I don’t know how to go about getting it. It isn’t on the extra curricular list, which means only one person could make it happen. There lies the problem, I can’t ask anything of Sir, the price could be higher than I'm willing to pay. Even higher than my desire to stay alive.
“Go on, your bags will be taken to your room. You’re stronger than you think, you just need to start believing it.” He climbs out of the car before he opens my door and I get out.
He stays a safe distance away from me, because we have to be proper after all. God forbid anyone sees us and runs to tell Sir. I think the backlash would be worse for Darius than me. My whole future, and the fate of my family, relies on me seeing this through.
I walk up the steps with my head held high and shoulders pulled back. I know I can do this, or I can, at least, pretend that I’m not scared of what lies in wait for me behind these formidable doors.
I turn the handle and push my way through. A group of girls are standing in front of the stairs and I keep my arms locked against my sides to try to hide how badly they are shaking.
“Luna, hey. How are you?” One of them calls, and I rear back slightly as I stare at her.
‘I-I-I…”
“It’s Elena, we met back when that message was written on the stairs. How are you?” She smiles and I’m waiting for the cruel words or whispering to begin, but the group she was with are just staring between us, looking more curious than anything.
“I’m okay, thanks. How are you?” This feels so awkward, I feel like the Luna I used to be.
“Good. It’s definitely different when everyone leaves. But I guess things are going to get back to, um, normal now.” She laughs awkwardly as she shuffles on her feet. I try to smile, but I’m sure it looks more like a grimace.
“What does normal even mean these days?” asks one of the other girls, and she’s met with a lot of agreement.
“Yeah, I don’t really know what that means either anymore,” I say quietly, scared that I’ll say the wrong thing and alienate them instantly.
“Look, can we speak to you? Without one of the guys coming down on us?” asks another girl, I think she’s Thirty Seven. I’m instantly on guard, but I don’t know what will happen if I refuse. Can I really afford to have more people against me? Then again, maybe they already are.
“Sure, I guess. I mean, I’m not going to rat you out or anything.” I hold my palms out and they share a look before nodding.
“Well, we tend to avoid the maze these days, and after what happened to Daria, the pool has lost its appeal as well. We could go to the gardens,” Elena suggests, and I’m starting to think this may not be such a great idea.
“A group like us may garner some attention, if that’s something you’re trying to avoid then the gardens may not be the best place. I know a few of the guys like to go there for… well, instead of the bedroom.” My neck and cheeks flame and I have no idea why I am telling them this. Please, don’t be another Four situation. I really don’t want to get stabbed again.
“What about the stables? I doubt there will be many people around there at the moment,” I suggest, as I toe the ground and wait for them to make a decision.
“I think that’s a great idea. I think Miley, Hannah, and I should go and we’ll come and find the rest of you later,” Elena says, and I guess she’s their leader.
We start moving and I can’t help looking at Miley, I’m sure she’s the girl who told Daria and me what the message had said. Not that I’m in any rush to bring it up, I just want to know what they have to say so I can escape to my room. I should be relatively safe there, at least until one of the guys comes and finds me.
There I go again, putting my safety in others. I can’t keep doing that. There will always be times when I’m alone and I need to be better prepared. Being able to fight back when you know it’s coming is one thing, but being taken unaware is completely different.
We stop at the stables, and I was right. It’s relatively deserted, save for those tending to the horses, so we move out of earshot and stand here awkwardly.
“What’s up?” Yeah, way to go at making things even more awkward than they were before.
“How did you do it?” Hannah asks, and Elena nudges her in the side.
“Do what? What did I do?”
“Get the guys to be ‘nice’ to you. I mean, compared to the rest of us at least. Some of us have done alright, I’m pretty much unnoticeable here, but a few of our other friends haven’t been so lucky. What can they do to improve their odds?” Miley asks, as she tucks her straight, jet black hair behind her ears.
“You girls realize that I’ve nearly been killed twice, right? Three times, if you include what the girls tried to do. I don’t think I’m the best person to ask.” I wish I could help them, but I don’t see how I can.
“We’re not saying you’ve had it easy, unlike what everyone else seems to think, we don’t believe that you’re better off than us. But Tucker, Aeron, Tom, and the Prince. They don’t treat you like a piece of shit on the bottom of their shoe. If you knew the things that the other guys have done, you’d understand what we mean.” Elena tugs at the hem of her top and I bite down on my lip.
“I don't know what I can say. It isn’t really anything I’ve done, I think for the most part it’s because I didn’t chase after them or treat them with more respect than the rules dictate. It doesn’t mean it will work for others though, I don’t want to advise you and then it gets you in more trouble. I’m sorry.” Their faces fall one by one, and I feel like shit.
“You know the guys better than we do, is there anyone that you think would be nicer to us?” Elena asks, clutching at straws, and I keep expecting to actually see strands in her hands.
“I guess Dustin, he’s always been nice to me when we’ve been cooking together. I would try to avoid Simon, Craig, and Ashley. I’m not sure about Dillon, I haven’t had a lot of run-ins with him.” I shrug my shoulders and they sigh collectively.
“All of this means nothing if they decide they want us though, I told you this was pointless,” Hannah throws out before storming off.
“Don’t mind her, she had an encounter with Simon this morning when he got back, so she’s feeling a little sensitive. Thanks, though,” Miley says before she chases after her.
“What was the point of this, Elena? You must have known I wouldn’t have been able to help.” I kick at the dirt on the ground as she rocks back and forth on her heels.
“Of course I did, but sometimes you just have to have hope. We’re not against you though. I don’t know if that will make us friends, but you won’t have any issues with us. Just be careful, and there was something else I wanted to say.” She grips my shoulders as she leans in closer and presses her mouth to my ear.