“Other than Alexa and your mom, I’ve never known you to care about anyone. I know I can include Luna in that list now. Please, Emmet, do the right thing and just stay away.” He gets to his feet and walks over to my door. He turns the handle but doesn’t open the door immediately. I look up at him and I watch as he wars with himself. “I really wish we could have been brothers. I admire you, Emmet, even with all the shit you’ve had to face, you’re not as messed up as people like to think.” He smiles sadly at me and then he leaves.
I pour another glass of whiskey. Who cares if it’s his, we’re brothers for fuck’s sake, it isn’t as though I’m going to catch anything. I open the envelope that he passed me and stare at my name scrawled across the front.
Em,
It feels weird calling you that, almost as though I’m doing something wrong. I’m glad you said I could though, I like having something that only I can call you. I need you to know that moving away from your touch was my own personal torture, because all I wanted to do was push into it. I never thought I’d see past our weird history, but I was wrong. I don’t know when things started to change, maybe it was when we went to New York, or maybe it was before that. I don’t think it even really matters, that isn’t why I’m writing this letter. I also know that I could have started again and avoided all of this rambling, but do you know the best part about writing a letter? No stuttering. I can say exactly what I want and need, and I don’t have to overthink or breathe through every word just to get it out. Also, why shouldn’t you see the way my mind works when I actually let it loose?
Anyway, I asked Maddox to tell you about Thallon’s order, because I didn’t want you to be left in the dark. What happened last night meant something to me. That doesn’t mean I would always expect gentle, and dare I say loving? I know you have a darkness inside you, and I’ve enjoyed the times it’s come out. Although, it felt as though we crossed into new territory last night, it’s breaking me that we can’t explore it further. I’m trying to stay positive and believe that Thallon will let me go once he’s finished, I just wish I knew why he hates me so much.
I know you think giving up any kind of power makes you weak, and you need to always be strong and powerful. Right now, I’m struggling to stay strong, but I’m going to try to. I can’t let him beat me, even if it feels as though there is no end in sight. I have to follow his orders, Emmet. So from now, I can’t talk to or even acknowledge you. I don’t dare even look at you.
I’m sure you think I didn’t know you were in my class this morning, but you’re wrong. I knew you were there, so even though I can’t acknowledge you, I’m not ignoring you. I always notice you, Em. It’s impossible not to.
Until the orders are gone and I can look at you without risk, I have to say goodbye.
Your Star.
She called herself mine, I know there is a lot more to take away from that but it’s screaming out to me. Don’t worry, Star, he’ll be releasing you real soon, I’ll make sure of it.
19
Relishing the Violence
Luna
A week of grovelling for food, begging for scraps off his damn plate like an animal. Yeah, it’s been a blast. I’ve barely seen D, except for dance class, which I may have to drop with how hard this year is already beginning to be. I barely have time to sit down, without having to clean his room, retrieve his food, oh yeah and even bake the things he wants to eat. Only the things he wants to eat. He’s even managed to ruin the only thing I have left to enjoy.
It’s hard not to let my eyes stray to the guys when they pass by, or when I kneel at their feet in the mess hall, but I have to do it. I don’t want to push him, I have no idea what he is truly capable of.
“Come along, Little Mouse. I fancy taking a stroll through the gardens,” he calls as he opens my door.
I was so fucking wrong when I thought I hated Emmet, I was just misguided. Well now I know how it really feels, I feared and loathed Shane, but I hate Thallon with the passion and fire of a thousand suns.
I brush my hands down over my dress, a white top with a frilly neckline and a layered, dark blue skirt. My heeled pumps are white with silver stars across the sides, I like to think one of my guys picked them out for me. It’s why I chose to wear them today.
“I’m ready to go… Sir.” I have to force that last word out through clenched teeth. I barely resist the urge to claw at my throat to prevent myself from ever having to speak to him again.
“Good, start walking.” He pulls open my door before sweeping his arm out for me to go first. I walk out and head towards the front entrance. I know he’s following, his footsteps making his presence known.
We walk outside and he grips my elbow before he walks me towards the maze. My steps falter, until I trip over thin air. He doesn’t try to stop me from falling as I throw my hands out to stop my face from hitting the ground.
I stare up at the entrance, and try to retreat inside my mind. Pretend that this is just one of his mind games, that he won’t make me go in there.
I get back to my feet and straighten my spine before turning around to face him. I can’t resist jutting out my chin as I finally meet his eyes.
“We’re going in there?” I jerk my thumb at the maze and he smiles softly as he shakes his head.
“No, you’re going in there. I’ve been asking around and a lot of people have been saying that you’re awfully scared of the maze, Little Mouse. Plus, it kinda suits you, don’t you think? Maze, mouse, ironic really.” He chuckles and I can’t stop staring at the entrance.
“Run along, Little Mouse. You don’t want the big bad strangler to get you.” He pushes me between the shoulder blades and I stumble forward.
I keep moving forward until I pass the entrance, his chants following me inside.
“Run, run, Little Mouse.”
He says it repeatedly, as I turn the corner and let the maze swallow me whole.
I'm shaking all over, I don’t care what anyone says. Facing your fears is never easy, especially when it’s forced on you.
Sure, I tremble more than I should, and I’ve cried more than my fair share of rivers, but I can’t help how I react. So what if I’m sensitive, and I wear my heart on my sleeve? Why is that a bad thing? Why am I being punished by a guy who doesn’t know me? Because he’s friends with Shane? I don’t know, and at this point, I’m beyond the point of even caring. Whatever drives him to do these things, it just doesn’t matter. There is no excuse for it. I haven’t done anything to him, I never met him before he introduced himself to me outside of the cabin.
I wipe at my face as I move through the maze, so glad that I’ve been to the middle enough times to know the way without getting lost. Doesn’t mean it can’t happen, but I feel fairly confident that I’ll be okay. As long as I don’t run into the mysterious strangler that is.
“Come on, Tom. How long are you going to make me beg for it?” The girl’s voice registers and I know that voice. Twenty. Damn, I really don’t like that girl.