‘This course is limited entry. I don’t believe you’ve been admitted, Mr….? ‘
‘You don’t remember my name? I’m Teo. Teo Pagani. The official, the original.’
There are a couple of wolf-whistles from somewhere at the back, and I can feel my face flush red with fury. The anger that simmers inside me threatens to boil over and catch fire. I imagine flames shooting from my nostrils and melting those ridiculous sunglasses of his, but it doesn’t really help.
‘Signor Pagani,’ I begin, trying to keep my voice from shaking. ‘I would ask you to sit outside, please. This course is for members only.’
‘But I’ve signed up!’ he exclaims with a dazzling smile. Some girl turns to look at him with a dreamy expression on her face.
‘No, no, no, that’s not possible. You’re… I mean…’
‘Too old? I prefer ‘experienced’.’
More laughter. I need to nip this in the bud if I don’t want to lose my credibility.
‘Right. Well you and your experience can do me a favour and sit outside, please.’ I say in a firm and peremptory voice. The students in the front row cower slightly and I feel less ridiculous.
As if I hadn’t spoken, Teo saunters down the flight of stairs that separates us and places itself in front of the projector. He appears to study the program carefully, and after a while he moves to one side and winks at Eleonora, who stares at me in bewilderment.
‘Looks like an interesting program… are there any field trips? ‘
‘This isn’t high school, Mr Pagani’ I reproach him, trying to close the projector. Teo grabs my hand, and with the other, he reaches over and presses the button to see the next slide.
‘How the hell is it possible to study all this stuff?’ he mutters to himself.
‘Anything is possible if you really want to do it,’ I mutter, batting him away.
‘Is that an indecent proposal, Doctor?,’ he murmurs, low enough to add a sensual tone to his voice, but loud enough to be heard in the front rows, prompting further hilarity.
‘Mr. Pagani, that will do!’ I say, raising my voice.
‘Wow! That’s a very authoritarian tone of voice. My sadism theory is looking more and more plausible, I’d say.’
After that, everything happens in a fraction of a second. Sometimes, something inside you just snaps, and you’re not entirely responsible for your actions.
I grab Teo roughly by the arm, amid murmurs from the crowd. Ignoring his protests, I drag him over to the door.
‘Eleonora, can you take over?’ I ask my colleague, who is quick to assume control and restore calm in the classroom.
I half-carry, half-push him out into the corridor.
I feel an overpowering desire to slap him.
Never before have I had such a disproportionate reaction towards anyone, but then no one has ever tried so hard to insult me and undermine my credibility in public before.
Words come out of my mouth like tongues of fire. I feel like an avenging angel.
‘If you don’t want me to kill you where you stand, you’d better tell me right now what you are doing in my university.’
He smiles at me. What the fuck is he smiling about? Does he not understand that I am about to destroy him? If I were him I would be shaking in my boots.
‘Why kill me so soon when you have the whole semester to do it?’
‘It’s not possible, you’re too old to go to university.’
‘And you don’t look like a teacher. Actually, no, that’s wrong, you look like a teacher in every possible way. I probably would have bet on a repressed librarian, given how nerdy you are, but apparently not. You’re not a librarian, you’re just repressed.’
‘You’d better start changing your plans for the year. There are plenty of other courses you can take.’
His smile widens into a wicked grin. ‘Oh, no. I have no intention of changing the courses. In fact, now that I think about it, I have a wonderful idea.’
And then the realisation hits me:
Teo is here to make this academic year a living hell, and I get the feeling he will prove to be naturally gifted at that particular area of study.
9
Teo
Knowing that you’re being watched is never pleasant. All the more so when it’s your father doing it.
I arrived at the faculty with all the vitality of a sloth and the desire to study of an amoeba. I never dreamed I would make such a providential encounter.
Sure, I almost lost an arm. She’s got a grip of iron, that woman. I did enjoy winding her up in front of everyone… and this is only the beginning, because I’ve decided to exploit this situation to my own advantage.
‘I have a wonderful idea,’ I announce, as if it were the invention of the century. And from my point of view it certainly is. I have absolutely no intention of actually working hard and studying for my exam the way anyone else would. I’m not just anyone, I’m Teo Pagani, for God’s sake! I need to defend my reputation as an incurable layabout!
‘I don’t want to hear anything that comes out of your mouth,’ Sara retorts. Sorry, Dr. Doria.
Dr. Doria. An impressive title for a tiny ball of fury that stands in front of me, looking like she could kill me with her eyes, and would like to try.
‘Believe me, I could put my mouth in places where you would be very happy with what came out of it…’
‘That’s gross. I’m calling security,’ she hisses, making for the stairs.
I grab her by the shoulders and put my mouth to her ear.
‘Not so fast. I haven’t told you my idea,’ I whisper softly. She has a delicate scent, like baby powder. It is an angelic perfume, completely at odds with the person herself, who is more like a devil in human form.
She pulls away, glaring as though she could devour me in one gulp. By now, I have grown accustomed to her questionable appearance. I can’t appreciate it, but there is an odd sort of familiarity, and I find myself strangely unwilling to tear my eyes away from her. Today she’s wearing a grey suit that gives her an even more stern and inflexible air.
‘You can keep your idea. It will either be incredibly stupid, or shamefully dishonest. Probably both.’
‘Obviously it’s dishonest. I couldn’t dream up a virtuous scheme even if I wanted to. As to whether it’s stupid or not, I wouldn’t like to say, seeing as it could get me what I need without effort. You’re not curious about what I have in mind?’
‘Not even slightly.’
‘Well, I’ll tell you anyway. I’m going to pass this semi… tropic… whatever it’s called …’
‘Semiotics. And not knowing how to pronounce it isn’t the best start,’ she says.
I narrow my eyes.
‘Yes, that. Semiotics. I will pass with at least a 2:1, maybe a first.’
She mutters something under her breath, and runs her hand through her hair, exasperated. Hmm, has she changed her conditioner? It doesn’t seem as frizzy as last time I saw her.
‘Listen. I don’t know what you’re planning here or why your desire to study has suddenly reawakened with age, but that little display earlier has not been the most promising debut. I think you should reconsider your options.’