Trigger Warning
Couple of things with this one: trigger warnings and Aen’s pronouns.
Trigger warnings: significantly detailed scene of the main character being badly beaten, along with some of the male leads. References to past abuse including child sexual abuse and a situation where it’s discussed putting the character back into that situation.
Kira cops a beat down in this book, towards the end in Chapter 30. I use a reasonable amount of detail in this, which will be wayyy too much for some. She’s tied up and powerless, but she does prevail. I’ll include a brief description of what happened at the start of the next chapter so you can skip if you need it.
There is also a reference to some rapes, sexual assaults and partner committed murders. Few details, but still, they are in Chapter 18.
There is also a discussion of some BLM style riots in Chapter 2 that discuss some of the violence committed.
This is also quite an intense book, so keep that in mind when reading. There’s a lot of love and sweetness. More than every before, but still they face some significant external threats.
How do I know if this book’s for me? Talk to others who’ve read it, particularly in my group to feel it out and see if it’ll push your buttons. As always staying safe trumps entertainment.
Aen’s pronouns: We discussed this in depth in my reader group. Aen switches gender when it suits them. When he is in male form, he uses male pronouns because he presents as cis-male and similarly female pronouns for when she is in female form. I didn’t make a big deal of them switching. The only clue you’ll get is the change in pronoun, which will get confusing and make you work a bit. Hopefully you can get behind it. To me, them switching gender wasn’t a big deal, so I played it fairly low key.
Chapter 1
Take six consorts, open an ancient magical palace, ride a Sentinel’s face until I come and nearly kill him, then get banished like a demon. All in a night’s work, apparently. I opened my eyes, Aragide and all its murals and my bedmates slowly filtering back in.
Please tell me you’re going to do something with this bounty, Lilith purred. I was trying to look at the architecture, but she kept steering my eyes back to the bed. So beautiful. You have done very well with your consorts.
Oh, apart from the fact they may slit my throat in my sleep or sell me to the highest bidder, I replied drily.
That will never happen again.
No, but that might not stop them trying.
“And how are you this morning?” Aen asked, moving closer and taking me in his arms. I leaned back against his chest as a matter of course, liking them going around me. I leant back for a kiss, needing him and his taste, which he gave me willingly. I’d begun to wriggle against his groin, feeling the way I stirred him and loving it, when someone else decided they needed one themselves.
“Sounds like you were having fun,” Marlow said, dropping his lips on mine as Aen watched. I liked that, the soft press of his mouth, so quickly parting to give me more. I liked Aen watching every little move we made, like he couldn’t bear to look away. And when I drew back, placing a gentle kiss on the corner of Marlow’s mouth, when he looked up to acknowledge our audience, I liked the tentative way he moved towards my red headed lover, moving forwards and backwards in small increments until I nodded. I watched their lips attack each other, heard the hiss of their breath, felt the grind of Marlow’s hardening cock between my legs, just teasing little nudges that just had my thighs parting further, which drew their lips down to mine. They duelled with each other to pull the most gasps from me, sucking and nibbling on my lips, tongues thrusting into my mouth, kissing me until I was breathless and gasping for more.
“That looks so fucking hot. Can I touch my cock?”
Our eyes jerked sideways as we pulled apart to see Jake on his hands and knees, watching us with a catlike smile. But his lips dropped open and his breath was coming in hard, something that turned into a whine when I deliberately bent my head to kiss Marlow slowly and thoroughly. My attention was on Marlow—seeing his eyes widen for a moment before his hand pulled me closer, his tongue opening my mouth and forcing its way in, listening to the whistle of our breaths as we kissed each other senseless.
But one eye was on Jake as well. His eyes went bright green, burning like molten glass, and his fingers twitched, edging towards where the lump in his pants throbbed. But there was more to it than just getting off. I watched his brows shift, tiny muscles shifting in his face, his mobile mouth falling open in awe.
He was so beautiful in his pain, longing for us and holding himself back, it made it easier to understand why people wanted to hurt him, just to see that radiance. His skin and his eyes glowed with it, in a way that people like Samson hadn’t been able to inspire. What he denied himself made him burn so prettily.
But if I said yes, I thought as I watched his hand stray closer and closer to his zipper, I know how it’d go down. He’d worship me at every turn, lying himself at our feet for us to use and abuse in turns.
And you’d want to, I thought, feeling Mark’s frantic licks between my legs as he fought for breath.
The memories of what others had done to Jake overlaid my view of him and faded, neither what I’d seen nor what I saw now the whole picture.
You don’t know the full picture with any of them.
Lucas lay across the bed, that massive muscular chest on full display, making my fingers itch to move closer, run my hands through the smattering of hair across it. I followed the small patterns his hands made on the bedcovers, feeling them on my skin.
Billy watched me with an old familiar hunger, but that didn’t make sense. He’d lost the beast, didn’t need to feed anymore, so why did he look at me like I was his last meal? His mouth twitched a little at my inspection, as if he read my mind and found it amusing. It was a secret smile, a cat’s smile, inviting me to learn more.
But it was Johnno who grabbed my attention and held it.
He looked like he’d been run through the ringer, his hair long and shaggy, stubble thick on his jaw, but those golden eyes held mine steadily.
“We fucked up,” he said flatly.
Yeah, you did.
“I always fucking hated Liam’s plan. So did Lucas, obviously.”
“We all did,” Billy said, but he didn’t look happy about it, staring at the bed.
“If we’re going to start something new, we need to talk. Get on an even footing. Stop fucking shit up,” Johnno said, and it was all so tempting.
That was the thing about him, with his ruffled boy next door charm and all that wonderful earnestness. The others conjured a dazzling array of scenarios, from sadistic to falling into an endless sensual darkness I could just drown in, but him? Despite his destroyed expression and the lines on his face, he offered the most dangerous thing of all—hope.
“Can we do that, Kira? Can we sit and talk shit out?”
Metaphorically, his hand was outstretched, ready and waiting to take mine and find a way out of this together. All I had to do was make that leap. And for a few heartbeats, I considered it.
I shook my head, looking away when I saw the pain compounded on my former preceptor’s face.
“At some point, yes.” My voice was cool and measured. I even reached out and took his hand to press home the message, fighting the urge to shiver when my thumb trailed over those familiar calluses. “There was a time when I would have given anything I had for that.” My voice was low, quiet, but I felt them hang on my every word. “I wanted it so much when I was on that bus with you.”