Because it scares you. I didn’t know if that was Lilith or me, but it remained true nonetheless.
“But yeah, that’s what bringing us here means. We can be together. Love each other.”
“Just stop.” Vervain’s eyes brimmed with tears, and then she launched herself at Jen, sweeping her up in her arms and holding her tight. “You know I love you with everything I’ve got. I always have.”
“I know.” Jen stroked her hair. “And now we don’t have to hide behind all that bullshit. It’s me and you, babe.”
“Only way I wanted it.”
Vervain was going to say more, but her voice was corroded by tears, something Jen kissed away until finally they just held the other close and breathed in.
“So…this is not what we came for.” Vervain pulled away, doing that careful wipe of her foot-long eyelashes women proficient with makeup do. “C’mon, let’s make you even more beautiful.”
I wanted to say something, felt the pressure to do so physically in response to what I’d just seen, but instead, I remained close-lipped as she dragged me over to a chair and started running a brush through my hair. I’d told myself I wouldn’t let Jen make me do this sort of thing, yet here I was, sitting stiffly, waiting for the axe to fall.
“You needn’t look so scared,” Jen said with a chuckle. “I know Vervain’s not Marlow, but she’s amazing, seriously.”
“I know, I just… It always feels like a mask, y’know? Like I’m hiding who I am behind a socially acceptable palette of nude shades.”
“Not these then,” Vervain said, tossing a box of eyeshadows back in the bag. She tapped a makeup brush against her lips and then said, “I know. You were all smoke and fangs and doom at the estate. Why not a sexy version of that? Does Lucas get hard at the thought of dating a vampire queen?”
“Too bad if he doesn’t,” Jen said with a snort. “You can’t put that genie back in a bottle.”
A brief flash of him when Sky Daddy was riding him came to mind, then his lips crashing down on mine.
“Yeah,” I replied, “he’s into it.”
Marlow turned up part the way through, opening the door slowly, then slipping through, like some kind of fashion spy. He took in what Vervain was doing in one glance, then nodded in his approval before smiling as he saw me staring up at him.
“You don’t have to look quite so ‘lamb to the slaughter.’ She’s doing an amazing job.”
“And let me guess. You’re here to dictate what I wear?”
His smile grew wider.
“If you knew the pleasure that comes from dressing beautiful women, you wouldn’t begrudge me it so much.”
The comment was light, teasing, but it held a sting for me. I loved Marlow and he loved to direct what I wore, so why couldn’t I just let him this once?
“I won’t,” I replied, seeing the light in his eyes rise. “Today at least.”
He nodded slowly, obviously having expected a fight and confused when he didn’t get one. I was forced to look away when Vervain started to spritz my face, closing eyes that felt so much heavier for the weight of the makeup, but the little glow in my chest remained as she did.
A hand took mine, and the thrill at his touch told me it was my love. He rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand.
“You can open your eyes now,” Vervain said, reaching for lipstick, but I shook my head.
“Not yet.”
She nodded in response. “Well, we’re done. Did you want to see…?”
“Soon,” Marlow said, holding out a hand to stop her raising the hand mirror. “Let’s get the whole look together first. C’mon.”
He dragged me from the chair over to another side room off the main bedroom, one I wasn’t entirely sure was there before this. He opened the door to the walk-in wardrobe and then paused.
There, along the walls, was my idea of nirvana. Not a skirt or frock in sight, it was a sea of well-worn denim, both jeans and jackets, faded T-shirts that felt buttery soft under my fingers, and leather jackets I could only have dreamed of before now.
“Oh no.” I spun around to see Marlow at the door, looking down the racks. “No, no…” He turned to me and waved a finger in my face, one I was about to bite off. “No, you’re a queen…goddess…whatever now. No.”
“As much as I love it when you get all dominant…” I said with a grin, reaching out to grab a pair of jeans off the rack, but I turned when I felt my fingers close on some crisp fabric that didn’t feel like denim.
It wasn’t. Marlow smirked when I saw at least some of the rack had been transformed into elegant dresses.
“OK, you need to GTFO because it was heaven in here.”
“Grunge is not heaven. It’s the opposite of heaven. No one dreams of ratty T-shirts and old denim.”
“I do! Out, Marlow! You’re like some kind of sun god now. I don’t need a personal stylist anymore, and you’ve got bigger roles to fulfil.”
He didn’t argue with me, damn him. Just gave me a gentle smile as he drew closer, pushing a strand of hair away from my face, his lips dipping down.
“You promised.” I had. “It makes me happier than you can imagine, seeing you dressed as you ought to be.” It did, dammit. “When you let me do this, when you let me put what I know is inside you on the outside, I can share that with others, make it easier for them to see it.”
I let out a long shuddering sigh.
“I’m letting you do this because I love you, you know that.”
We were still in the flush of things, that was hard to remember with all the drama, so it shouldn’t have surprised me when his eyes widened and his smile faltered at my words.
That shouldn’t happen. He shouldn’t look so glad when my hand went to his waist, when I moved in, having kept my lips bare so I could press them easily against his. I shouldn’t hear the rapid intake of his breath, his hands grabbing me and pulling me closer. He shouldn’t be so fucking responsive, hardening so fast, so ready for me.
Because if I loved him, shouldn’t he be well sated, lolling on my bed, tugging me back down for more? He shouldn’t be so ready to dress me up, make me look lickable for another man. He should be raging at my infidelity, that’s what I’d always been told.
Instead I said, “You should fuck Aen. Whether I’m there or not.”
“And where would be the fun in that? Your eyes become saucers and your pussy gets so wet when we play. If you’re saying you want to see things go further—”
“I don’t know how to love someone and keep them happy. Like Vervain and Jen… She has a wish list of shit to try with Jen, to please her. I…I’m this rampaging bitch, and I have an entourage of dickheads trying to get into my pants. Rutherglen fucking brutalised you for me!”
“Do I get a choice in any of this?”
“Of course. That’s what I’m trying to say!”
“So ask me. Ask me what I want.”
I took a long shuddering breath, seeing his smile and feeling patronised by it.
“What do you want, Marlow?”
“I want to be in your bed every night. I want to sleep tangled up in you, with your scent in my nose and your taste on my tongue. I want kisses, so many more kisses. If you’re thinking you’re kissing me too much, you’re probably about halfway to where I want you to be.”