“Thane?”
“Do you like it?” I asked. The awe in her wide eyes and parted lips gave me hope.
“It’s so beautiful,” she whispered as she stepped in, her head whipping around as she took it all in.
“Kinsey deserves the best.”
She turned back to me. “What does this mean?”
“It means I want you both in my life. Originally, this was the first step.”
“What first step?”
“Of getting you to trust that I was in it for the long haul. That I was thinking about our future together.” I pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “No regerts, remember? I’m the bad tattoo you can’t get rid of.”
“You can’t buy us back.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” I hissed. I ran my hands through my hair, gripping the larger strands and pulling to vent my frustration. “Woman, I love you, but your stubbornness to accept my love drives me insane. I don’t want to buy your emotions. Any gifts I give are because I want to, because all I want is for you to be happy and safe, so if a fucking bracelet makes you happy, guess what? I’m going to fucking buy it because nothing makes me happier than to see you smile.”
There was no response and her continued silence was unnerving, so I just plowed ahead.
“Move in with me. Share your life with me. All of it. The good, the bad, and the beautiful. Because that’s all I want. To go to bed with you next to me. To have Kinsey stop me mid-stroke with her cries. To wake on a Sunday morning to make pancakes. I want to be Kinsey’s dad—on paper and always.”
“You don’t really want her to stop you mid-stroke,” she said. The break in resistance and the small shard of the firecracker I loved coming out sparked hope.
“Not really, but if it means you’re both with me, I’ll suffer blue balls again and again.”
“Both?” she asked, her tone a bit dubious sounding.
“You said it before—you’re a package deal. Best of all, I get a ‘two for the price of one’ deal.”
“What kind of deal is that?”
“Love. I get to experience two different kinds of love, with two different, incredible women. I don’t just love you, Roe. I love Kinsey as well. Like she is my own. I want you both.”
Tears filled her eyes and she set Kinsey down on the floor. She stepped around the room taking a hard look at everything.
I stayed where I was, watching her as I gave her some space. She stopped in front of the crib and stared at the sign of Kinsey’s name I’d gotten made.
“It’s so beautiful,” she said.
I couldn’t see her expression, but when she reached up and swiped at her face, I knew she was crying.
Kinsey made a high-pitched squeal as she crawled over to the chair where a stuffed bear sat. Using the edge to stand, she pulled herself up, then reached out for the bear. Once it was in her chubby fist she turned and called out for Roe.
“That’s an adorable teddy, baby boo.” She swallowed hard, then knelt down on the floor in front of her. “What do you think of this room?”
Kinsey fell down onto her butt and shook the bear at her and she squealed and made some other baby noises.
“Uh-huh. You think?” Roe asked like she could understand. It was adorable.
Some more gibberish, then Kinsey looked to me. “Dada.” She held up her bear for me to see.
Roe swallowed hard as she also glanced my way. “I’m scared.”
My muscles relaxed a bit, and I moved down to the floor with them. “Of what?”
“Of you, of the pain, of being disappointed again. I don’t know how to stop it. The negative thoughts are always there, swirling in the back of my mind.”
Reaching out, I took her hand in mine, and this time she didn’t pull back.
“I don’t know the future. Nobody does. What I do know is that I’ve never felt this way before and that I never want to hurt you.”
“Most people don’t want to hurt another person.”
“I can tell you what I want for my future. I want you beside me every night. I want to take you to meet my family. I want to be Kinsey’s dad, on paper, not just emotionally. I want to one day give Kinsey a sibling or siblings. I want you in my life forever. I’m not above begging at this point—please, let me love you.”
Her face scrunched up again, and she turned toward me as she reached out. I was confused for a moment before her lips crashed against mine.
All the cold and despair that had seeped in flashed out in an explosion of heat and fire that raced through my veins.
She pulled back, her hands cupping my face as her forehead pressed against mine.
“I love you so much it scares me.”
My heart slammed in my chest, and there was nothing stopping me from wrapping my arms around her and pulling her tightly to me.
She loves me. Thank fuck, she loves me.
My heart was no longer pounding. The unease inside me subsided as I held her in my arms. After the best few minutes I’d had in a week, Roe’s voice permeated the silence.
“I’ll move in on one condition.”
“Name it. Anything.” I nearly stumbled over the words I tried to get them out so fast.
“That I get to decorate it and make it feel like a home, and not a show place. I want it to be warm and inviting like this room, not cold and sterile like out there.”
I pulled the wallet from my back pocket and dislodged a card from its slot. Holding it between two fingers, I presented it to her.
“This will help. Go wild.”
She shook her head and covered the card with her hand. “How about we start off with some shopping together?”
I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers. “I love family outings.”
I was still trying to believe that she loved me, that the last few minutes hadn’t been some elaborate dream I’d summoned. It was all real. I knew it by the tingle of her lips against mine, the hard beat of my heart that matched hers, and the hard dick that was desperate to show her just how much I would love her for the rest of our days.
Finally, things were on the right path again, with my loves beside me. It felt like I could breathe again.
Days later my apartment was full of cardboard and a mile-long to-do list. I agreed to move in, and Thane was determined to “lock it down,” as he said. With my past irrationality, I didn’t blame him. The pain I caused us both was damaging, and no amount of apologizing could put it right. I had to show him how much I loved him and wanted to be with him, just as he had shown me.
Since it was Thanksgiving week, the office pretty much shut down so he suggested we both take the week off. That way I could get moved in and we could celebrate Thanksgiving with my mom at his… our place.
By Sunday, he’d already set up a moving company for Tuesday. It didn’t give me a lot of packing time, but my apartment wasn’t so big that it would really take a lot of time. I’d already packed up my clothes and all my accessories along with Kinsey’s, so the bedroom was pretty much done.
However, it was now Tuesday and things were a mess.
I stared at the stack of boxes, then looked to Kinsey. “Are we really doing this?”
She stared up at me and pumped her arms and legs. “Dada,” she cooed.