I take a look at the pile of mail that I picked up from my mailbox earlier in the day. It’s been sitting on my table and I forgot to open it. Without thought, I begin to open envelopes. Junk mail, junk mail, need to renew my driver’s license, and a fancy envelope that is new to me.
Opening the envelope, I begin to read the contents of the perfectly typed letter.
My face must look slightly cartoonish. “Everything okay?” Avery asks amused.
I’m struggling to think. “Well. I guess. I mean, I don’t know.”
“What is it?”
I look at the screen. “A year ago, I applied for a fellowship that needed vets in remote places. I was just divorced and figured maybe I could travel a bit while perfecting my skills with farm and wild animals. I never heard back from them and I just assumed I didn’t get it. They e-mailed once asking if my details could be kept on file and I said yes… now I hear from them that they reconsidered my application and are offering me a spot.”
“Why don’t you sound excited?” Avery looks concerned.
I hold up the letter. “I got a spot… in Alaska.”
Chapter Eighteen
Abby
“Are you sure you’re feeling okay? You seem pretty quiet today,” Lucas mentions as he touches my hand on the table.
“I’m fine, really. Just a little tired.”
Lucas begins to clear dishes from the table as I sit there lost in thought from earlier in the day. I was surprised to get the letter; I had assumed it was a no-go as I never heard back until they asked if they could keep my details on file. A year ago, it would have been a dream come true, but now…
“Theo is really excited for his upcoming summer here. I was thinking maybe one weekend we could go to the lake.” Lucas is busy putting dishes away in the kitchen as he speaks.
“Sounds good. That would be nice.” Actually, really nice. Renting a cabin and enjoying the lake for a few days. I’m sure Theo would love to go on a boat or go fishing with Lucas.
Romeo comes to me and rubs his head against my leg. Looking at the time on my phone, I know he needs to go out.
“I will be right back, just going to give Romeo a quick walk,” I call out as I get up and grab the leash next to my shoes at the door.
“Don’t be too long, I may have plans for you,” Lucas yells out, and I can hear the playfulness in his voice.
I throw him my best half-smile before I head out the door. The late spring night feels good on the skin. The light in the sky is heading into a sunset and the breeze is just right for the dry heat.
Romeo is busy doing his thing, while my thoughts spin around in my head. A merry-go-round of wants from a year ago and wants from now. I’m trying to find where they align or how maybe I could have it all. A year away is a long time.
When I applied, I didn’t have a dog, the clinic, Theo… Lucas.
The opportunity is once in a lifetime. It’s competitive and they’re selective, and I got chosen. Would be great for my career. Open so many doors. All the things I focused on when I got divorced. Something for independent Abby.
Lucas and I are doing great. But it’s only been a few months. What if in two years we don’t work out and I look back with regret?
Romeo woofs at me as we round the block, and when he sees our house he runs to the door. I eventually catch up and let us through the door.
When I get inside, I see Lucas sitting at the kitchen counter with the letter in his hand. I had left it out, but not intentionally. I was going to speak to Lucas about it tonight.
Lucas gives me warm eyes and a weak smile. “Congratulations?” It comes out half-heartedly as he holds up the letter.
I sigh as I walk towards him and come to meet him where he sits. Grabbing the paper from his hand, I set it on the counter. “Thanks. I just found out today.”
“So, you are going?” he asks as he looks at the paper resting on the counter.
I shrug my shoulders and let out an audible breath. “I’ve been thinking about it. But I don’t think so.”
As soon as my sentence finishes, his begins. “You should go.” His eyes flick down to meet mine. They hold in an intense embrace.
“I should?” I’m puzzled.
He swallows and grabs my hands in his. “It’s a great opportunity.”
“It is.”
“You should go.”
“You want me to go?”
“I want you to not have regret or feel like you missed an opportunity,” he says these words, all these words. But I hear the pain in them. As if a cloud is hanging over us.
“It’s a year away, Lucas. And not exactly an easy commute. Five and half hours, and that’s only the flight.”
He catches me. “So, you have looked into it.”
I nod reluctantly, and we both sigh again.
“Tell me about it,” Lucas requests as his hands find my hips to pull me close to him between his legs as he continues to sit, and I stand. My arms loop around his neck.
My eyes look to his face, which tells me he’s asking because he genuinely wants to know.
“I would be following renowned vets as they work in remote places. Relying on traditional and modern methods to save animals on remote farms. Also working with wildlife, even maybe wolves.” I begin to get excited as I speak and catch myself. “But I applied when I was alone and needed an adventure. Life looks different now.” It comes out somber because the idea of leaving him makes my heart ache.
“Then go and I will wait.” It comes out one-toned, but his eyes tell me he’s being honest.
It makes me catch my breath as I’m surprised.
“I would miss you too much, Lucas, and how is that fair to Theo?” I’m giving him my reasons for me to justify saying I won’t go and maybe I want to hear him disagree with me and say I’m being ridiculous, I don’t know. My eyes well with water as I don’t like the idea of being away from him.
His hands glide through my hair. “I’ll visit when I can, we can video call, really will need to nail down our phone sex skills.” He tries to make me smile, and I return his attempt with a teary smile. “And Theo—he’ll know you will come back and probably think it’s the coolest thing what you’re doing.”
We kiss a quick and comforting kiss. I appreciate his efforts to not make me feel like I would be making the wrong choice.
“But I also have Romeo and the clinic,” I explain.
“Romeo can stay with me.”
My brow arches. “Really?” I’m shocked as I know he tolerates the dog, but I wouldn’t peg him as a superfan.
“For you? Yeah, really.” It comes out soft before he kisses my cheek.
Still I’m reluctant. “I don’t know,” I hesitate.
Lucas moves his hands to cradle my face. His look turning serious. “Abby. Remember how we both said that we finally got to have the things we wanted because we got divorced from our exes?”
I nod my head.
“This was something you wanted. You should have it. We learned from our mistakes; we didn’t do the things we really wanted when we were married. We had to wait for a divorce to get them. That’s not us. We aren’t going to block each other, not from the things we want.”