“I think if you don’t give it a try, you’ll always wonder,” Meadow interjects.
“The thing is, he’s going to leave.” I can’t prevent the crack in my voice.
Rainey lays a hand on my shoulder. “Would you rather a day, a night, or more with Nick or longer with someone else if you knew they would stay?” I open my mouth to answer, but she puts her finger against my lips. “We’re not the ones you have to answer, babe.”
“Maris?” I whip my head around to find Kara staring at me intently. “You asked me a question. Do you remember what it was?”
My mind whips back to those dark days after Jed and Dean died. She’d just told me about kissing Jennings for the first time since leaving Alaska the first time, and I asked her, “Did you ever really get over what you felt for Jennings?” I swallow convulsively. “I remember.”
“Back at you. Did you?” Even amid close friends, it’s still possible to have a covert conversation with your best friend.
“I tried,” I repeat her words back at her. “God knows, I tried.” I certainly didn’t live like a nun all these years even if I didn’t find a man who I trusted with my heart.
“Don’t avoid the question the way I did that night. Pretend you don’t give this a chance. What will you feel if he leaves and you don’t, Maris?” Kara fires off her question.
And the answer is simple. “I’m not the same person I was then. So, I won’t be the same person when it happens. I have no doubt I’m going to be hurt when he leaves. But—”
“But what?” Meadow prods.
“But I’m stronger for everything I’ve been through. I don’t back away from fights. They’re just an obstacle to get around. But if I’m going to lose him, I refuse to lose myself in the process.”
Rainey’s wiping tears away from her eyes. “I’m kicking his ass the first chance I have.”
And I laugh, truly laugh, for the first time in a while. “You’ll break something with the first punch.”
“He’ll know I’m serious, damnit!” she yells before wrapping her arm around my waist and squeezing.
Soon, the four of us are a mess of sniffles and tears. Rainey and I are in desperate need of mascara repair when the back door slams open. Nick calls out, “Hey, Rainey, Maris? Brad asked me to check on the beans. He said we’re just about ready…” His voice trails off when he takes in our appearance. In an ice-cold tone, he demands, “Who do I need to kill?”
Then he practically jumps out of his skin when from multiple directions, “Hi, Nick!” and “Hey, Nick!” are shouted at him. Taking pity on him, I let Rainey go and move toward him. “No one, Champ. We were having a chat with Meadow and Kara.”
Nick rubs a thumb over the apple of my cheek. “You’ve been crying,” he accuses.
“Not all crying is a bad thing, Nick. Sometimes it’s cathartic.” My hand wraps around his wrist.
“Are you sure?”
“Yep. I’m—we’re—fine.”
“Okay. Well, if that’s the case, I think Brad might eat the kids soon. He’s debating if he can slather them with ketchup and mustard.”
I chuckle at the imagery. “Tell him just a few more minutes. If you were this upset over a few tears, imagine how Brad would feel if he saw Rainey.” Like my words release her from some magic spell, Rainey drops her iPad and dashes for the stairs. “See?”
He nods, a frown still marring his perfect face. I place a hand on his chest. “I’m fine. I promise.”
“I’m adding it to our list of things to talk about,” he warns.
“All right.”
“Just that simple?” he asks, wonderment in his voice.
“It is with me.” I spread my arms and twirl in a small circle. “I’m a simple girl, Nick. What you see is what you get.”
When I face him again, the heat from his eyes blasts me. But he doesn’t say more than a simple “We’ll finish this later, Maris.” And I don’t know if that’s a reminder or a warning.
I’m about to head upstairs to borrow a makeup wipe from Rainey when I hear explosive laughter from my phone and Rainey’s iPad. Oh. Shit. “You didn’t hang up?” I yell as I run and snatch up my cell.
“And miss the inferno? No. Jennings, be a love and go get me some water,” Kara calls out.
“Kody, I need a drink. Strong. No, I don’t care what it is!” Meadow yells.
Mortification suffocates me for about half a second before I admit, “Hell, so do I, Meadow, but I drove.”
“Well, that was a tactical error.” The three of us are cackling when Rainey comes down the stairs. In her hands—bless her—is a makeup wipe.
“I figured if Nick already saw you like that, you didn’t need a full…why are you all laughing so hard?” she demands.
Dinner is delayed again during the retelling of what just happened. Rainey’s knees give out where she stands, unable to speak. She just points at me and gapes like a fish. Thankfully, the next time there’s a scout that comes in to check on the delay of the beans, it’s Brad who walks in the door. Otherwise, we might still be trying to find our sea legs.
But as someone who knows the difference between the two, I’m so glad I lost them due to laughter instead of pain.
Maris
September
“Growing up by the sea, fishing has been a part of my everyday life. I just never gave any thought to the fish they caught until I watched the hope drain out of my sister’s eyes. Now instead of animated, they’re dead like the fish. What can I do?” - From the journals of Jedidiah Smith.
“Smith’s Brewhouse. This is Maris. How can I help you?” I answer the phone on the headset. I’m standing on a ladder taking inventory in between the lunch and dinner crowd. Muttering to myself, I wonder, “How many toothpicks can humans go through? I just reordered these,” as I place another order.
“Hello, Maris, it’s Rona Gustofson.”
And I immediately fumble my iPad to the ground. Thank goodness I sprung for the industrial cover. “Hi, Mrs. G. How have you been?”
“Lovely, dear. And yourself?”
I swallow my panic and try to replicate her calm demeanor. “Well, thank you. I got to spend some time with some friends over the weekend—including the Lis.”
“That’s good. I’m glad you’re so close. It helps to have another foster family to guide you through the process. I wanted to let you know I have to come by to do some additional checks for the home study.”
“You do? I mean, not that I mind, but can I ask why?”
“Of course. In this case, I’m glad you did. Based on your home’s registered floor plan, there should be additional outlets. I need to validate those aren’t a fire hazard.”
I frown in confusion as I brace myself against the ladder. “Not to question you, Mrs. G., but I’m pretty certain you checked all of the outlets.” And the extinguishers. And the distance of the toilets from the sinks. And a whole list of other things that made me wonder if I was going to have to bribe Kody to renovate my home if I don’t pass inspection.