I snarl at him.
“You two have an audience, Nick. It’s done. Work it out some other way.”
My head snaps up, and all around me are little faces of the kids I mentor—kids who I’ve avoided ever since I returned because they remind me of what Maris wanted more than me.
A family.
God, what the hell am I doing?
I roll off Oliver. The two of us are both breathing heavily. Tatum waits a moment to make certain we’re not going to attack each other again before he bounds out of the octagon. “Okay, kids. It’s time for jump rope.”
There’s a loud cheer. Lots of sneakers take off after Tatum. “Remind me to give him a bonus,” I mutter.
“Why?”
“Because he’s right. I never should have stepped into the ring.” I roll into a sitting position and groan. I have ten years on Oliver, and right now I feel every single one. The worst of them on my heart.
I’m about to open my mouth to explain what went down between me and Maris when Oliver says, “I always wanted to be you.”
“For fuck’s sake, why?”
“I thought, here’s a guy who has it all: money, fame, women. The belt. But it wasn’t until we were in Alaska I realized you’d give it all away if you could have her.”
He’s right, so why deny it? I nod.
“Then what happened?” Oliver draws his knees up to rock up. He grunts. “You’re such an ass. Was the kidney shot necessary?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because you pissed the shit out of me.”
Oliver accepts that before turning back to discuss Maris. “Why did you let her go?” he asks again.
My laugh could cut the tape off our hands with a single slice. “Try the other way around. I wanted—want—her here so bad, my soul aches.”
“And she wanted…”
“She chose someone else.”
“Who?” I’ve obviously startled Oliver.
Quickly I recount the process Maris has been going through to foster, then adopt a child. God, maybe she has by now and I don’t know it. My email has remained eerily quiet, and I’ve checked it daily hoping to hear any news about her. But it remains stubbornly silent.
Oliver absorbs my words a moment before leaning over and whacking me upside the head. “Do you want to go another round? If we lose Tatum and the kids, I’ve got more than enough juice in the tank,” I warn him.
“It amazes me that a man who retained as many brains as you—despite the head shots over the years—is so dense.”
“Wait. What?” I expected Oliver’s support, not his condemnation.
He claps a hand on my arm—whether in support or to restrain me, I’m not certain. “It’s pretty obvious to me just from what you’ve said she wanted you to stay. But did you ask to? Did you give her a reason to ask you? Or did you just assume with the same arrogance you’ve done everything else in your life that she’d give up everything and follow you?”
I don’t say anything, which is answer enough. “I have so many bad memories of Alaska, Ollie,” I confess.
“Is she woman enough to help you make new ones?”
I snort “If you doubt that, you don’t know her. You should have seen the two of us at…” The grin pulling at my bruised face begins to fade as the implications of leaving Maris finally set in. “What did I do?”
“I don’t know. What did you do, Nick?”
I don’t bother answering. I’m too busy reliving all the moments with Maris while I was in Juneau none of which sparked my fury over my childhood.
Coffee at Warm Up.
Talking at Jed’s grave.
The barbecue in the Meyerses’ backyard
All the time at her house.
Spending time at Eagle Park.
Eating king crab like it was going to disappear from the planet.
No matter where we were, she never hid from me the very things that would make her soul complete—love and a family. In fact, didn’t I resent she wasn’t looking to include me in her future? And then I broke both of us by leaving.
“I’m such a jackass.”
“At least we’re all in agreement. The question is how do you fix this?”
“I don’t know if I can.” My voice is hollow.
“Bullshit. You’re the Champ.” He smacks his hand down hard on the mat beneath us.
“I would give up everything I have, everything I am, to be with her. If you don’t think that, you’re still recovering from that elbow to the chin.”
“Then let’s get changed and figure it out.” Oliver’s eyes are gleaming like he’s just spotted the best recruit of his life.
I tilt my head slightly. “What are you thinking?”
Hours later, and after begging Charmaine to get us sandwiches, it’s all done but the paperwork.
Now, I just have to get to Maris.
Figuring I’ll call the Meyerses to soften things up, I try Brad first. He immediately picks up. “What’s going on?”
My fingers are clicking as I check out flights. I sneer at the limited choices because of the winter season setting in. “I’m flying to Juneau early next week. Are you going to be there?”
“No, sorry, buddy. The kids are on a break. We’re escaping to Florida to go out on the boat.”
“Oh. Damn.” There goes my idea of having a buffer.
“Listen, I’m not sure why you’re coming…” Brad starts.
I pull the device away from my ear. “What the hell do you mean? I’m flying to see Maris.”
“Are you insane?” Brad’s voice is so pleasant, I have to process his words a few times. “You need to stay as far away from her as possible. What you did to her, leaving without a word, was brutal.”
“How is she?” My voice aches with regret.
“Hello, numnutz. Are you even listening? She—uh, nothing, honey. No, just telling Nick about our trip to Florida and how we expect brutal weather.”
While I mentally applaud Brad’s save, I know there’s not a chance of him giving me any information. “I’ll find out when I get there, then.”
“Listen.” His voice lowers. “Don’t come here. Try Jennings.” Brad then hangs up the call.
Immediately, I dial Jennings. He picks up on the second ring. “I will not tell you how Maris is. Other than a phone call to tell me she made it safely, I have no clue anyway.” He immediately hangs up on me.
“Thanks for noth—” My body locks. Immediately, I turn back to my computer and begin searching for direct flights to Jacksonville, Florida.
I scan the flights and find one that I can make after I sign the papers that make Oliver a partial owner in Razor in two days. I want that done before I go to Maris with my hat in hand. She needs to know how serious I am about being a part of her life—part of her everyday life.
In Alaska.
Maris
“Jennings?”
“Hey, Maris. What’s going on?”
“I just wanted you to know I’m here.”
“Here? At the house? The gate guards didn’t call anyone in.” I hear the disapproval in his voice.