I let my silence speak for me. I can’t let myself believe his words.
“That’s what took me so long to get here. I was making plans to sell part of Razor to Ollie so I could move back to Juneau to be with you.”
I had been holding myself away from Nick’s touch, but at his words I literally turn into a statue. He smooths a hand over my shoulder, and I don’t try to pull away. “What?” I croak out.
Jennings moves into my line of sight. “I know you’re furious with him right now—God knows you have every right—but I need you to set whatever this jackass did aside. You promised me you would answer.” His voice is accusatory.
“You called?” My brain is still muddled between sleep and Nick’s touch.
“Oh, only like twenty times in the last hour. And I got scared when you wouldn’t answer. Kara’s in labor, Maris. I was on my way but took a detour so I could get your ass. He”—he jerks his chin where Nick’s still behind me— “arrived at my front door right before Kara’s water broke. When he realized where I was going, there was no way to shake him.”
“Why bother?” The words come out choked.
Nick makes an anguished sound behind me matches the one Jennings is making in front of me. Nick buries his head against my back. I feel wetness seep through my shirt as Jennings says quietly, “I think I’ll let him explain that to you. I have to head to Kara.”
I shake my head frantically.
Jennings pushes to his feet from where he was squatting in front of me. “You’re our family, Maris. You’re our sister, our friend, our glue. You’ve been there for all of us through everything. What makes you think we wouldn’t be there for you when your heart’s hurting?”
“Nick’s yours,” I counter.
“Nick’s ours too,” Jennings agrees. “And a very smart man once told me a long time ago, ‘I’ll be watching from much higher.’ Now how do you think that man would react to me letting down two of the people he loved the most in this world?”
Nick’s words are for me alone. “He’d kick my ass from here to next week, Sunshine, and don’t try to tell me he wouldn’t. And that’s after he declared I still wasn’t good enough to be yours.”
I start to tremble. I try to twist, but Nick has such a hold on me I can’t move. So, my whispered words are to both of them. “Let me go.”
“No, Maris.” Nick’s voice holds a note of franticness I can’t quite decipher.
“I have to get cleaned up and go help deliver a baby.” I turn and give him my dead eyes. “Then…”
He loosens his arms. “Then,” he reluctantly concurs.
I slide from the bed and wobble a bit. Getting my bearings, I go to my still-packed suitcase and yank out some clothes. I’m heading into the bathroom when I hear flesh connect against flesh. Briefly, I wonder how Jennings is going to explain that to Kara. Then I still when I hear Nick’s voice. “You had every right, Jennings. I won’t even stop you if you want to take another shot.”
No, it must be hunger causing me to hallucinate. There’s no way Nick “the Champ” Cain just allowed someone to take a potshot at him. “First thing on the agenda, a shower. Then, raid the minibar,” I mutter as I enter the bathroom.
Then I close out reality for just a little while longer while I clean up in order to be there for the miracle my best friend’s about to bring into the world.
Half an hour later, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, I exit the bathroom feeling much more stable than I went in. I stop by the minibar and grab myself a large bottle of water, M&Ms, and cheese crackers, ignoring the price tag. I need food and I need it now. “The shuttle can get me to the hospital.” I step out into the main part of the room and begin rooting around in my suitcase for a pair of socks, sneakers, and a light sweater.
“There’s no need for that, Maris. I’ll drive you.”
I whirl around at the sound of Nick’s voice coming in from the balcony. Involuntarily, I take a step back away from the hurt that wells up inside of me the moment he steps toward me. “Why are you still here?”
“God, after everything, it kills me to hear you ask me that.” He reaches a hand out to touch me.
“No! You wasted your time coming here. Just…go. Live your life. Be happy. I am sorry though. You sold that part in Razor for nothing.” I whirl around and drop to the bed to begin pulling on my socks and shoes. I need to get to Kara before she has this baby.
“That’s not true. You’re worth it.” Nick sits next to me.
I shake my head vigorously. “Do you understand what happened after you gave up on me? On us?”
His breath hisses out between his teeth before he says, “Tell me.”
“It all was for nothing, Nick.” I laugh humorlessly as I jerk my arms through the sleeves of the sweater. I shove my head inside and pull it over my head before jumping to my feet. “Absolutely nothing. The social worker came to the house and told me here’s a stack of children, but you can’t have the one you started this process for. It was all for naught.” I start to move away so I can grab my purse when the next thing I know I’m flung back on the bed.
“It wasn’t for nothing. I won’t have you say that.” Nick’s dark brown eyes bore into mine. “There’s a child or children waiting for us to adopt him or her. This was just a setback, Sunshine. Besides, you needed me to get my head out of my ass.”
I shove at his chest. “Don’t. Don’t you dare say that to me. There is no…” But before I can get the word “us” out, Nick presses his mouth to the one place I can’t ignore.
My heart.
Up close, I can see Nick looks as awful as I do. He’s lost weight and there’s hollows beneath his eyes, which are red-rimmed. The punch Jennings took at him is causing a lump at the side of his jaw. But it’s the listlessness and pain in his brown eyes that’s a reflection of what’s been in my heart. Damn him. How am I supposed to hate him when he’s taken as many hits as me and still is willing to lay his heart on the line for me?
I can’t.
We have more than a few issues to work through, but I can’t think of a couple that’s in love that doesn’t. My heart speeds up as I lie beneath him, each word he says piercing holes in the fog I’ve been living in.
“I swear, Maris, I will fight harder to heal this than I’ve ever fought for anything in my life. I don’t care if it takes me another twenty years to get you to believe me.”
“Damn you, Nicholas.” Tears begin to pour out of my eyes. “You made me break the bowl.”
He lifts his head. “I know Jed left it for you, but it was just a…”
“I set all the pictures on fire.”
“You did what?” His eyes widen incredulously.
“And I burned all of his journals. I didn’t want to have his words if they had anything to do with you.”
His head falls onto the bed, muffling his self-directed profanity. When he finally lifts his head, they’re wet. “There’s no way I can ask for forgiveness for fucking this up. Is there?”