But I am. I must be.
“Is she awake?”
This time my eyes snap open as the door opens and a stranger appears. The only thing I notice is that he’s a man and that’s all I need to know my slice of heaven has turned into hell. Screaming, I dig in my ankles and push myself back, holding out my hands to ward him off.
“Don’t touch me,” I beg.
“Cat.” Finn’s voice is firm. “Cat. It’s alright.”
But it’s not.
“Cat, calm down, you’re going to hurt yourself.”
“Ms Beeswick, Catherine. You’re safe,” the stranger’s voice says, but I barely hear him over my own keening.
This is another torture, making me think I’m safe, when it’s a trick and he must be here to use me. Finn? Well, my subconscious must have summoned him up, if he’s here, it’s his spirit haunting me.
“Stormy, I’ll need to sedate her again before she hurts herself.”
Now there’s more than one man holding me down, a prick in my arm, and darkness descends once again.
Next time I’m aware of anything, it’s two people talking. It’s Finn’s voice, I’m sure. At least his ghost hasn’t left me. But the other, speaking in clipped tones, in a British accent, is a voice I remember. She was the devil who’d pretended she’d come to save me.
Again, making no sign I’m awake, I listen carefully.
“I don’t know what to do, Swift.” He sounds agonised.
“She needs time, Stormy. Christ, that place where she was kept… I’m not going to lie to you, it was bad.”
“She must have fought,” Finn replies, his voice breaking.
The woman snorts. “You think? Yeah, the bruises on her face, the lash marks on her back. She didn’t give in easily.”
“Tell me he’s dead, Swift.”
“Already told you that.”
“Tell me you cut off his dick and fed it to him.”
The woman barks a soft laugh. “I would have, but we had no time for such pleasures. I gutted him, Stormy. Best I could do in the time frame.”
“I should have been there.”
“Maybe,” Swift replies. “But she was in pain and terrified. She might have been the same with you. We had to sedate her, we’d have never got out otherwise.”
Finn chuckles softly. “She do that?”
Swift again does that unladylike snort. “Yeah, she got a lick in. Maybe I should teach her some self-defence. She’s certainly got the basics down.”
She’d teach me to fight? That doesn’t sound like anything the master would allow.
“She was still out of it when you got here. What the fuck did you give her?”
“We thought it would be better keeping her under until she was back. I was in communication with Doc, I knew what I was doing.”
“She was out of it when she came around just now. She freaked when Doc came in.”
“Give her time, Stormy. That’s what she needs. It’s a lot for her to process. She’s been ripped away from her life, sold, abused, and now she’s back. It will take a while for her to feel safe.”
My face starts to throb whereas last time I awoke I felt no pain. My back feels sore. Can I believe the words I’m hearing? I’m a nurse, I know a sedative could have dulled the pain. Are my ears working properly? Am I really safe?
Chancing opening my eyes, I turn to the side so I can stare at Finn. He looks such a mess it’s hard to believe he didn’t die. Then, I turn the other way. I don’t remember seeing her before, but the purple bruise on her cheek would suggest that I have if I can believe what I just heard.
Noticing me looking at her, she smiles. “Welcome back.”
“Cat?” I feel the bed dip, and turning back see Finn’s out of his wheelchair, bracing the arm that’s not in a cast on the mattress and leaning over me. “Cat? It’s me, Finn.”
His hand hovers over my face, but I turn away.
“Cat, I’m so fuckin’ sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” I turn back, swallowing. “This is because of what I did for Weston.”
“Nah, sweetheart. It happened because Gun found me with you.”
At last I realise I’m in the land of the living. And that Finn is too. I gaze at him in wonder. “I thought you were dead. He told me you were. He kicked you to prove it.”
Finn winces, but it’s Swift who answers. “Technically he did die, Cat. Twice. But nothing can keep his stubborn ass down.”
He died?
I turn to look at him in time to see him scowl at Swift. “I’m here, now,” he tells me, reaching again for my hand. But once again I pull it away, without even knowing why.
Could it be I blame him after all? But if I hadn’t met him, I’d already be dead. But not subjected to this living hell and memories I’ll never be able to get out of my mind. Or, is it because I feel so damn dirty? Or pre-empting his inevitable desire to walk away once he knows the kind of things that I’d done, more rightly what had been done to me.
His face hardens, and he glares at his hand before lifting it away from me once more.
I try to shift position, but wince.
Swift stands. “I’ll go get the doctor. You may need more painkillers now.”
“I’m okay,” I say fast. I can’t have a strange man in the room, not when I freaked earlier. And certainly not one who’d want to poke and prod me during an examination.
“Cat,” Swift sits back down, her features softening, “Doc’s asked a colleague of his to step in. He thought you’d be more comfortable with a woman. Can I go get her now?”
A short time ago I was imprisoned, without any control of my own. Then I truly believed I must have died. Now, it seems I’m very much alive, and I appreciative for once, it appears I’m being given options.
“I’ll see the doctor,” I agree at last. My eyes follow Swift as she gets up and leaves the room.
“Don’t worry,” Finn says quietly. “I’ll stay here with you, Cat. I’m not leaving you.”
Widening my eyes, I violently shake my head. “No, Finn. I don’t want you to hear what the doctor says.” He can’t stay. There’s no way I want him to hear the questions I’m going to ask. He knows the headlines, that’s enough for anyone to deal with. The detail is something I’ll have to cope with by myself.
“You need me with you,” he insists.
“In that case, send the doctor away. I’m not talking to her in front of you.” Can I insist? I always thought I had control over my destiny until it was taken by three men. Weston, then Gun, then the man who introduced himself as my master.
I hadn’t realised my voice had gone shrill, but Finn’s backed away. “Hey, I don’t mean to upset you. I just thought you’d like my support.”
I force myself to be calm. “You’ll support me better by not staying.” I try to sound firm, hiding that inside I’m screaming like a little girl. It will break him to know what’s happened to me, hell, I can barely deal with it myself. “Where am I?” I ask, suddenly realising something is amiss. If a doctor’s on standby, should I be in a hospital? Not that I’m grateful I’m not, it suggests that my thoughts of a little while ago were way off the mark and I’m not in danger of dying.