“Gun did this to you. And sweetheart, I promise, he’s going to pay.”
“But it won’t make it better.” She shudders and I know it’s in an effort to stop her tears. She straightens her shoulders. “If you’re staying here, is there somewhere else I can go?”
She’ll be going nowhere. She’ll be sleeping in my bed whether I’m there or not.
“Cat—” I open my mouth to tell her.
“I don’t want you here, Finn. I need to get my head straight. I was, I was thinking of going home.”
“Not while Gun’s still in the wind.” I hate having to remind her. “If that’s what you want, just stay until I’m healed and I’ll come with you.”
“I don’t want you!” she cries. “Can’t you see it’s over?”
My gut rolls, and I pray she doesn’t mean it. My voice though, is patient. “No. Nothing’s changed my feelings toward you. Cat, you’ve dealt with things no woman should ever have to, but you survived. I’m fuckin’ sorry I couldn’t get to you sooner…”
“You died, Finn. That’s what Swift said. You fucking died. It was pure luck Gun didn’t actually kill you. As for me, if it hadn’t been you, Gun may not have taken me. I’d have told him about Weston, and he’d have left me to get on with my life.”
I have no defence for that. We’re going around in circles and my leg is aching now. I sit on the bed and rest my chin on my hand. “If you want me to give you some space, I’ll go, Cat. On my part, I’d rather we work this through together.”
She remains standing, her body rigid. “I may have an STD, Finn. I may be pregnant. My treatment, what I do, is up to me to decide.”
“We’re a team, Cat,” I tell her softly. “It’s not just the good we share. It’s also the bad. If you need ongoing treatment, I’ll be there beside you. If you’re pregnant, whatever happens, that’s a decision only you can make.”
“Is it?” she asks, equally quietly, but hers is deceptive. And fuck, her hand starts beating her stomach rhythmically. “If there’s something growing in me, I want it gone. Would you be happy with that? Or what if I decided to keep it?”
“That’s up to you.” I inject strength into my voice. “I’ll be whatever you want me to be. A partner, husband, father, if that’s what you want.”
“How could I have a baby fathered by one of my abusers? How could I look into its face and not see the man who sired it? How, Finn? Tell me how?” She’s screaming now.
I’m fucking this up. I should be calming her down. Struggling upright again, I risk laying my hand on her arm. “You don’t have to decide now. We take one fuckin’ day at a time. If you want me to sleep elsewhere, I will. If you want me to hold you through the night, I’ll do that. When we know what we’re dealing with and you know what you want, I’ll be there, supporting you. With you. Because you’re still my woman, and no one can ever come between us. Not even those abusing fucks.”
33
Cat…
No one can come between us.
Those words from Finn ring in the air. My eyes widen as I realise he just doesn’t get it. Someone already has.
I’d let my mind drift while the doctor was examining me, but it hadn’t gone anywhere good. Though her touch had been gentle and professional, it still made me freeze up. The thought of a man, even Finn, touching me intimately makes me feel physically ill.
After she’d left, I’d tried. Fuck, I’d really tried to summon up how Finn could make me wet simply walking into the room, with a cock of his eyebrow raised in suggestion, or even the sight of his bare skin. The feeling of his dick pressing into me was one that I previously thought I’d never get tired of.
I’ve come to the realisation that I’d never again look at him the same way. It isn’t fair leading him on. He might think he’ll wait for me, but he’ll be waiting forever. My house is still mine, though I’d arranged for it to be sold, I’m not aware I’ve been asked to sign anything. I’ll go back, be comforted by the ghosts and fill my house with pets who I’ll lavish all my affection on.
If I avoid men, maybe I’ll be able to forget this episode. I know I’ll never move past it. Shuddering, I think how much I don’t want to be near a man’s dick again, even Finn’s. However long he thinks he’ll wait for me, it won’t be long enough.
What if I’m pregnant? What if I’m left with an STD that can’t be totally cured?
It wouldn’t be fair to drag Finn down with me.
I want to go home.
According to Finn, I might not be safe there. What if Gun knows I’m free and comes after me again? He’ll be after Finn, the one who got away, and how better to get to him than to use me.
“I don’t want to stay here.” Here being the clubhouse, here, being in his room.
“You can’t leave,” Finn speaks patiently. “You know the risks. Until we catch up with Gun and discover what’s behind this, it would be crazy for you to go. You must know that, Cat. Here, we can protect you.” He glances down, shakes his head, then looks up with new resolve. “Well, the club can. If it’s me upsetting you, I’ll go. The club will look after you, whether I’m here or not.”
The thought horrifies me. “But that would mean you’ll be in danger. Gun will want to finish what he started with you. You’re in no state to take him on.”
A mirthless snort comes from his mouth. “So, you can’t leave, and I can’t go. Seems we’re both stuck.”
My sore muscles make themselves known as I pace the room, trying to make myself think rationally. Being kidnapped and sold once was bad enough, but I wouldn’t survive a second time. And that’s if Gun wanted to take me alive. While my first impulse is to put as much distance between myself and Finn as I can, how could I survive looking over my shoulder all the time? Even Finn who’s had training was still caught out when his former teammate came knocking at my door.
It’s safer for my body to stay.
But not for my heart. Even now I can’t bear to look at Finn. Deep down I know it’s because I love him so much, but I can’t see how I could lead him on. I’ll never be the same woman again.
“Stay, Cat,” he pleads. “Or, at least, before you make up your mind, give the club a chance.”
“How do you know what your club will do?” My mood swings and I want to hurt him now. “They might kick you out, and what will happen to me?”
“You’re right, they might. But you don’t know the brothers like I do, Cat. Be assured even if they turn me loose, they’ll do everything in their power to keep you safe. They’ll never turn their backs on a woman in trouble.”
I eye his room. It’s bare, no personal effects. But I remember he’d been a long time on the road, nomad he’d called it. I suppose he hasn’t really got a home, though he fitted into mine. I stifle a sob as I remember our dreams, a home, maybe even a family in time. A man to be at my side, when maybe I was born to be alone.
“So what do you propose? I stay here?” I gesture around. “You don’t even have a television, Finn.”