Kringle whimpers, and I brush a few loose tears away.
I close my eyes, and soon I’m taken back to when we were children, playing at a park, I can feel the warmth of the sun, I can hear his laughter, but there are fierce grey clouds rapidly approaching. I run from him, but he pulls me back. It starts to rain; there’s thunder and lightning, and I’m scared, but he holds me tight in the hideout he made for us. Then there’s a bright flash of lightning, and he’s gone. I search for him, but he’s vanished.
I’m awoken by Liv’s voice reverberating off the walls in our house.
“Where is she?”
I can’t deal with her right now. I’ve had enough today.
“Presley! Where are you?
She barges into my room and I throw a pillow over my head.
“Why are you yelling?” I muffle from under my hiding spot before she yanks the pillow off my head.
“I wouldn’t have to yell if you just answered me the first time.”
“I was sleeping.”
“Why did you leave?”
“Liv, you know why I left. I couldn’t stay there and watch them.”
“Presley, I’ve known Robert for a long time, and believe me when I say this, but you are the best thing to ever happen to him; his mom wasn’t lying when she said that. And now, when he unknowingly needs you the most, now is not the time to hide away in your room. Get up! I am not gonna sit here while you let some skank steal your man. You’re gonna fight for what’s yours.”
“Liv, he has no idea who I am. You didn’t see his initial reaction to me. I scared him.”
“Yea, well in all honestly, you scared the shit out of me too. You looked like crap.”
“That’s not what I meant, Liv. You heard him; he doesn’t know who I am. He thinks Heather is his girlfriend. You saw the way he kissed her.”
“Correction, the way she kissed him.”
“Whatever! Potato, patato.”
“So what? You’re just gonna give up then? Let Heather win?”
“It’s not a contest, Liv. I love him, but I can't hurt him. I can't force him to remember me. He has to do this on his own. He has to want to remember me. He has to choose me again.”
She pinches the bridge of her nose and closes her eyes. “Are you really choosing now to grow a conscience and not interfere with your own love life?”
I shrug my shoulders.
“After you left, Trey and Marcus tore into Robert about what a dick he was to you. Marcus kicked Heather out and told Robert how she has slept with the entire baseball team. Obviously, Trey, Robert and a few others were excluded, of course.”
“And how did it go over Liv?”
“He was pissed, but who cares. He’s confused, Presley. It’s like the last seven months of his life have vanished. Sure, he remembers ball and college offers and everything you weren’t a part of, but the important parts are gone. Imagine what he must be going through.”
“Exactly, Liv. Imagine waking up and a big chunk of your life is missing. Then imagine people telling you about your life, you don’t remember actually experiencing things for yourself. Great moments you have no recollection of. Then imagine what you believe to be real, what you trust to be fact, imagine being told it’s all a lie. You’re pissed, defensive, and closed off to everybody. Forcing him to remember isn’t gonna help him. It will only hurt him. I can’t hurt him. He has to remember on his own.”
“So, what are you going to do then? What is your big plan to get Robert and Presley back together?”
“I don’t have a plan, Liv.”
“Well, your plan sucks, and I don’t accept it. I will not let him forget you, Presley. You will get your butt to every practice, and every game, you will make sure he sees you every damn day at school, and on the weekends, you’re coming out with us. No questions asked.”
“Liv, I’m sorry, but I need to do this on my own terms, and if he doesn’t remember me, if things don’t work out for us, then you have to be okay. Maybe this is for the best, Liv.”
God, I sound so defeated. Do I believe any of what I’m telling her? Partially, but then the other part of me wants to get down on my hands and knees and beg Robert to remember me. I want to spew all these facts about us to him in hopes something will stick out, but I can't. I need to keep myself strong in case he doesn’t remember me, in case I need to start over.
“Excuse me! You honestly don’t believe the load of bull that your spewing, do you?”
“Maybe I do, and maybe I don’t, but Diane made it very clear she doesn’t want me following Robert. She thinks I should go to South Carolina.”
“Pres, do you have any idea why she said what she did?”
I shake my head, we never made it that far before I took off.
“She followed Robert’s dad into the military right out of high school. She didn’t know how to stand on her own when she really needed to. And though she knows her son is nothing like her husband, she doesn’t want you to be helpless like she was.”
I’m shocked at Liv’s revelation. She should have just told me everything outright. Instead, she made it seem as if she didn’t want us together. “How do you know?”
“She told everyone after your little temper tantrum in the hospital. Trey said she told everyone everything, her and Robert’s story. She didn’t want there to be anything hidden from anyone. He said she looked really hurt by your accusation, but she understood, something about you not giving her a chance to explain everything. Apparently, she wasn’t excited about calling Heather, but she knew she needed to be there.”
I stare at my bedspread and feel about an inch tall. Everything is so messed up right now. I don’t know where to even begin fixing things, and as if Liv could read my mind, she sits down next to me, my head falling onto her shoulders, and I can feel her lips on my hairline as she pats my leg.
“We’re gonna get through this, Presley. I don’t know what the outcome will be, and I may not agree with your actions, but I’ll let you call the shots on this. You know him better than anyone. We’ll be there to help when you want it and nudge when needed, but we won't force anything, even though what you’re asking goes against my better judgment.”
“Thank you, Olivia.”
“Yeah. Yeah.”
My door opens. Trey and Marcus are standing in the door frame, looking at the two of us. Both are gung-ho about getting Robert’s memory back, but Liv talks them down from the ledge. They’re shocked my only plan is to take a step back. I’ll be available to him, but I’m not going to seek him out, I’m not going to force myself on him. They both shift their weight, eyeing one another and I can sense there is something they want to say but are struggling with whether or not to tell me.
Liv senses it too and finally says something. “Will you just spit it out already!”
I laugh at her outburst, and it feels good.
“Hey, Liv?”
“What!” she shrieks
“You know you’re kinda scary when you’re mad.” The boys chuckle to themselves.
“Apparently, not scary enough if you won't do what I say.” She rolls her eyes.