“Maybe. I don’t really know where Roman will want me working. First I have to get my cut back.”
“Well, even if you’re not working there, Charlotte likes to go sometimes with Roman.”
“If you want to give it a try, I could go with you,” I tell her. “I wouldn’t leave your side the entire time.”
“Okay. I’ll think about it,” she replies. “For now, though, I think I’m ready to go to bed.” Tessa lowers her feet and stands up from the chair. “Are you coming with me?”
“Sure, yeah,” I agree as I stand up a little too quickly.
“I think I want to try letting you be the big spoon,” she says with a smile.
“I don’t mind being the little spoon,” I assure her.
“I know, but I think I may be okay with just cuddling from behind,” Tessa says when she leads the way to her bedroom.
“Are you sure? I’ll probably get hard and then poke you again…”
“Oh,” she says, stopping to grab the doorframe as she considers that. “Then let’s just stick to me being the big spoon. At least for now,” she tells me over her shoulder.
“I kind of love when you cuddle up to me,” I admit, giving her a kiss on her cheek. “It makes me feel…” I start to say loved, but I toss that word out the window. “Appreciated.”
“You are appreciated,” Tessa says. “More than you know,” she adds with a smile.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Tessa
* * *
I can’t believe I told Verek about all the things that remind me of the night I was taken. I haven’t even told Charlotte about all of my triggers, but then again, I don’t have to worry about Charlotte doing any of them, while Verek could while we fool around.
And I do want to keep fooling around with him. When I’m with Verek, I feel alive and like the person I was before, right up until something sets me off and reminds me of the worst nightmare imaginable.
So why is it that I like kissing Verek and riding him when I can’t bring myself to let Paul hold my hand?
I think it could be that I always had too much time to get in my own head when I was with Paul, and I’m afraid the past events would be on my mind. But when I’m with Verek, he has a way of ensuring that I don’t think about anything else but him and how good it feels to be connecting with him in any way, shape, or form.
Which is why I think it’s time to tell Paul at the end of our date that I can’t see myself being intimate with him ever again.
“Did you have fun today?” Paul asks when he walks me to my apartment door, Jake and Lucas not far behind us in the hallway.
“I did,” I tell him, which is the truth. “It’s been nice seeing you this weekend.”
“It’s been great seeing you,” he says. “And I’m in town for a few more days. Maybe we could hang out again tomorrow?”
“That…that would be okay,” I agree. “But, um, I’ve been thinking…”
“Yes?” he asks, his handsome face falling before the words even leave my mouth. He knows. He must know that I just want us to be friends, right? I can’t tell him like this, though, after only two dates. I’ll tell him before he leaves. It really has been nice reconnecting, and I don’t want to lose his friendship. He was my best friend for so long. Paul and I were even closer than me and Charlotte. And surprisingly, he didn’t even mention Verek today, like he understands that Verek and I are close in a way that’s different from how we are together.
“I think I would like to sleep in tomorrow,” I say, rather than drop the anvil on him now. “How about we do something tomorrow afternoon? We could go to that fifties show where they serve you dinner.”
“That sounds perfect,” Paul says, perking back up again. “Let me know when I should pick you up.”
“Okay,” I agree.
“Good night, Tessa. Sleep well,” he says with a smile.
“Good night,” I reply.
I wave goodbye to the prospects who wait to head down the stairs with Paul until I unlock and open my apartment door.
The living room is empty, the television off. Verek’s not in the kitchen either. I find him already curled up in bed in my dark room.
“Hey,” he says when he hears me come in.
“Sleeping already?”
“Tomorrow’s a big day. Thought it would get here faster if I slept through today,” Verek explains.
He doesn’t have to tell me that he’s nervous about getting his cut back.
“I’m really angry at Roman for taking your cut,” I tell him when I sit down on the edge of the mattress beside him and find his hand in the dark.
“It was just temporary,” he says, placing his palm on mine to give it a squeeze. “How was your date?” he asks, the last word more caustic than the others.
“Fine. We had lobster for dinner and then saw some stand-up comedians. They were pretty funny.”
“Oh yeah?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“You going to see him again tomorrow?”
“Yes,” I reply while pulling my hand free to run my fingertips over Verek’s broad chest and down over his rippling abs. Not being able to see them in the darkness doesn’t mean I don’t recall exactly how good he looks without a shirt on. Every second I touch him has liquid warmth gathering in my belly.
“And what do you want to do tonight, sweetheart?” Verek asks, his voice deeper like he’s getting turned on too.
“I think…I’m going to get a shower,” I tell him.
“Do you want some company?”
“Maybe when I come out, if you’re still awake.” I let my fingers trail down his stomach through the small patch of hair, lower and lower until they find the outline of his thick shaft in his boxer briefs. Just the faintest brush of my fingernails on his cock has him getting hard.
“I feel like I just drank a pot of coffee,” he replies, making me laugh before I remove my hand from his bulge.
“I’ll be right back,” I say as I hurry to the bathroom to turn on the shower, letting it warm up while I get undressed. I don’t turn on the lights in here either, other than the one recessed light over the shower. I still don’t like to see my body in the mirror, not after the first time in the hospital. I still feel estranged from my flesh and bones, like they were too damaged to ever be repaired, even though logically I know that all of those painful cuts and bruises have long ago healed. In my mind, when I touch my breast, there’s still his scabbed-over bite marks, his upper and lower teeth’s indention in my skin like the bite of a vampire. There’s still an invisible black knot on my forehead from where I tried to get away and my face was slammed into the van’s floor. And there’s still the blood on the inside of my thighs from how many violent, painful times they ripped me open.
Pulling my hair up into a bun, I try to push all of those horrible memories away to quickly wash the day off and get back to Verek, who is my one escape – mentally and physically. I know he would never hurt me, especially now that I’ve told him about my many triggers.