“Thank you for not making me feel broken. I don’t know why but I get really low and sometimes, it gets bad after something good happens. My body has the energy and I’m physically capable of just about anything but the dumbest things can feel like they’re too big. Four emails in my inbox can be as intimidating as moving four pianos and I can spend an hour staring at my computer, waiting for the will to open them.”
“Is that how you’re feeling now?” Royce asked and Grant shook his head.
“Not yet, but I can feel it gathering and building up,” he said then touched the center of his chest. “In here. I’m still a little numb from last night but I know it’s about to hit me.”
“You definitely shouldn’t worry about last night,” Royce pleaded gently. “That was the best orgasm I’ve ever had in my life and you were amazing,” he said. His eyes hovered over Grant’s lips again and it made him a little anxious. But in a kind of nice way.
“Why do you keep staring at my mouth?” He asked and a weak groan slipped from Royce as he bit then licked his lips.
“Because I know what you can do with it and it gets really hot every time I think about it,” he rasped as he leaned toward Grant and stretched his neck. “Please,” he begged softly. Grant rolled his eyes as he allowed Royce’s lips to nudge and nip at his but his stomach flipped and heat stirred in his groin. “I don’t think you’re broken, Grant. Your brain can be your worst enemy when it turns against you but you find a way to carry on for everyone else when you’re tired and hurting.”
“I have to. Chris and I agreed that raising Audrey would be our greatest adventure. We promised we’d do whatever it took to give her the perfect life. I can’t let him and Audrey down.” Grant’s vision blurred. He sniffed hard and a fat tear caused a ripple in his coffee.
“I have a feeling you’ve never let anyone down,” Royce murmured as his hand closed around Grant’s. There was a tender squeeze before Royce raised it to his lips and kissed it. There wasn’t any heat or seduction in the gesture, just support and understanding. Grant’s chest shuddered as he pulled in a gasping breath and there was a swell of delight and relief. He didn’t feel alone. And he didn’t feel broken or like he had to prove he was making progress. If there was one person who understood and truly shared Grant’s loss and grief, it was Marcy. They were thirteen months apart and nearly as close as twins and he knew Marcy felt like she’d lost half of her self when Chris died but Grant could never make her understand. She did her best to keep him company when he would get low because she believed it was mostly about Chris. She thought they could fix Grant with a little more time and a new haircut and it got tiring for him, always being a work-in-progress. But Royce didn’t make Grant feel like he needed to be fixed or that he had to pretend he was fine and it was so nice, being told that it was ok if he was sad and tired, that it made sense. Royce didn’t judge him for wanting to hide or call him a scaredy-cat or gloomy or tell Grant he had to get out and do something. Just to prove how much he absolutely got it and that Grant would be fucked, once things with the Lees blew over, Royce leaned and tapped his head against Grant’s and said: “Why don’t we fill the cooler with beer and spend the day in the pool, being lazy and pretending to be boyfriends who stayed out a little too late the night before? I’ll putter around and clean the pool and you can float and decompress and let the sun recharge your batteries,” he offered.
“You’re too good at this pretend boyfriend thing,” Grant muttered and Royce shushed him as he stole a kiss.
“The thing is, it doesn’t feel like I’m pretending,” Royce said. It was low and velvety as it curled through Grant. It didn’t sound like a lie or a line but it still felt like a spell and made Grant a little dizzy.
“I knew you’d say something perfect like that,” Grant murmured as their lips clung and Royce chuckled.
“Finish your coffee and put on your smallest thong, whenever you’re ready,” he said as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. “I can’t cook but I’ll bring you some toast and fruit salad so you’ve got something in your stomach before we start drinking. Make sure you take your pills,” Royce reminded Grant on his way out.
“Ok,” he said faintly as he watched him go. It was probably in Audrey’s instructions but Grant was both touched and a little spooked at the mention of his meds. He shook it off then narrowed his eyes at the door. “I don’t even own a thong,” he called and Royce laughed about that for the rest of the morning.
Chapter 24
This is paradise and I didn’t have to go to Fiji or the Mediterranean to find it, Royce thought as he pried off the cap and took a long sip from his beer. He worked up a sweat, testing the water and skimming the pool. Royce also watered the patio plants and picked several gorgeous tomatoes from Grant’s garden for later. He never learned to cook or take care of himself, really, but Royce delighted in the little chores and errands that took his mind away from the convoluted politics and intrigue he navigated every day in his career and personal life. Hopkins Creek was paradise and Grant’s backyard was Royce’s private oasis. His gaze went to Grant and Royce smiled wickedly as he reached into the cooler and grabbed another beer. He waded into the pool and made his way to Grant.
“You look like you’re ready for another,” he announced and Grant hummed drowsily as he shielded his sunglasses and raised his head.
“Thanks.” He reached for the beer but Royce held it away from him.
“I’m afraid there’s a delivery fee,” he murmured as he offered his lips and Grant snorted but his hand slid around Royce’s neck as he leaned closer. They kissed and Royce’s toes curled on the bottom of the pool as Grant’s tongue flicked and swirled cautiously. He groaned encouragingly as he angled his head and the kiss became urgent before Royce remembered Grant was meant to be relaxing and recharging after a draining week. On top of all the emotional excitement, they were also engaging in a little light espionage and Grant was handling it surprisingly well, all things considered. “Sorry. I love the way you kiss and it’s really hard to stop,” Royce confided sheepishly. He had a feeling Grant was rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses as he took his beer then launched himself with a strong shove off Royce’s chest.
Royce got onto his lounge and a sigh of soul-deep delight rolled from him as he curled his arm behind his head. He took a drink from his beer and savored the soft tingle from the alcohol as it merged with the warm sun and the traces of the ecstasy Royce experienced the night before. Dear God, was it good. Royce wasn’t exaggerating when he told Grant it was phenomenal. He still couldn’t believe Grant had just the one tongue. Royce whistled silently and he needed another drink as he recalled how hard he sweated and he wasn’t ashamed to admit that he drooled and even cried a little. It was that fucking good. Grant was a lot like a monk with his reserved nature and quiet, orderly life but instead of being good at meditation or martial arts, he was a master at eating ass and giving head. Royce was feeling pleased with himself for falling madly in love with someone who was incredibly good and decent but also full of surprises. Some of those surprises were deliciously naughty, especially when you considered Grant’s reticence and fatherly tendencies. You wouldn’t expect a man like him to have a tongue like a boat motor but that was just one of the many reasons Royce adored Grant. He was a trove of naughty surprises wrapped in a delightfully dour exterior and a cardigan with elbow patches.