Witnessing blood, death, violence, pain, and me leaving her alone, I’m a fucking selfish prick. “Phoebe should have come first.” The door opens and I fall in, crashing to the floor.
Tanner’s voice is a faraway noise. “Fuck. You gotta make this hard?”
Mundane, scheduled activities were my normal before divine intervention bought Ocean back into my life. It helped me cope and I enjoyed my life. Actually, enjoyed might be too strong a word, but my life was non-eventful. It was peace and quiet.
A few weeks together and now I’m floundering around unable to function without Ocean’s connection.
I laid awake night one, hoping for sleep to take me, but it didn’t.
Day two came and went. Bed was my best friend still. No communication.
Day three and no word from him again. The girls called to check-in, explaining Ocean was alone in his apartment and his parents would arrive tomorrow. Fumbling through the daylight hours, I called the shop ensuring all was well there. Staring at my cell, I hit Ocean’s number next, before I could stop my finger. With no clue as to what to say, I needed to hear his voice. But it just rang. My heart cracked a little more not hearing his voice.
Today is day four and I’m dressed and ready to work albeit midday. Structure was my way of life, I have to get it back. But it’s at a slow pace. “I’ll be in, in about thirty minutes. Bye.”
Unsure if my brothers still alive and going to jump out at me around any corner, I need to let go of the fear. Unable to do that for most of my life, Melody’s death has taught me I have to start living every day because life is way too short. I’ve wasted enough days and years.
The shop centers me, working with flowers always has. A steady flow of customers come in and I engage with them in a bright manner, while my insides are doing flip-flops. I only last thirty minutes before I go to the back and make some arrangements where no one can see me. I may have come back too soon.
“Bluebell.” A chirpy voice rings through the shop. “You have some customers.” Drawing my eyebrows together, I wipe my hands and step out to the front. A grin widens on my face. “Hey Lace and Crystal, it’s good to see you both.” Bending down, my eye contact’s lacking and I smile at Jayce to avoid their friendliness. “He’s so cute.”
“Not at three in the morning, four or five a.m. He’s a monster.” Sleeping peacefully, I pull the blanket up a little.
“I don’t believe you.” Giggling I look at them both. “What brings you down here?”
“We wanted to check in on you.” Lace eyes me up and down, scanning to ensure I’m okay. The bell on the shop door rings. Another customer steps in.
“I’m fine.” There’re too many listening ears for my liking. “Do you want to come through for a moment to the back?”
Nodding, they both follow me to the marginally larger space where I make the larger arrangements. The stroller only just fits through with some coercing.
“Sweetie, you look tired.” Crystal pulls me in for a hug.
“I’m not sleeping the best.” My hand runs through my hair. “How’s Ocean?”
“You haven’t spoken to him?”
Shrugging my shoulders, Lace looks worried.
“No, but I have only tried to reach him once. I don’t know what to say. My brother killed his sister. It’s not something you push aside.”
Lace hesitates for a second. “His parents arrive today. Funeral is tomorrow.”
“I don’t think I should go.”
Both look at me like I’ve turned a shade of purple. “Why wouldn’t you go?” Lace inquires.
Shaking my head, how do they not get it?
“My brother shot his sister.” I almost yell because am I the only one who sees there’s something majorly wrong if I go? “He killed her in cold blood. Why would I put him through more distress?”
Crystal looks at me sternly and then addresses Lace. “She doesn’t see it.”
“Nope.” Raising her eyebrows, Lace moves her head, agreeing with Crystal.
“What don’t I see?” My eyes widen and I stare at them both, questioning their statement.
“How Ocean is when you’re with him. How he looks at you when you’re busy talking to someone other than him. How he monitors every move you make when you leave his side.” Crystal’s voice is measured.
“Ocean’s fucking eyes sparkle when you are with him. His body leans into you, drawn by some invisible pull. He brought you to his place, he introduced you to his family. When you speak, he listens with his heart and when he touches you, kisses you, we see his soul reaching and taking yours.” A gentle smile envelops their faces.
“Oh.” My breath hitches. “You see all that?”
Nodding and smiling, both of them come in to hug me at once and I embrace it. They really are how I believe a family should be.
“Phoebe, Ocean needs you now.” Crystal pulls back. “With his parents in town, Melody gone, he will need you there more than ever.”
Flutters roam my stomach, my head shaking from side to side. “I don’t know if I can.”
“If you love him like I think you do, you will find a way to do this for him.” Crystal hugs me again, kissing me on my cheek and turns to Jayce. Lace does the same and they both head out smiling with a wave bye. “See you tomorrow.”
Wringing my hands together, I whisper. “Yeah, see you then.”
I know what it’s like to have no one there for you.
I didn’t want Ocean to experience the loneliness. He didn’t deserve the pain.
He’d protected me the best he could from my father and brother when I was small, if I could help him in any small way now, I had to try.
Clutching my coat, wind is whipping around my legs. How am I going to get into his apartment? I can do this for him: stand by him when he’s dealing with his parents.
Hitting Lace’s number on my cell, I hope I’m not interrupting her dinner. She answers on the first ring, her breaths are fast.
“Good timing, girl.”
“What?” I don’t understand if she’s being serious or not. “Hey. Sorry to disturb you, but is there a way I can get into Ocean’s apartment?”
“Are you here?” There’s an urgency in her voice.
“Yeah.”
“Right. Caden’s on his way down to get you, Ocean’s parents are here.”
Standing in the grand foyer, the elevator flashes. It’s not the one that says The Gem but a private one. “Damn. Not good?”
“Tanner is in there now with them but it’s anything but calm.”
“Hmmm. Okay.” I hope I help not make things worse.
“He needs you.”
Shaking my head, they keep saying it, but only time will tell. The phone disconnects and I try to imagine what the scene may look like.
Crying.
Yelling.
Physical aggression.
Words firing like a machine gun.
A family hurting one another.
So familiar but I couldn’t fix mine, what hope do I have with someone else’s?
My pulse spikes thinking about my family and how dysfunctional we were.