Ocean has a small tear escape.
My heart breaks for him. “We’ll get through this. I’ll make certain of it.” Having no clue how to achieve that, I will find a way for him to be happy again.
One tear becomes two and then more. Trying to untangle myself from my clothes, I give up. Shoulders heaving, his tears turn to sobs.
Ocean’s broken.
Curling myself behind him, I hold him around his waist. Our bodies together, his silent cries shudder through me. Keeping a tight grasp, I feel his devastation for hours.
If I can do nothing more than hold him, then I will do that.
This is something that can’t be fixed.
But with each step forward, I will be by Ocean’s side.
Warmth surrounds me, and the sweet smell of citrus brings an awkward smile to my face.
It’s been days since I’ve felt the sensation of my lips pull up. Guilt instantly swamps me. My stomach recoils and my head pounds. An ache lodges deep in my chest.
How can I smile when today is the day I have to bury my sister?
Moving cautiously, unsure if alcohol poisoning has set in, because it should have, the amount of alcohol I’ve tossed back in the last few days, I turn toward the one speck of sparkle I have in my life.
Blue eyes study me, her eyebrows are drawn. “How is your head feeling?”
“Better than it should.”
“You need to give yourself a break.” Her hand strokes my face. Calm washes over me.
“Thank you for being here.” Exhaustion consumes my body still, my limbs heavy and stiff.
A worried look crosses her smooth skin. “You don’t mind?”
“If I could wake up with you by my side every morning, I’d be the luckiest man alive.”
Her saddened eyes brighten a little. “Ohhh. Are you positive. I have been making myself sick with worry that you wouldn’t want to be near me again because of my brothers involvement.” Phoebe moves away from me slightly, dipping her head.
“That prick doesn’t get to rule your life any more Phoebe. I won’t let him. And, so you are one hundred percent certain, I hold nothing against you. You didn’t do this, he did.”
“But, he’s my…”
Moving forward, my mouth finds her lips and we connect. Both of us gentle and slow, pouring our deep emotions into each other.
“No more thinking about him or talking about him.” If I had more energy I would tell her that she doesn’t have to worry about him anymore but that requires more brain function than I have at the moment.
“I know it’s not much, but thank you for seeing me for me and not his blood sister.”
“All I see is my Phoebe and the woman who told my parents off.” A small smirk lifts my lips.
“I’ll do it again if necessary too. You know I’m here for you today and every day.”
“I know.” Rolling onto my back, I look at the ceiling and get myself together a small bit. “Thank you for last night. You can’t know what how much it means to me that you spoke to my parents like that but also that you stayed.” I cringe, thinking about how I cried myself to sleep. I can’t remember the last time that happened.
“Is she always like that?”
“Drunk?”
“Yeah and hostile toward you?”
“I only tolerate her because of Melody. It was her life ambition to keep us close but after today I want nothing to do with her.” My hands go behind my head, elbows out to the side. Phoebe moves closer, placing her head on my chest.
“I don’t blame you. You have to do what’s right for yourself now.” Her finger traces the artwork on my skin.
“I got that one because of Melody.”
“It’s beautiful.” Her cool touch shoots tingles through my upper chest. “I get the anchor is you being there for her, but what does the swirly musical notes mean?”
“Melody loved music, dancing, singing, and playing various instruments. It was a huge part of her life, we designed it together and had Tyrone ink it.”
“It looks perfect. Did Melody get one at the same time?” The contact from her body is soothing me, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to talk.
“Yeah, it said, ‘I’ll be your wings, big brother.’” Choking up, I take some slow breaths in and out. Phoebe continues tracing her finger, giving me an antidote for my hurt. “Except she used the wings before me.” Thinking of the small feather and tiny butterflies she insisted be a part of the design, I smile remembering the argument we had. I thought the feather would be enough for her first tattoo but always pig-headed, she refused and told Tyrone to ink the butterflies as well. Nearly passing out twice, she wouldn’t back down.
“Melody will be watching you and guiding you more than ever from above. I have no doubt about it.”
“Hmmm. Yeah. But being her older brother, it’s expected I’d go first. She didn’t have a chance for a family of her own. God knows she tried hard to find someone that would love her as she deserved but Melody didn’t experience true love.”
“Her life was cut too short for sure. But from what the girls have told me, she lived each second to the fullest, she was the life of parties and I can’t say she would have regretted anything.”
No truer words have been spoken. Melody was loud, excitable and everyone loved her. She had the natural flair to talk to people like she’d known them for years, always ensuring everyone around her was having a good time.
A small smile stretches, thinking of the memories.
I will miss my little sister.
Fuck, now all I’ll have is memories.
The insides of my stomach quiver, my heart thuds. “I should get going.”
“I’ll make you a coffee.”
Nodding, distance returns, thinking about my sister and her being lowered into the cold dirt soon, and having to see Mom and Dad is at the forefront of my mind.
Dressing in black is easy, about everything I own is black. Choosing an orange tie to match my orange socks, Melody’s favorite color, I drift into the kitchen and see Phoebe stirring the sugar in my coffee. My heart warms looking at her.
“Smells good.”
Walking toward me, she stops and holds my jacket lapels. Her blue eyes look up to me. “You look good. I knew Melody for only a moment, but she was proud of you, Ocean. She believed in you and your friends. She looked up to you and worshipped the ground her big brother walked on.”
“Everyone loves… fuck. Loved her.” Taking my cup, I have a few mouthfuls and compose myself.
A knock at the door jolts us both.
“You ready?” Slate comes in. “Emerald and I are taking you.”
“I’m good, I can get myself there.” Trying to feign I’m okay, I stand tall.
“I’m not arguing, we’re driving you and Phoebe. Us brothers stick together.”
Nodding my head and grateful he had thought of it, I look to Phoebe.
“I’ll meet you both there. I have my car outside and I need to dress anyway. I won’t be far behind you.”
Slate gives her a chin lift and turns. “I’ll meet you in the car.”
Finishing my coffee, I have to hold it together. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’ll walk out with you.”