“She’s beautiful,” she says quietly. I take the phone back and wonder whether or not to say thank you.
“She look just like you,” she adds tightly, then sighs. “Can you get me some water?” she chokes out. I open the refrigerator, grab a bottle of water and hand it to her. I notice her hands shaking a little. She takes a drink and puts it down as she lets out another deep breath.
“I…I want you to meet her. When you’re ready,” I say hesitantly.
Her eyes widen. “Not ready,” she replies quickly, then lifts her head up.
“Don’t they live in Chicago?” she asks, and I nod. She looks a little relieved when I tell her that but I might as well get all this out of the way at once.
“She’s coming back this weekend,” I say and whatever relief she felt a few seconds ago has disappeared.
“Are you going to pick her up?” She says the words so quickly I have to remember how to answer her question.
“No, Lauren’s going to bring her.”
Her eyes immediately narrow in on mine. “Why? Why can’t you just pick her up and bring her here?” she asks bluntly.
“Well, she’s only a year old and has never been away from Lauren that long. She’s still getting to know us,” I say as if it’s obvious. Her eyes widen.
“How long are they going to be here?” she asks sharply.
“Just for two or three weeks,” I say quickly. She runs her hands over her face.
“Have you asked her about the divorce?” she asks abruptly. I’m caught off guard. I guess I shouldn’t be. I know it’s something—well one of the first things—I probably should have talked to her about. Jenna’s definitely not going to like that it wasn’t. It’s just with so much going on…
“I’m going to,” I say firmly.
“That means you haven’t!” she says, her tone rising.
“It’s just that so much has been going on,” I try to explain. I can see her anger growing exponentially.
“What has been going on to keep you from making this a priority? Have you even found a new doctor yet?” she interrupts abruptly and I can only look away from her.
“I’ve been looking for one, but it turns out Dr. Lyce is one of the best,” I say, ignoring her searing glare.
“Have you made an appointment to see her?” she asks irately. She’s on a roll, and when she gets on a roll she doesn’t stop.
“No, I don’t know if I want to see her after what's happened,”
“Then what the hell are you doing?” she yells at me.
“I’m trying to figure everything out!” I snap back.
“What is there to figure out? If you want a divorce, you ask her for it. If you want a new doctor, you find one.” Her fists are clenched and she’s shaking. “How fucking dare you ask me where my ring is when you haven’t even asked your ‘wife’ for a divorce?” she says, thumping me in the chest with her finger punctuating each word. Her eyes are wide and full of angry tears. I realize how right she is.
“Is everything okay?” my mom appears in the kitchen, standing in her robe. Jenna’s eyes narrow in on me before turning towards my mom.
“I’m sorry I was so loud, Mrs. Scott,” she apologizes quietly.
“It’s okay Jenna, do you guys need anything?” she asks, glancing at me. I smile tightly.
“No. Chris was just going to walk me to my car now,” she says, heading for the door. “Have a good night Mrs. Scott,” she says as she walks out.. I let out a sigh. My mom looks at me sympathetically before I follow Jenna out. She’s already at her car, arms folded across her chest. She’s not in the car yet, so that means she’s not done with me.
I walk over to her and stand an arm’s length away from of her.
“You’re right. I’m just trying to make this right for everyone.” It’s dark out so I can’t really see her facial expression but if I had to guess, I’d say she’s rolling her eyes.
“You like things to be easy, Chris. You try to make everything easy for everyone. This just isn’t going to be an easy situation,” she says, closing the space between us. I take her in my arms and she rests her head on my chest.
“I’m going to ask her. I just don’t want to spring it on her. She knows that it’s going to happen. I just want to get to a good place with Caylen and her, then we can go from there.”
“It’s not springing it on her!” She pulls back and lets out a deep, frustrated groan. “You said that she was letting the past go. She knows you’re engaged to me and that we can't get married while you’re still married to her. So she’s either letting you go or she’s hoping for something different. You can’t let her keep holding on. That’s going to make everything worse!” she says frantically. “You can’t let this guy Cal control your life. Start making your own decisions.” She’s adamant and she’s right. As long as I’m married to Lauren he—Cal—still has a hold on me. His actions still supersede mine.
I’ll be her friend and she’ll see that we can be friends and have a relationship for Caylen's sake.
“I’ll tell her before she goes back to Chicago,” I say, mostly to myself, ignoring the tightening in my chest and the growing tension in my head.
“And I think I should meet Caylen while they’re here,” she says, looking up at me with a small hopeful smile. I feel good about this and ignore the earlier tension I was feeling.
Chapter 34
Lauren
Tell me what you want….
Everything…
I hate this feeling. The nervousness, the anxiousness that starts in my stomach and spreads everywhere. I want it to go away. I want to feel fine about all this, but something’s tugging at my thoughts, suggesting that I’m about to fall down the rabbit hole.
I had another dream about Cal last night. It was the first night we had ever slept together. Everything happened as it did that night except when he asked me what I wanted and I told him everything, he told me I couldn’t have it.
I couldn’t have everything and I shouldn't get my hopes up.
I woke up after that, before it even got to the good part. I haven’t had any of the good part in…I don’t even want to think about how long that’s been. What I have been thinking about is the last time I talked to Chris. How we talked for almost two hours and it flew by like minutes. It was the first time where the butterflies settled in my stomach, where there was no nervousness or anxiousness. He talked to me like a friend. I don’t think Cal and I ever talked like friends.
Just friends.
I’ve been trying to not think of Cal since this happened. I know focusing on him is the wrong thing to do but I can’t help it. Although I miss him, I am so angry at him for letting this happen, for never just telling me the truth.
Then again, this situation is pretty unbelievable. If he had revealed his condition when we first met, I probably would have headed for the hills. But once I fell in love with him, it wouldn’t have mattered. It would have been so much easier if he had just been honest with me. I wouldn’t have had those long sleepless nights worrying about him, and where he was. I would have known. Then again, Chris didn’t even know what was going on. I wonder how that would have worked out. It’s no use thinking about it now. It hurts too much. You would think it’d be harder for me to not think about him when I’m around Chris, but it isn’t. He and Cal are so different that it’s easier to believe this story when I can see the differences. It’s when I’m not around Chris that I start analyzing everything. I think about what it means when he’s not around; will he ever come back; if it was him who winked at me and called me gorgeous; did it even happened at all.