“Your dad thinks I’m a trigger for Cal,” she says quietly.
“That’s ridiculous,” I say defensively.
“Oh is it son? Because it’s been less than a month since she’s been here, and all of a sudden he reemerges” he states sarcastically.
“You don’t know if that’s true!”
“Well I do know that any relationship that causes that man to come to the surface shouldn’t exist, period,” he says stubbornly.
“William, stop it,” my mom says.
“And any person that is okay or even welcomes Cal reemerging whenever he feels like it isn’t welcome in my home,” he says, staring directly at Lauren.
“Are you kidding?” I ask him in disbelief.
“No, he’s not kidding Chris,” Lauren adds, getting up from the table.
“Lauren please. Let's just wait a minute,” my mom interrupts.
“No, Mrs. Scott. It has been blatantly obvious that he hasn’t wanted me here since we arrived. I appreciate him being so forthcoming this morning.”
“This isn’t just William's house, this is my house too Lauren,” my mom says quickly.
“Why do you hate him so much?” Lauren asks, staring directly at my father.
“We’ve been over this before. The same reasons you should hate him, and just to make it clear, I am not the only person in this room who wishes Cal never existed,” he spits.
“Son, I only say this because I love you. You’re not who she wants; you’re the consolation prize, the compromise. You said it yourself, she loves Cal, and everyday she’s going to wish you were him!”
It feels like someone has squeezed my insides when those words leave his mouth but before I have a chance to react Lauren has slapped my dad right across the face.
“How dare you! How dare you pit your son against—against himself! Chris has a condition, a sickness, but you’ve brainwashed him into believing that he’s two different people. The belief that Cal isn’t a part of him is doing more damage than anything I ever could,” she says turning to my Mom.
“I love your son. Every part of him. Being with him on a good day, a bad day, when he calls himself whoever is okay with me! I think you understand that,” she says, looking at my mom hopefully, and she returns her small smile. Then she looks at me.
“I hope that you and Cal can understand that one day,” Lauren says to me with a sigh. “I think it is time for me to leave,” she continues with a forced smile.
“Impulsive, violent, rash. Who does that remind you of?” my dad says smugly.
“You deserved that. How could you speak to your son that way?” my mom scolds him. “I don’t know what the problem is. But you’re letting this turn you into someone I don’t like very much. Grow up William,” she says before standing up and following Lauren. For a moment my dad looks like he’s just realized what a jackass he’s been.
“If she leaves, I’m going with her. Wherever she goes,” I tell him, getting up from the table.
“Chris. I don’t want to hurt you but what I said is the truth. We both know it. You deserve better than that,” he says. I walk closer to him and lean down in his face so that he understands that I mean every word that I’m about to say.
“I suggest you get on the good side of my wife and the mother of your grandchild. I’d really like my daughter to know the man I grew up with and loved. Until he comes back, stay away.”
Lauren
“I am so sorry for William’s behavior honey. He’s just afraid,” Mrs. Scott explains, holding Caylen while I frantically gather our things together. Our welcome has officially been worn out. Well, mine at least, I’m pretty sure that Caylen is welcome to stay as long as she likes.
“I’m sorry for that out there. I shouldn’t have hit him,” I say apologetically. Am I sorry for hitting William? No. I am sorry for disrespecting Gwen’s house.
“He deserved it,” she says with a sigh. “He shouldn’t have said those things to you or Chris,” she continues, sitting down on the bed. “I–I just wish that he didn’t have so much malice in his heart for Cal,” she adds sullenly.
“Me too,” I add, taking a moment from tossing the clothes into my suitcase and sitting beside her.
“Do you hate Cal, Mrs. Scott?” I ask her genuinely. She’s so sweet she could very well hate him and just do a very good job at hiding it.
“Oh honey, no,” she says with a laugh. “To be quite honest with you, I don’t see them as being different at all. I differentiated the two because it was easier for William to see Cal as the ‘bad part’ of Chris. I’ve never seen him that way,” she says, giving me a squeeze on the leg.
“The first time we officially met Cal as an adult, when I saw him, and he spoke to us, I didn’t see him as this other person. I saw my son, whatever he chooses to call himself. As a parent you don’t stop loving your children when they don’t follow the plan you have for them, or go a little off course,” she explains then sighs. “Well you shouldn’t,” she adds.
“I hope I can be half the mom to Caylen you are to Chris, Mrs. Scott,” I tell her honestly. She pulls me into a hug with Caylen sandwiched between us, so we release quickly. But thinking back to the first day I arrived with Caylen in her kitchen, wondering what it would be like to hug her, it’s everything I thought it would be. For a moment it seems like everything is going to be okay.
Like the world isn’t off its axis, like my husband isn’t torn in two.
“Everything will be okay sweetie,” she says, squeezing my hand. “I really wish you’d consider staying,” she pleads.
“I think it’s time,” I say with a tight smile.
“I guess it is,” she says with a sigh.
“It is,” Chris says, standing in the doorway. My heart jumps when I see him.
“I’ll give you guys a minute,” she says, standing with Caylen. “I’m going to enjoy every second I can with her before you leave,” she says to me as she carries her out.
“I’m going to work on your father Chris. He’s stubborn but he loves you so much.” Chris nods and gives both her and Caylen a kiss before they leave the room and she shuts the door behind her.
“My mom really likes you,” he says before sitting on the bed next to me.
“She’s been nothing but kind to me since I’ve arrived and is the best Grandmother Caylen could ever ask for,” I tell him.
“So did that go as good as you hoped it would?” I ask with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood.
“Much better,” he jokes and we sit quietly, tension starting to swirl around the room.
“About what your dad said,” I start and he takes my hand.
“I get it. I do, and how you feel about Cal, I’m trying to…I can get past that,” he says.
“I know how much you love him and I know it will take more time than it has for you to love me like that, but I’ll wait. As long as it takes,” he says, looking into my eyes and holding my hand. I should be thrilled about his declaration, it’s selfless and so Chris like but that’s not what I want. I need them to see past this it’s not some type of contest or tug of war. They are the same.