“Think Cal. What do you really remember,” she says, crying. I let out a groan.
“He shot my mother, Lauren. Right in front of me, he left me there until someone found me,” I tell her.
“Who found you?” she asks. I start to answer her, but I can’t. I don’t remember.
“Does it matter who found me?” I ask, frustrated with all of this.
“How clear do you remember that day? Cal, you were five,” she pleads.
“When your mother gets shot in the fucking face in front of you, that’s not something you forget!” I shout back.
“Is that really what happened?” she asks quietly. Her voice has a way of taking my anger down and I hate it.
“I talked to Helen while we were on our way here,” she says, slowly approaching me.
“Lauren, stay over there,” I tell her but she continues approaching me.
“That is not how Chris or any of the other alters remember it,” she says.
“Why don’t you like to drink?” she says.
“What does that have to do with anything?” I tell her.
“You, the one who lives on the edge, and indulges in all of life’s pleasures doesn’t like to drink?” she says, and I feel myself growing impatient.
“Your mother used to drink. A lot,” she continues.
“What are you talking about Lauren?”
I look back at the son of a bitch Clay.
“What the hell is she talking about?” I snatch the tape off of his mouth and he gasps for air.
“Talk and talk fast,” I growl at him, the gun still at his face.
“She didn’t used to drink. Before you were born your mom was a CNA. She got a job through the welfare programs at this big hospital in the city. She was the happiest I had ever seen her. Our family was actually doing okay…”
“You’re on a time clock,” I say impatiently.
“A-after a few months there she started having a lot of extra money. She started having these fancy clothes and jewelry. I’m not the smartest man in the world but I knew that wasn’t coming out of her check. I knew something was going on but I never said anything. She was happy, we were happy. Then she got pregnant. She lost her job but she kept saying everything was going to be okay. That we would be taken care of. After you were born whatever she was waiting on never came through. She got real depressed, started drinking a whole lot, she was only sober half the time,”
“You’re lying,” I growl at him, releasing the safety on the gun
“Listen to him Cal!” Lauren screams at me, and poor Clayton starts to cry.
“Do you want to know how we adopted you?” William shouts.
“We had wanted a baby for so long. Everyone knew it, even my estranged stepfather! Dexter Crestfield Sr. brought you to our door. He told us that you were his illegitimate son whose mother killed herself.”
“You’re lying!” I shout.
“I’m not. Call Gwen. She’ll confirm it,” he says, ushering out his phone. I look over at Lauren.
“That’s why Collin asked for a third of his company. He remembers what you don’t. He knows you’re Dexter’s son,” Lauren pleads.
No. No, fuck, no!
“Okay let's say you’re right. I’m Dexter Crestfield’s fucking son. This asshole found out she was sleeping with him and he shot her for it,” I yell at them.
“No. That’s not what happened,” Clayton says crying like a little girl.
“No Cal," Lauren pleads. Think. Please try to think. I feel dizzy, my thoughts crash together and my vision blurs.
Instantly I’m back at the house, this time she’s alive. She’s drunk. My mom... I’m on the floor watching television. She’s yelling at someone on the phone.
‘You lied to me. You ruined my life. You promised you’d take care of us. I see your little ugly fucking kid whenever they show you on the news. How could you not love ours…you don’t love him, if you did you’d get me out of this hell hole….I don’t give a shit about a trust fund for him, we have to live now. I won’t keep living like this!
I rub my temples, I feel my heart pounding.
She’s drinking more and more. Soon goes in her room. Me and two other kids are in front of the TV. I get up and open the door to her room. She’s sitting on the bed bawling.
I ask her what’s wrong.
“Nothing. I have a toy, you want to play with it?” she asks me. Her voice is so sweet and nice. It hardly ever is. I nod my head and she goes in a drawer and pulls out a gun. She kneels down on the floor in front of me. It’s heavy but she helps me hold it.
“Were going to play a game. When I count to three, you’re going to pull this, okay,” she says showing me the trigger. She then aims it at her chest.
“One, two…”
I drop the gun out of my hand.
“I killed her? I killed my mom,” my chest feels tight. I can’t breathe.
“Babe it’s okay,” Lauren says, running over to me and hugging me. I cry so hard I’m shaking.
“It’s okay babe. You were only a baby,” Lauren says rocking me like I’m a baby now. I killed my mother. I almost killed an innocent man because I was wrong. I killed her. I’m a murderer.
“I found you, in the bedroom. She called me right before it happened and told me everything. How she had an affair with Dexter Crestfield, that he promised to marry her and take care of her the rest of her life and he didn’t and that you were his son. She said she couldn’t live in squalor anymore. That you and your brothers and sisters were better off with her dead. I tried to get home as fast as I could. When I did it was too late. I figured out what had happened.” Clayton's voice explains but it doesn’t matter.
Everything I believed, that I held on to was a lie…
Except her. She’s my truth….
Authors note! Have you ever read those choose your adventure books?
No? Okay just me, hehe.
So you can continue to the final installment of the If I Break Saga, which I know you probably really want to BUT guess what?
Want to know how Will and Gwen met, and how everything went down with Will and Lisa AND what happened after everything? I suggest reading thes below BEFORE diving in. Or come back later or not at all the choice is yours.
#1 What Happens After
Part V
if i break #4
shattered pieces
Dedication
To my readers. You changed my life.
Copyright © 2017 by Porsche Moore
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the author
except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.