“I’m not hurting. Everything is fi-,”
“Everything is not fine! Stop saying that. You are walking around like a zombie! I don’t even know who you are, anymore” I plead with him.
“Well that makes two of us,” he says, walking past me and heading downstairs.
I follow him.
“So that’s it. You’re going to be like this forever? Not talking, keeping everything bottled up, acting like I don’t exist?” I ask him angrily.
“You’re going to let him ruin everything? Stop living your life based on a mistake he made. How can you let anyone have that much power over you?” I shout at him and he stops in his tracks and turns to face me.
She said to make him feel something.
Well here goes.
“Cal would never let him do that. He’d never let anyone else’s actions dictate his life or the decisions that he makes,” I say tightly, meeting his stare which has gone from indifferent to intense in the span of a sentence. His eyes squint at me.
“You don’t think he would, do you?” he says, a smug grin on his face.
“No.” I tell him adamantly.
He chuckles as if he’s in on a joke I’m not aware of.
“So you laugh now?” I ask him sarcastically.
“As much as he’s done, you still think he’s noble, that he can do no wrong,” he says, shaking his head.
“Don’t you get it? He’s not the hero in this. He doesn’t come out to save us,” he says dismissively.
“Well, right now, you for sure aren’t the hero,” I retort back at him. I see his eye twitch and he turns away from me.
Is it working? I don’t know, but at least that tone and stoic expression that’s been on his face for the past month has changed. He turns back around, his arms crossed against his chest.
“Do you want to know why he was in Ventian?” he asks, stepping closer to me.
“He told me that his biological parents lived in the area,” I say quietly.
“Did he tell you that he was looking for Clayton?” he asks sarcastically.
“If that’s his dad, why wouldn’t he want to find him?” I retort back.
“Did he tell you he wants to kill him?” he says casually, making my heart drop into my stomach.
“W-what?”
“And when I say that, I don’t mean like an arbitrary threat. I mean he’s hired people to track him down. That he’s kidnapped men he thought were him, and he is dead set on finding and murdering him,” he says tightly.
“So you see when I sit here quietly and appear to be in my thoughts, it’s not just because William had sexual intercourse with my best friend. It’s not because I want to appear anti-social, it’s because I am trying my absolute hardest, to maintain control in one of the most trying times of my life so your beloved Cal doesn’t come out and kill someone and get me sent prison!”
His words keep echoing in my head, blood is rushing through my ears. Is it true? Is this for real?
“Cal wants to kill someone?” I ask him in disbelief. He scoffs at me. Since when does Chris scoff at me? He laughs dismissively and walks into our bedroom. I try to collect my thoughts. I think back to when Cal and I were in bed together and how he talked about his mom and dad but he didn’t say he wanted to kill his dad. I feel like I’m about to throw up. I go into the bathroom, splash water on my face, and take a deep breath. I gather my nerves up and go into our bedroom. He’s sitting there, the television is on the news.
“You’re not Chris are you?” I ask him hesitantly.
He looks towards the ceiling.
“How intuitive of you,” he says dryly. My heart starts to beat faster. The moment he started referring to his dad as William I knew something was off.
Another one? A fucking other one?
I hold my head in my hand and sit on the bed. This is crazy—so crazy. I remember reading that most people who have DID have more than one alter.
“And who are you exactly?” I mumble, rubbing my temples.
“You don’t have to give me a name but if you must, you can refer to me as Collin. I’m not an attention whore like my counterpart Cal is,” he says, his posture changing in the span of his sentence. He’s sitting upright and even has a slightly different accent.
“How long have you been here?” I ask him.
“It depends on what you mean,” he says simply. Then he turns towards me.
“I am always here. I have been transitioning in and out when Chris needed me since he spoke to Lisa. However if you mean when I came to the forefront completely would be just a few minutes ago when you tried to trigger Calvin,” he answers.
“However, in actuality I am always there. We all are.”
“We? Oh Jesus,” I say, covering my face in my hands.
“How many are there of you?” I ask, almost afraid to hear the answer.
“I won’t worry you with those details,” he says, walking over to our closet. He opens it and sighs.
“Calvin isn’t one of my favorite people, but I must say I prefer his style of dress to Christopher’s. If you don’t mind, since you’re aware of the situation, can I be free from these off the rack jeans and department store t-shirts?” he asks.
“I don’t care what you put on. Why did you come instead of Cal?” I ask, watching him as he sifts through the boxes of Cal’s clothes packed in the closets.
“Calvin is the most dominant part of us. He can execute more control in most cases. Christopher lets him do so. However, with Christopher having checked out, so to speak, and you goading him as you just did, Cal was very close to gaining control, which at this moment is not in the best interest of any of us,” he says
“We can peacefully co-exist if all of our agendas are aligned,” he says.
“What do you mean, Integration”?
“If that’s what you’d like to call it. Prior to Christopher falling in love their agenda’s clashed. You have made it where they share a commonality. Christopher finding out about William sent him into a bit of a shock, again which would have allowed Calvin to transition as you all like to call it. However, Calvin's urge to kill Clayton will not work for any of us. It would destroy Christopher and none of us are interested in seeing if prison is like what they show on TV.”
I look at him, his mannerism, his expression, everything about him is so different. He seems to be a lot more sophisticated than Chris and Cal. He actually reminds me a little of Dexter.
“Would you like a glass of wine, Lauren?” he asks, with a knowing grin.
“How much do you remember?” I ask him, skeptically.
“I know everything,” he says with a quick smile.
“Everything?” I ask him.
“Everything,” he says with a wide smile.
“Chris doesn’t know everything. Does Cal?”
“Calvin thinks he does, there-in lies the problem,” he says once he’s completely dressed. He’s wearing a suit of Cal’s but it looks so different on him the way he put everything together.
“And are you going to tell me everything?” I ask him hesitantly. He walks towards me and smiles.
“I am going to help you Lauren. However, there are a few things I’ll need you to assist me with, and tonight it will require you in a nice dress and your hair to be a tad more presentable,” he says before heading into our bathroom.