“What are you thinking?” His body is stretched out over the bed and completely magnificent.
I smile at him and roll on my back to look at the ceiling.
“Nothing.” I lie holding a smile from spreading across my face by trapping my bottom lip between my teeth. The light from the window is shining in on us, highlighting his face, and his smile is beaming, his hair is messy, and he looks so much like Cal but wearing a smile like Chris that it’s scary. This man with so many faces, I have to remind myself who’s staring back at me.
“You can tell me anything, Lauren.” He smiles softly, his tone more serious sounding and more like the man I’ve gotten to know these past few weeks.
“Can I?” I ask teasingly. His hand slides down my waist, and he pulls me over to him, but just beside him, not on top. Our faces are only inches apart, but he doesn’t kiss me. My heart speeds up, and the prickles travel up my spine, in a way that only he can do. A way that makes me excited and anxious but nervous—they way one feels on a roller coaster seconds before the giant drop happens.
“You’re safe with me.” His words cause my chest to tighten. They’re heavy and serious when I’ve been trying to keep the moment light and playful. His words grab my heart and squeeze it. I bite my lip and hold in the sigh that’s trying to get out because there was a small part of me that believed that this was just about sex—a request for intimacy from me that he wanted fulfilled—but the way his eyes are looking into mine, it seems deeper than that and more real than that. It’s unexpected and terrifies me, but it’s exactly how I feel right now and a part of me hates myself for it, especially when he wraps me in his arms and it’s the best I’ve felt in a long time. The little spot inside my heart is growing and the voice inside my head I drowned out last night and this morning is saying that I should feel guilty.
“Good Morning.” When I see Raven sitting in the living room with Caylen, I feel my cheeks heat up. It’s closer to early afternoon than morning.
“Good morning.” I give her and Caylen a quick kiss. “What time did Collin leave?” I ask grabbing a juice from the fridge.
“About a half hour ago. That man sure can wear a suit,” she laughs and I can’t help but join in.
“He can, can’t he?” I joke sitting down at the table in the kitchen and she joins me.
“How did last night go?” She has a knowing smile on her face, and I try my best to contain mine.
“It was great. Really great.” I go for an honest answer, but I regret how solemn my voice sounds.
“Well, tell me about it.” She seems excited for me, and I appreciate that from her because I know this situation is extremely worrying to her. I go through the details, well the PG-13 ones.
“Wow, a gallery space,” she exclaims, this time genuinely excited.
“Yeah, I know. I was so shocked.”
“That’s fantastic, sweetie.” She squeezes my hands.
“It is, isn’t it?”
“Of course, I think it’s great. When is the last time you’ve done a painting?”
“Wow, at least two maybe three years,” I sigh sadly.
“A drawing?” she asks, and I shrug embarrassed.
“Other than a doodle here and there, about the same,” I say and she frowns.
“Lauren, you used to love it. I can’t believe it’s been that long!”
“I did, I still do. It’s just life got in the way…” I trail off knowing it’s still not an excuse.
“Well, that’s changing, right?” She gives me an encouraging nudge.
“Yeah, I hope so.”
“What’s wrong?” she asks, her expression scrunching up in worry.
“I don’t know. When I think of all the work that comes along with it…” I admit.
“It’s all good work though!”
“Absolutely.” I agree.
“Then what’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing's wrong.”
“Lauren, I know you better than that and I know that something is wrong.” She says sternly.
“I-I just wonder if it the right time with all that’s going on,” I shrug.
She nods slightly in understanding. There are a few moments of silence. “So Collin…” she starts, and I fight myself from rolling my eyes. “It was a big decision for him to purchase the space for you. And he’s working quite a bit… where?" she asks and I laugh.
“Where Cal worked.” I can’t help how my chest tightens when I say his name. I have tried to shut him out of my mind and my thoughts. I have tried to ignore the tightening sensation in my chest when I think of him. Raven’s hand slides across the table and takes mine; emotions that I’m trying to hold in the pit of my stomach revealed in the cracks of the stone face I’ve been trying to hold.
“How are you doing with all of this? Really?” she asks.
“I’m fine.” I take my hand from hers and quickly gulp the remainder of my juice, hoping to also swallow the emotions trying to rear themselves up.
She eyes me with disbelief. “Really?”
“Yes.” My comment is hard and short and from the small sigh she lets out, I hope she’ll drop it.
“Okay,” she says with only a hint of snippiness before she stands.
“I think I’ll take Caylen for a walk,” she announces huffily before leaving the kitchen area. She scoops up Caylen and heads to her room. I stare at the half-empty glass of orange juice and wipe away the two tears that fall from my eyes into it.
Chapter 24
Collin
I should have counted on this to happen. He’s impulsive, selfish, and completely unreasonable. It’s not a surprise that he’s gone quiet but that he’s been so successful at doing it, that does surprise me. I knew there would be a risk in being with Lauren, but Cal has to know that without me being his ally, he’s more impotent than Chris is. I’m the reason why he knows when Chris will take over, why he knows as much as he does. For him to shut me out, to not talk to me is laughable. He is childish, temperamental, and rash and this is the reason he can’t be the boss he so badly craves to be.
“Nothing yet?” Helen’s voice echoes in my ear.
I shift in my seat and try to concentrate more, but there’s nothing. I haven’t heard from him since that night when Lauren chose me.
“I know you’re there, Cal. I know you’re upset, so stop behaving like a child and talk to me.” I mentally shout at him in my head.
“I just need more time,” I tell Helen when I tune back in with her in our session. Her face is blank only wearing her usual neutral smile, but I can tell that she’s curious as to why this is taking so long. I’m sure the wheels are turning in her head coming up with a theory for it all before she’s even spoken to me.
“Okay.”
I’ve been tuning in trying to reach him, but I’ve had no success. I thought he’d at least try in our sessions to cooperate remembering that we’re on the same team, but again I’ve given him too much credit.