I lean forward a bit in my chair “I think I’ve been a great help to you,” I stand and fold my arms.
“You’ve been very proactive with your treatment, I’d never deny that.”
I chuckle. “What is it like being married to Dexter?” I ask, and her eyes perk up, obviously thrown off by my question.
“I’m sorry?” She covers her confusion well.
“To be someone who had so much potential? At the top of your class, a brilliant mind in your field and the day you married him, all of your accomplishments suddenly overshadowed by a family name that you couldn’t hope to climb from underneath,” I say quietly, and her smile fades a bit.
“Well, it seemed nearly impossible until Dexter Jr. let you in on our little secret…”
Her eyes narrow in on mine. “Are you implying that I have some sort of vested interest in your case?”
“No I’m not saying that at all,” I tell her as our eyes meet. I walk to the window feeling her eyes on me. “The opportunity to legitimize a disorder that so many scoff at. Or to create a new treatment entirely, maybe even something that would replace integration…now that…that could be something.”
“So I ask you again. I have been very beneficial to you, wouldn’t you say that?” I ask her and she nods, but the tension in the room has changed, and the curtain has gone up from her little production.
“I am the glue, the coach of the team, the conductor behind the orchestra, so let’s say you were looking to gain recognition or acclaim off our little problem, make the best out of our unfortunate circumstance that your brilliant mind helped fix. You’d need me… hypothetically.” I give her a charming grin.
“You can’t depend on Cal, his own wife can’t do that. Chris, well, we all know he’s about as clueless as a toddler. I would just think if I were a brilliant woman such as yourself, I’d place my bets with someone who thinks more logically than the others.”
“I think our session is up. Would you like me to extend it?” she asks tightly as I refuse.
“No, I think we’ve covered enough for today.” We walk to the door, and she opens it for me.
“I could have gotten that,” I smile at her and she smiles back her own just as charming.
“Next week then?”
“Next week,” I kiss her cheek and she squeezes my arm.
We have an understanding.
We better.
“Oh my gosh this is freakin’ unbelievable,” Angela squeals as we finish our tour of the gallery. For the past three weeks I’ve spent my days here, meeting with designers, trying to locate artists, all the fun stuff to get the gallery opened. Collin took care of the boring parts as far as paperwork, taxes, etc. It feels so good to be back working, having something that’s just mine.
“I’m still sort of in awe of it all,” I admit.
Angie is beaming and takes my hand. “You worked for this. After everything that’s been going on, you deserve it.”
It’s been three weeks since Collin brought me here, and back then it was already in move-in ready condition. Now my furniture has arrived and I have a large, sleek, white desk in my office. The actual gallery where we’ll showcase the work is sparse but the lighting is phenomenal. It should be because it cost more than anything else I’ve spent money on. Next month I’ll be opening the gallery and featuring two artists I worked with in school.
“It’s just surreal that it’s all happening and so fast.” I still feel like I’m in a dream. After not working other than freelance editing here and there since college, to be doing something I only dreamed about just a few years ago is surreal.
“But it should have happened a long time ago.” She loops arms with me as we sit on the new couch I just ordered. I smile and rest my head on her shoulder.
“I’m so glad you’re here. I missed you so much.” I squeeze her arm. I haven’t seen Angela in months, with her being knee-deep in finishing her master’s program and all of the crap that fell out of the sky on me.
“I know! You wouldn’t believe the amount of paper work I have to do for each client and with my graduate assistantship, and classes—things are insane!” She whines, but her eyes are bright and she looks so happy.
“I’m so proud of you. You’re a real therapist!”
She sighs throwing her head back into the couch. “I think I’m going to get my doctorate.” She grins at me and I laugh.
“Really Ang?”
“I don’t know. I mean I can practice as a therapist now, but my parents are hinting that they’d be thrilled if I became a psychologist and it’s their money paying for school,” she sighs.
“If you decide to, will I have to call you Dr. Angela,” I tease her.
“Of course not, honey. Dr. Fabulous would be just fine,” she says dramatically, and we both laugh and take in the moment.
“You know… that means if you ever want to talk to me about anything, I can listen and give unbiased advice. It’s sort of a requirement now.”
“You’ve heard enough from me for an entire decade I’m sure.”
“Seriously Lauren. I can’t imagine you holding everything that you’re dealing with inside. Not knowing who to tell what to. I’ve always listened as a friend, but now things are different.”
I lean back on the couch and rub my hands against my thighs. “I’m happy,” I tell her quietly.
“That’s great…” She trails off waiting for me to expand.
“I just feel so bad about it.”
“You feel guilty? Because it’s with Collin,” she guesses.
I have to give Angie credit at how casual she took me telling her about Collin, but she is a licensed professional counselor now, it could just go with the territory.
“I’m worried about Chris and Cal…. things have just been so easy since Collin has been here. He’s wonderful, but I know it’s not real. I know that the clock is ticking until a disaster happens, until…” I pause to collect my thoughts. “On the surface things are great… but beneath, I know they’re not, and it’s like, how dare I just pretend that everything is ok? I feel like I should be doing something to help them fix things,” I feel a tear fall from my eye.
“Do you think that they’d want you to be unhappy?” Angela asks and I laugh.
“You know Cal. Do you think he’d be fine with me playing happily ever after with Collin?” I chuckle bitterly.
“Lauren, you have to stop thinking of them as individuals. That’s what’s making this so hard for you,” she squeezes my hand. I stand up and walk to the other side of the room.
“But Angie you don’t understand. I know they’re one person. I get it, but when you have these personalities that look at you in different ways, who speak differently, who make you feel things the others don’t, it’s hard to feel like that. I feel like I’ve abandoned Cal and Chris.”
“Lauren, they are not all different men. They are one. They are all different facets of your husband. You are not cheating on Cal or Chris.”
“They’re not integrated yet though and until they are….” I cover my face in my hands. “His doctor said I shouldn’t have slept with them, and I’ve slept with all three of them,” I admit, feeling my cheeks heat up.