My heart crumbles, and I’m starting to feel numb all over. “Please…please don’t do this.”
“Lauren…” he says and turns away from me, and I can see he’s wavering. I latch on to him.
“No you can’t.” I’m begging pathetically, desperately, tears suffocating my words. The moment before he walked in I wasn’t sure if I could move past what happened. I couldn’t see a way, but now I realize through my anger and anxiety, there is no other way to move forward without him. I can’t see it or imagine my future any other way.
His body turns stiff and when he turns around and clasps my face in his and makes me look in his eyes, I see its Cal. I take gulps of air as if I’m drowning. I am drowning.
“Cal no! No! You can’t do this to me!” My voice is sharp yet weak, infested with burning tears.
“We have to do this, babe. It’s for you. For you and Caylen,” he says, his eyes melancholy, his tone hard and expression determined. I go weak, my body limp and he must know because he catches me before I fall to the ground and pulls me up in his arms.
“Not again, not again Cal. I-I can’t lose you again. No, I won’t. If you love me you won’t leave.” I’m crying so hard now, and I can feel his heartbeat as I cry into his chest.
“It’s because I love you….I’ll be back. I promise,” he whispers in my ear. I ball his shirt into my hands and try to catch my breath.
“How long?” I ask through a whimper.
“As long as it takes,” he responds, and I feel my spirit starting to crumble.
“I won’t ask you to wait,” he says, a quiet strength to his voice. I pull away from him, anger fueling me.
“You won’t ask me to wait? How gallant of you!” I spit angrily but it dries up in seconds.
“I don’t have a choice. I never had a choice. No other option! You took my heart the day I fell in love with you!” I cry. “How do you expect me to live without it?!” I tell him before bursting into sobs again. His arms envelop me, and he holds me, but if it isn’t for eternity it won’t be long enough. I cover my face in my hands. He kisses both of them softly.
“When I come back, I’ll be the man you deserve.” I don’t know how long it is before he’ll leave me but I know my soul is going with him.
“My parents have the information as to where I’ll be, but don’t come see me, Lauren. We… I have to get fixed.” His voice is stern but some how manages to be tender. I’m afraid to look up at him.
“Do I make you worse?” My voice stutters. His lips land on mine and they’re so soft and gentle that for a second they makes me forget about the pain and the devastation that I’m sitting in the middle of.
“You make me want to be a better man.” His arms envelope me again, and I know it’ll be the last embrace we’ll have until… I don’t know when. My entire body aches—anger, despair and bewilderment swells in me.
“I love you more than my own life… you’ll get through this,” he tells me, and I laugh bitterly as he lets go, déjà vu.
“Because I have to?” I mutter before he leaves out of the door. He stops and turns to me.
“Because I need you to.” And with that, he’s gone.
“So, here we are.”
Cal is standing in the same doorway, his arms folded across his chest, and a blank expression on his face, but I know how he’s feeling, the same way that I do after leaving the woman we love most. We’re lost, desperate and angry. We had made this deal the last time we spoke about him coming when I needed him, but I took his word with a grain of salt since he still hadn’t shared any of his memories. After everything that happened, I’m not sure if they just didn’t take or if I wouldn’t accept them, but…we share her.
“I told you that son of a bitch was off his rocker,” he grumbles. I ignore his I told you so.
“Great, so where does your I told you so get us?” I ask him. He walks over to the table and kicks a chair out from under it to sit in.
“So, what do we do now since we’re in the country club for crazies?” he asks.
“I need you to call Collin,” I tell him and he laughs.
“You don’t want me to do that,” his tone is viciously low.
“Yeah I do,” I tell him. He scowls, but after a few moments it’s replaced with a tight smirk.
“Collin… old buddy old pal. Come out, come out wherever you are,” he calls, amused after a few minutes.
“Did you really do it?” I ask him annoyed, and he scowls.
“Didn’t you hear me?”
There is an eerie stillness in the room and the lights flicker.
“I’m here.” We both turn, and see Collin standing in the entryway. A pair of black, square reading glasses on, a loose white button-down and tan slacks. Cal shoots out of his seat before I can blink and grabs him by the neck and slams him onto the dining room table.
“Hey, stop it!” I yell at Cal.
“He pushed my girl!” He growls back at me, eyes full of anger but wearing a half-smirk. “He tried to get rid of us,” he continues. I pry him off of Collin who takes several breaths.
“It’s not like you never tried…” he says through gasps. “The medication didn’t react quite how I expected, I admit that.” he says full of guilt pushing himself off the table.
“Look, we need him!” I tell Cal with a warning glare.
“I apologize for my behavior. I will never forgive myself for what I did to Lauren. But none of us here have been saints,” he adds. Cal shrugs and sits back in his seat.
“Right, Cal?” Collin, says his eyes narrowed on Cal.
“Don’t make me end you,” Cal spits back at him.
“Christopher, he wasn’t going to share consciousness with you. He just wanted to get rid of me and the moment that happened, he was going to bury you.” Collin spits out, and I look at Cal who gives a half-shrug.
“I can’t say I’m surprised,” I let out a sigh.
“We can’t keep doing this… the fighting, the secrets, this weird power struggle.” I yell at both of them and their eyes dart from mine. “If we do, Lauren’s going to end up in someone’s psych ward and I don’t think it’ll be through voluntary check-in. Can any of you live with that because I know I can't?” I ask them both and see guilt on each of their shoulders.
“So what are you suggesting, Chris?” Collin asks.
“That we do whatever it takes to keep her,” I say quietly, and Cal laughs bitterly.
“So we’re back taking advice from Daddy now?” he asks condescendingly.
“Hey, do you have a better idea?” I ask, and for once his smug grin disappears.
“So are you proposing that we integrate?” Collin asks with an arched brow.
“I don’t trust either of you farther than I can throw you,” Cal snarls.
“Okay, well how about we keep on going how we’re going but if that’s your choice—get good and comfy at Elm Memorial because I’m not checking us out until we get this right. No one will see her until we get this right,” I tell them and I expect an argument or some form of protest but none comes.