“You have every right to be angry. I knew Cal could be Cal, but I never thought he’d do something like this.”
“You aren’t the only one,” I say quietly before kissing Caylen on the cheek. She’s finally drifted off to sleep.
“Night, sweetie,” Helen whispers and walks out.
Before I follow her out the door, I switch off the main light and turn on the night light.
Downstairs, Raven is taking off her coat and trying to hold three gift boxes at the same time. “I hear I missed the birthday girl.”
“Raven, you’re here!” I smile widely, giving her a big hug.
“Yes, you wouldn’t believe the traffic. I was supposed to be here two hours ago,” she says angrily, setting down the gifts.
“Raven, you didn’t,” I scold her. She’s bought Caylen so many things already.
“Of course I did. You didn’t really think I was not going to buy my favorite little girl something for her birthday? But since I’m old-fashioned, she won’t be able to open them until her real birthday,” Raven scolds me playfully.
“Well, a Monday isn’t the best time for a party. Everyone has work or school.”
“Tell me there are plenty of pictures.” She smiles, handing me her coat.
I hang it in the closet. “Steven recorded everything. I’ll get him to send it to your phone.”
Her smile fades a bit. Raven hasn’t quite taken to Steven as much as I’d like.
“Steven. Oh yes, where is he?” She tries to sound cheerful, but I can see the disinterest in her eyes.
“He’s setting up Caylen’s new bed,” I tell her.
“Well, that’s nice.” She notices Helen, who has taken a seat on the couch. “Hello, Helen, how are you?” Raven asks politely.
“Hello, Ms. Brooks,” Helen says, extending her hand. “I’m fine, thank you. Lauren, I think it’s time for me to get going.”
“Already?” I ask, disappointed.
“Yes, Dexter and I have an engagement that we just can’t miss.” She groans sarcastically, grabbing her leather jacket.
“Well, let me get you some cake,” I say before she stops me.
“No cake. I’m already on a diet, no need to tempt me.” She smiles and gives me a warm hug.
“You’re in beautiful shape; you don’t need a diet,” Raven tells her seriously.
Helen smiles graciously at her. “Well, thank you, but there’s this certain dress that I’m dying to get into by my birthday, so I’m just going to lose a couple of pounds.” Helen winks.
“I’ll walk you out,” I tell her.
“I’m going to go peek at the little angel. Nice seeing you again, Helen,” Raven says before heading up the stairs.
Helen nods, and we both head to the elevator in the lobby. “So, Thursday—girls’ day out at the spa. No canceling on me this time!” Helen scolds.
“I won’t. I promise.” I smile widely as she steps in the elevator.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” she says as the doors shut.
I wave before they close and exhale, shivering and wrapping my arms around myself—they keep the air conditioning on in the hall all year, it seems. She’s right to give me a hard time. I’ve canceled on more than a couple of occasions. I think my excuses are probably getting old.
I walk back into the penthouse. The party is practically over, and my thoughts drift to Caylen, her first birthday, and the fact that her dad’s not here.
“You okay?”
I look up to see Steven staring at me curiously. “Yeah, why?”
He walks closer to me, a concerned look on his face. “You looked a little weird.”
“I-I’m fine,” I say, forcing a smile.
He touches my face gently, and I don’t move it. “You sure?” he asks, looking at me skeptically.
I smile softly. “I am now.”
A movement behind him catches my eye, and I look to see Raven standing at the head of the stairs. I step back from him and fold my arms.
“Lauren, can I speak to you a moment?” she calls.
“Sure,” I say quickly.
“Hi, Ms. Brooks.” Steven smiles and gives her a small wave.
Raven smiles tightly at him but doesn’t say anything back. I give Steven a sympathetic look, but he just laughs, heading back to where everyone else is.
I head upstairs and into Caylen’s bedroom, where Raven is holding her. “She woke up?”
“She’s fine. I have my sweetie,” she says, fanning me away. Raven sits in the rocking chair and cuddles Caylen while brushing her dark locks. “So you and Steven have gotten quite close again since I last saw you two together.”
I think back to before I was married and before I dated Michael. There was Steven. With his sandy-blond hair and soft blue eyes that are only second to his comical personality, he always knows what to say to make me smile. Even after we mutually broke up, we remained good friends, which is something I can’t say about Michael and me.
“He’s my friend,” I tell her quickly.
“Is he still with that nice girl I met at your baby shower?”
“No. They broke up a few months ago.”
“Well, how convenient,” she says airily.
I feel my stomach knot. “Okay. Out with it. What are you asking me?”
“Do you have feelings for him?” she asks casually as she sets Caylen on the floor and hands her a teddy bear to play with.
“What if I do? What if I do have feelings for him?” I ask, annoyed.
Raven continues to focus on Caylen. “Well, if you haven’t forgotten, you’re still married.”
“No, I’m not married actually,” I say sharply.
Her head turns quickly toward me. “You aren’t?” she asks, shocked.
“Marriage to me is more than a piece of paper with two names on it.”
“So you’re going to start a relationship with him again?”
“Look, I didn’t say anything about a relationship,” I yell, and Caylen starts to cry. Raven hands her to me, and I rock her in my arms.
“Lauren, I think it’s time you stop pretending Cal doesn’t exist.”
My mouth completely drops open. That’s my Raven, the only person who doesn’t shrink away from mentioning him around me, but she’s never been this blunt about it.
“Pretend? God, I wish! You think I can just block him out? Well, let me tell you. You don’t know how hard it is for me here. Being in this house where everywhere I look, I remember something I’d rather forget. Every time I close my eyes, he’s there. Sometimes I swear I can feel his arms around me.” I can feel tears building in my eyes, and thankfully, Caylen’s finally settled back down. I lay her down in the crib and watch her fall asleep. I run my hands through Caylen’s full head of dark curly locks. “Every time I look at his daughter, I see his eyes, his smile. When I look at her, sometimes all I see is him.”
A single tear rolls down my cheek, and Raven’s arms encircle me. “I’m sorry, honey. I shouldn’t have even suggested what I did. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“It’s okay,” I say quickly, wiping my cheek. “This is the first time I’ve allowed myself to cry over him in a while,” I say, almost to myself. One tear isn’t that bad compared to…