“This thing with Steven?” Raven asks, her expression a lot softer than before.
“I don’t know,” I say honestly, folding my arms. “He’s just been so sweet and kind.”
“And here,” Raven adds.
“Yes. That’s the thing…” I walk over to the bedroom door and close it. “I don’t know if my feelings are genuine, or if loneliness is starting to take its toll.” I pick up one of Caylen’s many teddy bears and fiddle with its arms.
“That’s understandable,” Raven says stoically. I can see that I’m making her uncomfortable.
“I don’t want to hurt him, Raven. I just don’t know what to do.”
“Tell him how you feel. Exactly where you stand—if you feel it’s time and this could be something you really want to explore. You need to look into divorcing Cal. He abandoned your marriage…”
I cringe at the word. “I don’t want to talk about that right now.”
There’s a light knock at the door, saving me from where this conversation is going.
“Come in,” I say as loud as I can without waking Caylen.
Angela tiptoes in. “Hey, Ms. Brooks,” she whispers, giving Raven a big hug.
It makes me happy to see how close they’ve become through their relationship with me. The past two years would have been horrific without them.
“How are you, sweetheart?” Raven whispers, eyeing the baby, who’s turning over in her sleep.
“I’m good. I have to be going; I have to work ridiculously early tomorrow.” She laughs.
“Did you get some cake?” I ask.
“Yeah, Steven fixed me a plate. I just wanted to let you know I was leaving, girly,” she says before giving me a hug. She kisses Caylen on the forehead. “See you, princess.”
“Thanks for coming, Angie. I know you’ll have a long day tomorrow.”
“Like I’d have missed this,” she says, zipping up her jacket. “Oh, Hillary’s knocked out on your couch. I was supposed to give her a ride home, but you know how cranky she is if you wake her.” Angela laughs.
“She’ll be fine. Steven can take her home, or she can sleep here tonight and I’ll take her in the morning,” I assure her.
“Come walk me out,” Angela gestures. She waves to Raven as we leave the room. “Bye, Ms. Brooks.”
“Drive safely, hon.”
Angela and I get to the front door, and she stops before opening it. “You okay?”
“Just tired.” I smile, letting a yawn escape. “I didn’t think having a party for a one-year-old would be so tiring.” I laugh.
“We spent more time setting up the party than having it.” She laughs as she opens the door. “I know my way out. You get some rest—you look tired,” she says with a frown.
“Gee, thanks.” I laugh lightly.
She smiles softly. “You know what I mean.”
“I do.” I sigh, looking her in the eye.
Angela and I have probably grown closer than all of my other friends since she stuck with me during one of the worst times of my life. She doesn’t have to guess why or how I’m feeling most of the time. She knows.
“Hey, don’t forget your cake!” Steven comes out of the kitchen with a plate wrapped in aluminum foil.
“Thank you. And it looks like you’re taking Hillary home.” Angela hits him playfully on the chest.
“When was that decided?” Steven raises his eyebrows in mock surprise.
“Well, you’re the last one here, so you win.” Angela laughs, taking her plate from him.
“Want me to walk you out?” Steven asks her.
“I’m a big girl; I can make it on my own.”
“Text me when you get in your car safely,” Steven tells her. His big brother instinct is kicking in, and I can’t help but smile.
“I will, Dad,” she teases. “Bye, kiddies.” She shuts the door behind her.
I lock it. “Now the fun of cleaning begins! Yay!”
“So much fun, I’ll do it myself,” Steven says with fake enthusiasm.
“No, I can’t let you do that.” I start picking up Caylen’s toys, which are scattered around the floor.
He laughs and takes toys out of my hands. “Oh, come on, cleaning is all kinds of fun to me.”
“You sure?” He’s been doing so much for me lately.
“Absolutely. You go lie down. I’m sure Caylen has tired you out.”
I look at his soft smile and feel myself blush. “Steven…” I fiddle with my fingertips. “Raven’s spending the night, so that basically guarantees me a babysitter tomorrow. I haven’t been out in a while, and I was wondering if you’d—if you’d want to have lunch with me?” I feel as if I’m fourteen again.
His expression softens then blooms into a coy smile. “I’d love to.”
I giggle.
“Why do I feel like I’m in high school all of a sudden?” he teases.
I laugh. “Want to meet at eleven?”
“Sure.”
“Good. Okay, so, in case I’m asleep when you leave, good night.” The next thing I do surprises even me. I kiss him on the cheek.
He looks surprised by it, then his gaze moves behind me and his eyes widen. I turn around to see Raven behind me. Dammit.
“I just came to help clean up,” she says, sounding surprised.
“Party time,” he teases.
Raven smiles, and I just grin at her. She’s actually being nice to him.
“Well, I’ll let you two crazy kids get started.” I laugh, heading up the stairs.
She waves, and they start moving things around. I feel happy. I’m glad Raven’s giving him more of a chance.
When I reach the second floor of the loft, I peep into Caylen’s room to make sure she’s still sleeping before I head to mine. When I reach my room, I close the door and walk over to my mirror. I sigh at my appearance. When you have kids, your style sure as hell changes. Glamorous clothes for me now are a clean T-shirt and jeans, and I’ve traded my flat iron for air-drying, something I never used to do.
I grab the baby monitor off my dresser and take it to bed with me. As soon as I lie down, I realize I’m lying on top of Caylen’s Speak and Spell. After moving it to the other side of the bed, I laugh at how much things have changed in two years. I yawn and feel myself drifting to sleep.
“Hon, I forgot my contact solution. I’m going to run to the drug store and grab a bottle,” Raven says, standing in my doorway. “Make sure you lock up.”
“Okay, I will,” I say with a yawn. Just a few more minutes of rest…
I wake up to Caylen’s crying. I must have drifted off. Raven must not be back yet, because she’d never let the baby wake me up. I get out of bed and head toward Caylen’s room, but when I attempt to open my door, I can’t. A wave of panic washes over me, and I frantically twist and pull the knob, but it doesn’t budge. I can’t get out! I can’t get to my baby! I snatch my phone up to call Raven.
“Shh, no crying, sweetheart. Daddy doesn’t cry, and you’re just like Daddy.”