He wraps one of his arms around me and holds me close to him. “You know I love you, right?” I’d expect him to sound playful, like his normal self, but his tone is sullen.
“Of course I do,” I say, looking back at him curiously.
“No, seriously.” He turns my body around toward him, so I’m facing him completely. We’re eye to eye. “No matter what. Whatever happens—if anything were to happen—nothing, under any circumstances”—he takes my hand and places it on his chest and holds it there—“will ever take you from here.”
I try to search for something to say.
His words are heavy in the air, and he continues. “Even if it doesn’t seem like it, always know how much I love you. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you, and even if I screw it up…”
I cup his face. “Cal, you’re scaring me. Is everything okay?” I sit up and lean on my elbow.
The seriousness on his face vanishes and is replaced by a playful grin. “Yeah, just trying to get laid.” He pulls me down next to him again.
I smile, but there’s still uneasiness crawling all over my body, and I can’t ignore it. “You can tell me anything. Nothing would change the way I feel about you. You’ll always be my Cal,” I say honestly from the pit of my soul, ignoring his playful glare.
“I know. That’s why I love you,” he says, his boyish grin calming my earlier tremors.
As he kisses me, my nerves slowly disappear. I kiss him back and rest my head on his chest. And even though he said his speech was an attempt to get sex, he doesn’t touch me in a way that leads me to believe it. He holds me as if he’s just savoring us in this moment, and I lie in his arms and savor it too until we both fall asleep.
May 9th, 2013
When the knock at the door comes, I try to calm my nerves. I’ve already cleared Steven with security as one of my guests, so he doesn’t have to buzz in to get to my floor.
“Hey.” His tone is upbeat and his expression warm—until his eyes drift down to my outfit and he sees that I’m in an oversized red T-shirt and jeans. Not exactly lunch date attire.
“Hi,” I say, trying to downplay my apprehension.
“Are you ready to go?” he asks skeptically.
“I need to talk to you,” I tell him, inviting him to come in.
“Okay.” He hesitates but follows me in.
I lock the door and take a deep breath. “Can you sit down for a little bit?” I gesture to the sofa, and he nods, taking a seat. I sit on a chair across from him instead of beside him.
“Is something wrong?” he asks, obviously feeling the awkwardness of the moment.
“Cal was here last night,” I tell him hastily.
His expression goes from concerned to stunned. His eyes widen and his mouth falls agape. “Oh. Wow. He came back? Is he here?” he says, looking around.
“No, you don’t understand.” I chuckle. “He’s not back. He’s… I heard him yesterday in Caylen’s room.” I’m waiting for some sort of reaction, but his expression doesn’t change. “I heard him talking to her, and when I heard him, I sort of freaked out.” I stand and pace the room.
“I don’t understand,” he says, looking as confused as I sound.
“Well, I didn’t really see him, but I know he was here. He locked me in my room.”
He wipes his hand across his face. When I say it out loud, I realize how crazy this sounds.
“Are you sure he was here?” he asks, sighing.
“I’d bet my life on it.”
He nods. “So I guess that means lunch is off.” He laughs dryly.
“I thought I was ready to move on. I really did, but I’m not… I-I’m so sorry.” I keep my eyes on the floor, feeling too guilty to look at him.
He approaches me and places his hands on my shoulders. I look at him but avoid his eyes. I don’t know what to say.
“All this time I’ve been spending with you made me realize how much I’ve missed you. I started to fall for you again,” he confesses, making my pit of embarrassment and guilt deeper. “Last night when you asked me out, I thought it was a sign. I didn’t want to tell you how I’ve been feeling about you. I didn’t want you to think my spending time with you and Caylen was because of some hidden agenda, because it wasn’t, and it still isn’t. But my feelings have changed, and I can’t just stand by anymore.” He looks straight into my eyes. “I know how much he put you through—even when you’re smiling, there’s sadness in your eyes. Now you think you might have heard his voice, and you’re the happiest I’ve seen you in a year. I can’t compete with that.”
I try to blink my tears away. What’s wrong with me? I have this great guy standing in front of me, and all I can think about is Cal.
“Don’t cry,” he says, pulling me into a hug.
“You don’t hate me?” I whimper against his chest.
“No. I’ll get over it. I promise,” he says with a light chuckle.
I can’t help but smile as well.
“I just want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy for Caylen.” He kisses me on the forehead.
“You’re going to make someone really happy one day.” I smile, patting his arm as we part.
“Aw, shucks,” he jokes. “Well, I better get going then. I’m starving,” he says, patting his stomach. “You know, we can still go out if you want…”
“I kind of ate before you got here,” I admit, a little embarrassed. “I can fix you something though. Salad or cereal?” I really need to learn how to cook.
He laughs, heading to the door. “No, I’m probably just going to go grab a burger or something.”
I follow him. “Thanks for being so—”
He puts up his hands. “We don’t want this to get awkward or all emotional.” He laughs, and I nod. “I’ll see you later.” He pats me on the arm.
I accompany him to the door and watch him walk down the hall to the elevator. I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. I have this wonderful man who wants me, despite my issues, who is nice, funny, and handsome, and I’m throwing it away for—what? I’m not even sure yet. Still, Steven deserves someone who will love him with her whole heart, not a woman who already gave her heart away. I wave as he enters the elevator and the doors slide shut on my innocent, budding romance.
The door buzzer sounds, and I look at the camera. Hillary is standing downstairs. Hmm. She didn’t say anything about coming over today. I buzz her in and glance at the clock. I still have an hour before Raven and Caylen will be home from the zoo. I get my blanket off the couch and fold it just in time for Hillary to knock on the door. I answer it, and she swoops in, obviously on a mission.
She whirls around suddenly. “You ditched Steven?”
“What?”
“God, Lauren, what’s wrong with you?” she exclaims. “Don’t you know he has had a thing for you for months now? Then when you finally wake up and see it, you suddenly ditch him because you think you heard Cal?”
“Wait a minute. You’ve known how Steven’s felt all this time, and you haven’t told me?”